I want to split up. How do I do it?

[Boffin9207]

I don’t want to go through the ins and outs of it all but last night something just clicked in my head and I know I need to end my relationship. Before I do so, please can I just have some practical advice on how to do it?

We have a house and mortgage. I can’t afford it on my own but OH can. I think, if he’s willing to, it would make sense for him to just buy me out.

Given that we are in lockdown do I say something now or should I wait until all of this is over? Our house isn’t that big and we’ve only one bed. I have parents I can stay with but I don’t drive and I don’t know if that’s sensible given the current situation we are all in with coronavirus.

Oh and if anyone has any tips on what to stay and stick with it that would also be appreciated!

I'd personally wait until lockdown restrictions are over if you are not at risk from him.

In regards of what to say, we can't say as we don't know reasoning as you haven't said. If it is just because it's gone stale just say to him that there's no spark anymore and you don't see him romantically anymore.

Thanks @Russell19 it’s a combination of so many things that have made me realise I don’t really like / feel the same about him anymore. We argue every day and I don’t like the way he behaves, I don’t like the person I am when I get wound up with him and I hate that he seems to think he can make no effort and everything is fine.

I couldn’t hold my tongue this morning and said that I wasn’t happy and he’s being OTT and won’t leave me alone. He’s also hungover and is being really needy just wanting attention and trying to make me laugh and say everything is fine. I feel like such a bitch and honestly, right now, feel more cut up about having to leave our dog than him.

Well if you have definitely made your mind up then tell him you are serious and you're not happy. When lockdown ends you're leaving. I've been there and I am so much happier now.

I'd wait till lockdown is over. Meanwhile, gradually get together all your documents, copies of his pay slips, tax returns, savings, pension, mortgage.. put together all your important docs, marriage cert, birth cert. It will make it a lot easier later

I was so firm in my resolution this morning and now I feel myself waning. Definitely feel all over the place and maybe waiting until lockdown is over is a better idea. We aren’t married so in some ways a clean break would be easier.

Tell him to F off 😂that’s how

Are you spending a lot of time together during lockdown which may be amplifying the situation? Make sure you have 100% made your decision before you say anything because you'll just hurt yourself/him if you go back on your decision.

@Russell19 yes we have been home for the last two weeks or so and wfh (although in diff rooms) it is also getting a bit much.

I don’t like the shouting and swearing, the lack of effort etc.

@Boffin9207 why can't you take the dog with you?
Get legal advice and wait until Lockdown is over

@AlwaysAllegra I can’t afford to keep the dog and it’s not fair to move myself and the dog in with my older parents, our set up currently works because he covers all of the dogs costs including walker and also works from home (in normal circumstances). I won’t be in a position to buy somewhere straight away and would probably rent in a house share after a while.

Assuming you aren't going in to work at the moment, and your parents are not vulnerable, I'd go to your parents' now, taking the dog. Why put yourselves through the lockdown when you don't even like eachother? You will find it such a relief, and possibly so will he. It might let him see how buying you out might be the best thing.

Oh, sorry, cross-posted. Looks like he'll need to keep the dog :-( But don't make your life choices dependent on a dog.

I'd leave now

If you have no kids I'd leave now too

I don’t dislike him, I do still care for him and he clearly does for me but it’s just that it doesn’t completely feel the same / right. I’m struggling to verbalise how I feel and I have mentioned some stuff to him recently. Its a bit like I know we can rub along together and things will continue in an upwards trajectory (ie marriage and kids) which is all I’ve ever wanted but it just feels off and not right. I don’t know if part of this has come from being at home together so much and I do know I can’t base such a big decision on the dog.

My concern if I decide to go to my parents is that I would need to get the train and they are late 60s and I would potentially be putting them at unnecessary risk when I can suck up staying here for a bit longer with someone I ultimately get on with and do care for.

I would stay put for now, if you can. I'm guessing you don't love him anymore? So no point in counselling. Is he a good owner to your dog? If so, then leave dog there. It doesn't sound as though he's making you feel uncomfortable or scared being in the house with him, so for your parents health/your health, I would stay put, due to not being able to drive. If it is unbearable, they you need to weigh up the lesser of two evils.. I would recommend learning to drive after this blows over, as it gives you independence and freedom, it also presents job opportunities as well. Good luck, keep busy and try and walk/spend time with the dog as you won't see them after

*them=dog (not sure if he/she)

@AlwaysAllegra I don’t know, I do love him but I feel a bit confused about everything. My mind is all over the place and I do think it’s probably better to wait until lockdown is over. We get on fine and he is a good dog owner. I just do more atm because I have more time, I am wfh but not very busy and have a lot of time to ruminate!