Is it possible to have your first ever relationship in your 30s?

[SlippersFilled]

And I really do mean first ever

It has taken me a while 'to grow into myself' (as my Nana says...). I had a horrible school experience and didn't have any friends let alone a boyfriend. I went to uni and it was such a steep social curve, and having friends was so exciting and new that I didn't really mind not having a boyfriend.

People think I'm confident but I know that I have no self esteem. I don't understand why anyone would ever like me, and for the last few years I've been making it worse because I've been obsessing over my complete lack of experience. There was a guy at work who was lovely, and I think he liked me, but I pretended I didn't want to date anyone I worked with because I don't know how to kiss anyone. It's so embarrassing. I get more uptight when I drink because I'm worried about letting my guard down and everyone will know what a complete freak I am.

I don't know what I want or where to start.

Of course it's not too late! Plenty of people are in your situation but don't like to admit it because they think it makes them a "freak" as you say. It really doesn't.

I have a close friend who has entered his first relationship in his 30's. He's thriving.

If anything, watching other people's relationships develop and either flourish or fail for varying reasons gives you a perspective that most people don't get.

God no. Major 'late developer' here. Met someone at 37. Had first child at 40, second at 42. DH had never had a long term relationship before either. Some of us like to save ourselves

I wouldn't overthink it OP. I was 28 when I started my first proper relationship. I always got on well with guys and could spend time with them without question but the minute a possible relationship was on the cards I'd pull back. I put so much pressure on myself thinking about it that I kind of lost who I was and forgot what I enjoyed because being single and not having a relationship became such a huge focus, so much so I couldn't relax when I was out and would feel desperately lonely at home when I really had no need to be because I had amazing friends and family. It became all consuming. I've now been with my DP 3.5 years. We met though work and just evolved naturally. I know it's easy to say but I think once you find the right person it becomes easier and you can relax a bit. I feel like a different person now and as much as it's a cliche, I really think things happen when it's the right time.

Where did you meet your DH, WAMS?

I know it's easy to say but I think once you find the right person it becomes easier and you can relax a bit. I feel like a different person now and as much as it's a cliche, I really think things happen when it's the right time.

This is what I've been praying for. I'm so glad it's working out for you. Everything you said sounds like me.

Just online dating...if it happens naturally then great, if not, try online, whats to lose? (Did take a while tho!)

Totally possible however if you are sabotaging yourself due to nerves it may benefit you to get some counselling meanwhile? Talk through your anxieties and nerves and get some skills to help you with your fears?

I probably would benefit from therapy but I find talking about this impossible.

I was going to try OLD before this all kicked off.

My DP was 27 almost 28 when we met and hadnt been in a relationship longer than 3 months. I work with a smart beautiful funny kind woman who found her first boyfriend aged 34.

It really think is pot luck...

Definitely not too late! I am in my mid 40s and started my first relationship 3 years ago. Until then I genuinely thought I was destined to be single forever. I met him at work and had known hi several years before things started to develop between us. I had all the worries about not knowing how to kiss anyone, and was frankly terrified when I went round to his for dinner on official date 3 in case I made fool of myself if he kissed me. I had spent far too long googling how to kiss and watching youtube videos to prepare myself. In the end I just copied what he did, we kissed for rather a long time on his sofa, and he told me afterwards that I was the best kisser ever

I know 2 women in their 30s that have never been in a relationship and one guy who hasn't, I think it's more common than thought.

Wouldn't worry about the "lack of experience" OP - you'd be surprised how many of those with lots of experience are rubbish kissers and rubbish in bed.

Go for it, and honestly don't hold back, you'll find you are a natural. And actually, as a PP pointed out, you've had time to observe all the relationship mistakes others have made (and that's often why so many people are in relationships: some will just take up with anyone rather than wait for the right person as you are doing).

Life is also very fulfilling being single, and even though everyone seem in relationship bliss when they are young, give them a decade and it's a different story - as evidenced on all the threads here!

Everyone’s winging it in relationships, there’s no secret to them.

Hi OP I also began my first relationship at 33. 6 years later and I don't think about those years as anything but growing up and having some fun. X

I should add, my partner is an old friend. We met in our early twenties, lost touch for about 8 years then reconnected

Of course. And a decent man wouldn't mind that you're not very experienced, because he wouldn't be after you just for sex, he'd be in it because he liked you as a person. xxx

Sex isn't all that complicated either really- at least not with a man. Less struggling to find where you need to focus your attentions.