How do I protect my DD and myself?

[Nothingtoseeherex]

My husband has 2 very different sides to him. One is fun and loving and the other is not. He has a raging temper that is sparked by the smallest thing and there is no warning. I have had this for 20 years but now he’s starting on my 9 yr old DD. She’s a sweet, kind and very sensitive and now feels that her daddy doesn’t like her and that she can’t do anything right. He makes her cry everyday and we never know what mood he’s going to be in and walk round on egg shells. Even then we upset him in some way and all hell breaks loose. It gets worse when I step in to defend her. He says I never “back him up” and that I let her get away with murder. It’s not true, I just don’t scare her like he does. She never likes to ask him to for anything as she never know what the response will be. Playing board games is a big no-no as he goes very strange and insists she’s cheating all the time. Not with me she’s not! I thought I had been able to protect my daughter from him but now I can see that he is picking on her more and more. I’ve been getting his shouting and moodiness for all these years but now she is and I can’t bare it. I have no savings or family so I feel stuck. If he went I’d never afford everything on my own, I’m so scared. She also still loves him and her heart breaks every time he shouts. I need to protect her, I’ve had it so long my confidence is shot. I can’t let him do it to her. With this lockdown it’s even worse. Has anyone else got out of something like this in one piece?

Ring Woman's Aid or at least email them. You need to leave.

It wouldn't surprise me if he got worse if he got wind of you trying to leave and then physical

You need to get out
Read why does he do that lundy Bancroft
Try email womens aid

It will be so much better for you and dd away
Do you have a garden or space inside to get away?

Getting out is hard but so much better in the long run.

He's your husband OP so he will have to pay towards his child.

You're right, you do need to protect your child as his behaviour is appalling; he's relentlessly bullying her.

I don't know where you are in the UK but you need to contact a domestic abuse organisation or helpline and get advice: 0808 2000 247

You could contact Rights of Women for legal advice.Their helplines are still open.

I also advise you to contact the police on 101 and get advice should this escalate. They have powers to remove him while you sort something else out.

Dial 999 if you feel in danger. Refuges are open but I advise you to make plans before it escalates.

Check out the Freedom Programme which you can do online.

Btw - you and your DD are allowed to leave your house to escape domestic abuse - it is classed as a reasonable excuse. Do you have anywhere at all you could go? If not, consider going to a refuge.

Alternatively you may be entitled to a non-molestation order and an occupation order. The National Centre for Domestic Violence (www.ncdv.org.uk/) can advise on the process and possibly refer you to a lawyer who can assist with preparing papers for free. Though I should say that based on my most recent experiences the court is unlikely at the first hearing to grant an order requiring him to leave - the situation seems to have been exacerbated by the lockdown. It is a concerning development. But the court can still make an order regulating how he behaves within your shared home and may be willing to make an order requiring him to leave at a later hearing.