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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Sister dating abusive man

4 replies

PumpkinP · 03/04/2020 20:14

My sister is dating a guy that is clearly abusive (posted briefly before about him) they have only been dating 8 weeks and they argue every week, sometimes more, and I don’t mean bicker I mean huge fights/swearing telling her to never speak to him again etc. After 2 weeks he told her he loved her Hmm every time they argue they are back on the next day. It’s abit draining listening to it as she will say how awful he is how he screams in her face etc but then back together the next day. I tried to be supportive but it’s only been 8 weeks, I couldn’t not express my judgement when she said she was going to introduce him to her son after around 5/6 weeks. They’ve continued to argue constantly, 2 days in a row over the last few days. She called to talk about it which she always does so it’s hard to stay out of it and said they had an argument where he was screaming and swearing at her, texted her 50 times and constantly calling. When he couldn’t get through to her he called her son Shock I’m biting my tongue massively as I don’t know why a man she’s been seeing 8 weeks has her sons number. And worst yet is involving him in the arguments. She said he said he was going to beat her up, I asked her to clarify that was his actual words (because she’s been doing a thing where she says he said something then I will quote it when they get back together and she will deny he said it and make out like I’m twisting it) she got annoyed at me and said “I’m going to go as I’m not having another argument!” And slammed the phone down on me.

This is a man that’s also going to get her name tattooed on him apparently! And she said she would do the same if he does. He’s told her all his family and friends hate her. I honestly don’t know what to do in this situation as she takes it out on me, am I right to be concerned?

OP posts:
Ohdearymeshame · 03/04/2020 20:27

This can't be a new thing. You don't suddenly walk into a situation like this if you're healthy and happy.

Has she got major issues already and this is just a reflection of that?

PumpkinP · 03/04/2020 20:33

I really don’t know, none of her relationships have been great but this is the worst by far. She normally continues seeing guys that don’t treat her well because I think she’s desperate to be in a relationship but they aren’t normally this bad so early on. They had an argument because she wouldn’t cook for him and he was sending her things about not being able to cook (like memes) and laughing at her saying what kind of woman can’t cook, since then she’s been cooking near enough every day. It’s all abit strange and I don’t know what to say because I’m walking on egg shells. They haven’t met up since the lock down but I think she’s using this time to perfect her cooking as she’s now insecure about it.

OP posts:
BackseatCookers · 03/04/2020 20:45

It's lockdown now. Please god she'll not see this abusive cunt while we are all being instructed not to leave our home unless absolutely necessary.

I've had a few boyfriends my friends and family were tearing their hair out over because they were so unbelievably abusive, but at the time I was lovebombed and convinced nobody understood how strong our feelings were (cringe!) but the difference is I had no dependents etc.

The fact he has your sisters sons number and feels worthy of messaging him when he can't get through to your sister is very concerning.

But if she won't listen, she won't listen and you'll have to back off and let her fuck up. I know that means you'll probably need to be there to pick up the pieces but I'm not sure what the other options are unfortunately 😔

PumpkinP · 03/04/2020 20:57

If she mentions him again to me I’m honestly going to stay silent when she speak about him now. The funny thing is I know if it was the other way round she would be judging me like hell!

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