Feeling like I can’t cope anymore

[bettyboojonesy]

I’m new so apologies if I get things wrong,
I will start at the beginning so not to drip feed
Been with DH 21 years childhood sweet hearts I guess
He had an affair 3 years ago and I guess I tried to move on for the sake many reason probably the wrong and selfish reasons such as a good life, my kids I didn’t want her to win sort of thing and I do love him although this will never be the same 😔
But here is the problem but with lockdown down it’s becoming a living nightmare
he will not leave me alone constantly groping me touching me making remarks even wakes me up by pulling me about to be near him. Usually I can cope as I have to get up for works etc but of course this is on hold.
He sulks and is horrible to be near if I don’t give in so I do sometimes but it’s never enough
If I say no I get well you don’t love me sorry for being unusual for wanting you... etc
How do I keep the peace, leaving is not on the cards yet as I couldn’t bear to away from my kids ( he is a good dad on the whole )

Test

Yuck, that horrible. Just tell him exactly how it makes you feel. You are a human being not a piece of meat for him to grab and paw at whenever he feels like. Get some boundaries on place.

I have tried so many times I just get sulking not talking and poor me until I can’t live like it anymore I just want an easy life and it is a nice life as long as it’s going the right way in his eyes
He doesn’t understand if he just left me I would be more willing
I just can’t cope with being woken up every morning

Then I think you need to consider walking away from this marriage. If you can't see yourself living like this for the rest of your life, and he won't listen when you talk to him, then what are your alternative options?

Practically speaking, is there somewhere else you or he could sleep?

This behaviour is abusive and he's a sex pest, to put it mildly. There's no way you can "keep the peace" and stop him doing this, without sacrificing your bodily autonomy. Go large, put in boundaries and tell him you'll call the police if he touches you again without permission.

I have too much to lose at the moment and im scared to make a mistake if I say it aloud then that’s the end of my world basically
Just need to get through the lockdown then life helps me if you see what I mean
We are so suited otherwise apart from this area
I guess I have to just get through it I guess
Thank you for your reply I think I just needed to say it because I’m made to feel like I’m in the wrong

Everything else is fine, except for this huge elephant in the room of his sexual misbehaviour? It's no way to live your life.

I understand that now may not be the right time, but start looking at your options to leave in the long run. Start making those steps in your head and practically to be able to go it alone in the future. Then you can choose to stay if he commits to change, or you can have confidence you will be ok without him. While you're dependent, unwilling to rock the boat and stand up for yourself, you're giving him all the power. It's never good to be with someone out of need instead of choice.

Did you change names?

You were Betty and now you're moon and stars right? It may confuse posters as your posts are now not highlighted as green.

I didn’t want her to win sort of thing

Why do you think you won? You're stuck with a lying, cheating sex pest. What a prize.

Coercion is sexual assault.

Yes sorry I did change names
Sorry not sure what I’m doing

No where else I can sleep without it causing upset to everyone and I won’t do that especially now
I don’t need him but I like my life and maybe I guess this is what I have to give to get ( I know that sounds bad )
I suppose this thread maybe is my first step towards the end and it helps just knowing I’m not in the wrong

You're not in the wrong. It's not okay for him to behave like this sexually.

This is awful behaviour. I would not stay in a relationship like this.

I’m sorry to be harsh but bloody well stick up for yourself. You don’t want to sleep elsewhere because of the upset? What about your upset of being groped?

Tell him loud and clear to stop groping, waking you and touching you. It’s not ok and it’s making YOU feel upset. Stop worrying about him and his tantrums and stick up for yourself!!! I hope you don’t have daughters because you are showing them it’s ok to tolerate shit like this and place a mans feelings well above your own

That's awful :( :( :(

You don't have to leave your kids, you can take them with you.

Are there some family not massively at risk of Corona you could go and stay with? Fleeing domestic violence is counted as an acceptable reason to travel etc.

It might take a while to get through etc, but you could email women's aid and ask their advice or something.

Or look at sites for ads from a few weeks ago. If something isn't going through estate agents, a lot of private landlords are probably still willing to arrange something. Most of it could be done without contact, or with social distancing.

Best wishes and please keep us updated. xxx

I thank you all for your replies but I guess it is easier said than done to just leave he is all I’ve ever know
He even says if I just give in life is better said in a joking way of course and it really is it’s the life I then want, he is I’m beginning to understand controlling in way I can’t put my finger on its almost a way which comes across caring
He will buy my clothes and stuff I don’t need and I feel it’s a guilt thing maybe? He wants me to give up work and be like a step ford wife again said in a joke way
When I am with him it’s never enough it makes him want more so I’m in a no win situation then he moans if I don’t wear the underwear he brought or not putting in enough effort so back to being an arse
I’ve had 2 days of this sulking now he woke me up again this morning I’m fast asleep and he is pulled down my pj and touching me so I just let it happen and pretend to be sleeping

OP, whatever you do, don't give up work.

Have a look online about coercive control, have a read of www.docdroid.net/py03/why-does-he-do-that-pdf, have a look at Women's Aid and see what resonates for you.

How revolting, he's assaulting you when he thinks you're asleep!
You're his wife, not a blow up doll!
Get out as soon as you can!

Moonandstars do you have any idea how wrong that is? He is sexually assaulting you. So he thinks you are sleeping and he is still doing it? No life is worth this no matter how much you have a good life. This is not the price to pay! Please ring women's aid

Urgh, you do realise if this sex pest wasn’t in lockdown he’d be getting it elsewhere.

Your options are; keep kidding yourself that he’s a good man and be his on call wank orifice until the end of lockdown and he goes back to getting his rocks off elsewhere, tell him to get lost or, call time on your marriage and accept that this is who he is.

The balls in your court but hoping there’s a less entitled version of him waiting around the corner is pointless.