My boyfriend of 2 years and I don’t have kids together but each have kids from previous relationships. I ended it with my kids dad around 3 years ago after being with him for a very longtime, we had settled down in our early 20s and had drifted apart and become different people towards the end of our relationship (in our 30s). I ended it and despite me hurting him, we have always agreed to stay civil for our children’s sakes. He sees them every other weekend and once during the week.
My boyfriend sees his child every other weekend. He was with his child’s mum for around 5 years and broke up with her around 4 years ago. It was a really messy breakup as she was apparently cheated on him and stole from him. They don’t talk and all arrangements to do with the child is done through the grandparents.
Around a week ago, my boyfriend told me that he was going to contact his ex directly to ask if he could add his child on his games console so he could talk to the child more often (he’s not getting to see child as often at the moment because of coronavirus). I said that was a good idea. I didn’t hear anymore about it that day until we were lying in bed that night and his phones message notification when off at 2am. Me, thinking there was something wrong, asked who it was. When he checked it, I was next to him so I could see, he said it was his ex. I asked why she was messaging so late at night and he said she was just chatting. I askedwhat they were chatting about at that time of the morning and he got really weird about it which made me get suspicious so he showed me the messages and they were having a real laugh and being quite flirty and sending loads of kisses in each message. I got upset and he told me I was being stupid as he was only doing it as he hadn’t spoken to her in years . We argued and eventually made up the next day, I explained why I was upset at him sending her flirty kissy messages and he apologised and said he didn’t realise how they were coming across.
Yesterday, early hours of the morning, I caught a glimpse of his phone as he was messaging someone 😍. I asked who he was sending that to at 1am and he admitted it as her. I got really angry and asked why he was giving her these come on signals (his mum told me a couple of weeks ago that his ex was still in love with him) and he told me he’d do whatever it took to keep in touch with his child and that I was a hypercritical c@@t because my I talk to my ex. I tried to explain I have no problem him being in touch with her but it should be about his child rather than messaging her about (in his word) private jokes from years back and flirting with her. My ex and I literally only have contact to do with him he kids. My boyfriend got so mad at me, he even asked what I wanted to do about us as I have such a problem with him contacting her. We argued for the rest of the night and this morning, he’s immediately told me he’s doing nothing wrong, that that’s just the way he talks to all his friends and family and that I’m selfish.
I’ve spent most of this morning in floods of tears because he’s making me feel so bad