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Original poster

Pregnant and stuck in the middle...

14 replies

Avocado2020 · 04/04/2020 20:32

Currently 29 weeks pregnant with my first baby. Partner and I have had a very rocky relationship over the past 6 year and have recently moved back in with parents as were travelling before we found out about the baby. We had been travelling round together for around 5 years before this..

Since moving back in with my mum, I have been seeing my partner once or twice a week, but with the Coronavirus, I moved into partners mums house to be with DP and so he can bond with bump. Baby is due in June and everyone is speculating that this isolation will continue until then, meaning I can't find a house or property for myself as no where is accepting.

Should this continue - My mum thinks I should go back to her house, with the baby once it's born without my partner, with him being allowed to visit once a week. My partner thinks I should come back to his mums house after baby, so we can both share the responsibility of a baby.

I feel like I'm being pulled by both of them to make a decision when I don't even know what to do for the best.

Any advice welcomed..

OP posts:
AnotherEmma · 04/04/2020 20:36

Bond with bump? Hmm
You and your partner should get your own place.
Or both stay at your mum's, if that's possible.

strawberry2017 · 04/04/2020 20:38

You need to think about where you will get the most support for you and the baby
Where will you feel most comfortable?
That's where you need to be.

Original poster
Avocado2020 · 04/04/2020 20:43

We didn't find out until quite late into pregnancy.
We have been looking for our own place but we keep being told that it's not possible/we don't meet the requirements ect... now we moved back home all the rent is £800 plus and we would just be able to scrap by with that, especially now my partner isn't working due to CV.

I'd feel comfortable at my mums house, with my partner but that's just not an option. Mother and partner fell out hugely and now it's always a choice of picking between them.

OP posts:
AnotherEmma · 04/04/2020 21:13

That doesn't bode well.
How was your relationship with your mother before you met DP? Is it generally good?
The rocky relationship with DP isn't a good sign tbh so unless your mother is a toxic or difficult person I would be inclined to trust that she has your best interests at heart.
What about your DP - does he?

strawberry2017 · 04/04/2020 22:53

See I would pick my mums house and the reason been is because although she like be amazing with my child she would also prioritise me and my well-being.
Can you say your partner and his mum would do that for you?
Your mum will support your choices and needs- would they?

If you can't say 100% yes then I would go back to your mums. It's your safe place in these circumstances.

Heartburn888 · 04/04/2020 23:26

Your mum and partner need to set their differences aside and support your decision.

If you feel more comfortable at your mums that’s where you should go and dp and mum need to have a quick chat to clear the air or at least agree to remain civil as you and the baby are the focal point and will need support from them both.

TidyDancer · 05/04/2020 08:05

What was the fallout between your DP and your DM? That might be key here.

Original poster
Avocado2020 · 05/04/2020 09:26

They fell out due to my partner being argumentative. I moved out of my mums home when I was 15 and haven't really been back since, i went back under the illusion partner could come too, but this now isn't the case. I love my mum dearly and I don't want to upset her but I can't imagine taking my baby home without partner?

OP posts:
Aussiebean · 05/04/2020 10:58

Who will give you unconditional support?. I’m talking about getting you things, doing the housework, taking the baby while you recover without complaining?

TidyDancer · 05/04/2020 11:00

Your partner being argumentative is not a good sign OP.

Musti · 05/04/2020 11:20

Tough choice. I would talk to your partner and ask him to apologise and mend the relationship with your mum.

okiedokieme · 05/04/2020 11:32

The rental market is flat but still operating, move home was on the official list of permissible activities. I'm guessing it's a lot deeper that that - I would seriously consider your long term future, do you want to live with this man?

SandyY2K · 05/04/2020 12:59

I moved out of my mums home when I was 15 and haven't really been back since

I think this is key to the issues here. I suspect your mum isn't the easiest to get on with ... and your rocky relationship doesn't sound like a solid foundation.

Perhaps your mum sees that as well and is worried about you.

Namechange4nowt45 · 05/04/2020 20:34

Bond with your bump? Get your own place like an adult, I get life can be difficult but why have a baby when you havnt got a roof over your head?

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