Is he right, am I the problem?

[Bluee91]

Me and my partner have been together 4 years now and have a son together. We did live together but briefly split, not long after our son was born we decided to work it out but take things slow so still live separately.

Over a year later we are still living apart. Due to the whole self isolation thing I’ve had time to look back on a few things and I’m now questioning if he’s right in saying I’m the problem or is he gaslighting me?

So he comes over to see me and our son 4 evenings a week after work but takes a few evenings off for ‘time to himself’
Whenever I say I’m bothered/upset about something he always says I’m trying to start an argument or I’m pushing him too much as he needs space and can’t be with us all the time. This is a continuous thing even on days off. There seems to always be a reason he can’t spend a whole day/night here.

Anyway we have both been self isolating separately (his choice) but yesterday I fell down the stairs and I’m more than certain I have a fracture in my foot. I can barely walk, swollen and bruised. I asked if he could come self isolate here for the rest of the time just to help me with our son as I’m struggling to even walk. I can’t get up to a&e as I don’t want to take our young son there and I have no one to help look after him due to what’s going on so I’m trying to put up with it. He was due to come today but decided not to as he wanted to paint his house and wouldn’t have time. I feel so angry that I’m in agony with our son and he won’t even come to help and with all other reason as I’ve explained before I tried talking to him about why this upset me and I’ve had it thrown back in my face saying I’m trying to start an argument and how he needed to do this today and it’s basically all about how he feels and how I’m just ‘over reacting’ it’s not his fault blah blah. Am I over reacting that this is bothering me so much?

@JasonPollack Well I don’t get time to myself but I guessed that’s what would happen after having our son anyway? All my family and friends are in self isolation or are still having to work so there is unfortunately no one at all able to help.

Well you will get one to yourself in the future when your now ex has contact with DS unless he never intends to see DS again?

Do not fall into the trap of contact taking place at yours. Your ex picks him up from yours and returns to him to yours.

He sounds the sort of person that will dick you around massively to try and control you.

Phone CMS and put in a claim for maintenance too.

It's just

Why is he getting the best of both worlds, though? Presumably hes getting sex with you when he bothers to visit, and i bet he isnt living like a monk when hes back in his own place.

You're not really in a relationship, lovely. You're his shag-on-tap. Even if he doesn't have another woman/family stashed away, his awful reaction to you asking for help shows that he is too self-obsessed to be a good partner. Does he pay maintenance for his son?

He's an utter loser and you are enabling him to be one. If he won't step up now then get rid.

Aww love he's a twat and as others have said he's told and shown you that you're not a priority nor is his child. Get rid of him.

Also you need to get your foot looked at. Could you get a taxi and drop your son at his house? I saw the taxi drivers wearing masks and you could wear gloves in the taxi and a mask if you have one.

He is a bastard OP! When is your time off?? How comes he is entitled to all this time alone? He can’t opt in and out of family life like this. You need to have some self respect and end this “relationship”

You need to get that foot seen to. It may need a support to heal right. Maybe call 111 or your GP for advice first?

Now the other problem... I can't believe he's not helping you. Wow. Well he's clearly shown where you come on his priority list! You've potentially broken your foot - he should be dropping everything to come and help with his son. Unbelievable...

I don’t think is working between you op, you both want different things. You want a supportive involved partner and he does not wish to be supportive or overly involved with you.

I think you need to move this to co parenting only, it’s unlikely to get better.

I’m sorry OP, but it sounds like you’re just a regular booty call. Make him get your son and go to the hospital!

Wowsers, and I’m sure you still sleep with this prick too. He cares about only one thing, and that is himself. Get rid.

Is he paying CMS? You do know you’re a single parent? It sounds like he’s dragging the relationship out to get the best of every world.

Phone 111 and get advice on your foot they may also be able to advise the best hospital to go to to be seen the quickest and safest.

Don't put up with this, he's taking the piss! He should have your child sometimes so you have some time for yourself - he's a selfish dick

@billybagpuss that’s such a good point I bet he’s set up this whole situation so he doesn’t have to pay child support as your “still together”. Op this is not good for you at all!!

OP, what a looser.

Your foot MUST be seen.

You may be left with awful problems if it is probably looked after.

Ring 111 for assistance.

This is serious.

I hope you get to a&e op, get a cab and drop your dc at his on the way. And they make you feel much better.
New rules: tossers who don’t give a fuck about you never step foot in your house again. Also, you waste zero seconds thinking about them and what they want. If they want contact, they will do this on a schedule. If they miss a session you don’t have to make it up. He really doesn’t give a fuck about you- anyone would help a friend out in this situation and he’s your childs father and your ‘partner’. I hope this is the start of the post covid new you and you find someone amazing!

I hope OP went to the hospital today.