Impossible Husband!

[Spain1]

Married 23 years together nearly 30 with 3 DCs. Very difficult Man emotionally abuse, financially abusive & has been physically abusive in the past. Separate bedrooms for the last 10 years. Have tried before to get before to leave. Have applied for a divorce but finding the legal process so slow. How to cope with having to live in the same house & will my children be ok?

Spain1 I can’t give you practical advice, but my ex-husband was very similar to your husband, I was with him for 25 years and left him two years ago, I was 57 at the time. I have peace now, it’s fantastic, I am so happy, everyday I count my blessings, no one putting me down, telling me I’m crap, damaging everything (not his own stuff obviously), pushing me around. I was totally frozen with fear, not anymore though. I wish you the same freedom as I have now, good luck.

Thank you all. The knives are fishing knives & he does go fishing & the guns are licenced. It's more when I say I don't want them in the house he disregards my wishes. Yes I have told my solicitor that they are in the house. I've never told the guards because I have always been afraid of the drama. I've always tried to keep up a good front & probably ashamed that I wasn't able to deal with him myself. He can be very charming to others & I was probably afraid I won't be believed. Good sister thank you for the hope. I have one sister but she has very little understanding unfortunately she is not a very practical person & has never experienced any sort of abuse herself so tends to minimise anything I say. I have very good supportive friends thank God but you don't want to wreck their heads. I tend to talk to my pschotheraist & the solicitor to try & keep going.

You have to keep plodding through it OP, you will get there and it will be great. Bug the hell out of the solicitor, they are supposed to still be providing a full service during lockdown (in the UK at least) and the court system is still operating.

I finally divorced my husband at 52 (5 years ago) after 30 years and oh, the peace and freedom! I feel connected to my gorgeous 22 year old self again, pre-XH, not the drudge I was in my 30s and 40s, I have a great relationship with my three DDs and I have a boyfriend. It is NEVER too late to redeem your freedom and fall in love with life again. Good luck.

OP, the police would most certainly believe you. You are trying to divorce an abusive man that terrorises his family, who has guns in the house. The fact they are licensed does NOT make this ok.

You can tell them the name of your solicitor.

They would be most concerned to know that he has licensed guns in the house and is an abuser.

This is worth using to have him removed from the house.

You have no fear of drama.

You need to play hardball with this man.

You clearly love your children.

But believe me their lives and childhood has been ruined by this man.

Involving the police, informing them of how you all are fearful of the guns and knives would help you.

Your sons would be able to verify their fear of him.

Tell your solicitor you want him out of the house now. Removed.