When do I tell him?

[Clezw29]

So, I am very unhappily married and before all this isolation staff came out I was going to end it. Now that we have been told to isolate and my husband cannot work, how and when can I tell him I’m done. He won’t have money or anywhere to go! We have two children 12 and 8 and although my husband seems happy. I am so miserable and I am struggling to even sit in the same room as him let alone sleep with him. He has been very controlling for years and I’ve always fought the idea of telling him I’m done but, now I have reached that point where I cannot do it anymore. Help please! What can I do ??

Have you spoken to him at all about this? Does he have any clue how you feel?

I'm so sorry that you are in this situation OP, it's yet another unfair aspect of the global emergency & a really deeply painful one for anyone having to live through a failing relationship like this.

Are you or your DC at risk of DV? If so then obviously you need different plans in order to protect yourselves, urgently.

Is it possible to split your house in two, to make an isolated "home" for your DH?
If not, then I fear that you are going to have to stay as you are for the lockdown, if not longer.
You can't be expected to live in lockdown conditions if you end the marriage, it will be beyond awful for you all.

The DC's physical & mental health is the most essential aspect of family life, particularly at the moment. Unfortunately this means that you personally are not able to do what you want to do - would that it were different for you!

So I'm so sorry, but at the moment, you have to find a way to cope with where you are.

I haven’t spoken to him about it but, he knows somethings not right as he keeps saying things like kids should be with 2 parents, having 1 kids turn to drugs etc. I won’t end it until all this is over as I know he will be hell. He’s not the nicest or easiest person to get on with.

@Clezw29 How are you?

I’m ok, I’m lucky I’ve been in work doing 3 day and sleep shifts. We are getting in ok, but still feel the same. At the moment the kids are enjoying the two of us home which obviously makes it harder. Thanks for thinking of me.

In an Ideal world yes children should be with two parents , but not if one of them is miserable, it will only get worse.
You have to be strong, decide what you’re going to do and go ahead with it.
I split up with my husband 10 years ago and I left the family home because he was making massive renovations so it made sense, we split the children Equally weekly between the two of us and the children have turned out great, they are very robust and will tell you, when they’re older, you did the right thing if you were unhappy, they wouldn’t want to see you like that every day
Good luck 😊