I want more sex

[youngdumbandbroke]

Just that really and I don't know what to do about the situation.

DP and I have always had differing sex drives but it's never been a big deal really until a few months ago when he seemed to cool off a bit but I still wanted it just as much.

I've read threads on here about coronavirus making people's partners want it all the time but I'm finding the opposite and it's frustrating. He works in a supermarket so is still going to work and therefore I understand he's tired etc but he'll get home and play on his Xbox all evening. I've tried addressing this with him three times over this quarantine and nothing's really changed. We had a great day on Sunday after I told him I felt like we weren't seeing eachother and then straight back to nothing on Sunday.

I'm sorry for the rant, I just wondered if anyone had any advice on this?

Leave before you marry him.

Depends how much you prioritise sex.
Me and DH have different sex drives- I’d like 2 or 3 times a week but he’d love 2 or 3 times a day. He knows we have a differences in that regard so he just sorts himself out if I’m not in the mood! Works for us.
What’s your relationship otherwise? Is he still affectionate and loving even if he isn’t in the mood for sex or is he always prioritising the Xbox? If so then it sounds like he’s just not into you and you’re both settling for something that’s not working

I think the relationship is great other than that, he's normally affectionate and seems genuinely interested in the mundane things I'm doing day to day. It's just since lockdown he seems to spend the majority of his spare time on the Xbox.
I'm only having to work one day a week so I have been really bored and not had anything else to think about which is why I feel like it's become such an issue for me now.
I don't know whether it's just down to him being drained with work but he's going to have to work forever, that's just life.

I think you might be suffocating him a bit if you've brought it up 3 times in the last 2 weeks (?) and he made an effort on Sunday and now you're complaining again.

You need to decide if you're ok with the frequency or not, but don't pester as if anything, it'll put him off even more.

I know you're right @CheshireChat it's just so difficult when I've got nothing else going on. We've always been the kind of couple to talk about everything so anything that on my mind I just bring up without thinking.

I'm going to take your advice though and take a step back try to stop being suffocating

Has he given you any explanation? Is he just tired out?

And get a hobby .

If it coincides with the lockdown, it could be that he's really stressed out and using the xbox as an escape? He's presumably worker harder than normal and getting more grief from customers.

working

Maybe that's the advice I need, what hobbies I can take up whilst trapped indoors

Yeah you're probably right, although on a positive restore faith in humanity note he seems to not experience too many mardy customers and in fact speaks about how thankful so many are to him

Knitting. Sketching. Xbox . Redecorate the house? Gardening? Frenzied masturbation.

@category12

OP you mention he cooled off a couple of months ago, any idea at all why?

He has to be willing to talk. How long have you been together?

I would usually have no time for someone opting out of engaging with their partner, especially by gaming, but I also understand the current need to zone out and not think about what's happening and I wonder if that's what he's doing. What's happening is terrifying and he's more in the firing line than most of us if he works in a supermarket so I could kind of understand it if he's needing some escapism right now.

But you matter too and it's just as difficult in it's own way being stuck at home so it sounds like you need to meet each other halfway. You need to talk, you both need to be honest about how the current situation is affecting you individually and then work out a compromise where everyone's needs can be met.

Of course he may not be willing to engage in that and then you'll know you have a bigger problem but I would at least try to have the conversation and see whether understanding each other's point of view gives you a starting point to work from. We're living in very strange times and we need to look after each other.

Personally I'd back off and leave him be for a bit and get yourself a vibrator!
I've got one and if DH isn't in the mood I just go to bed early and entertain myself!
Sorry for the blunt delivery but it does help! 😂😂

No advice but ..... if you do resolve the problem and end up with too much sex, please would you chuck some my way

I find it weird. To keep it simple, if a woman indicates that she would like to have sex,,well,,im all ears.

Arnoldthecat well clearly the OP's partner is different then, I know you're joking, but you're reinforcing a harmful narrative with comments like that.

over time this will erode everything

Does he turn you down? How often are you having sex? If you had sex on sunday then it's been less than a week

Upon reflection over the last couple of days I think my actual issue is I don't feel like he loves me anymore. Just little changes and again I'm kind of putting it down to have way more time on my hands to overthink literally everything. I just don't know what to do.

I kind of want to write down all the things that are making me feel that way. I feel like this will help me get all those thoughts out and hopefully show me that they're stupid. Or is that a stupid idea? Would that just make it worse?

Hey, just wanted to say you’re not alone...We’re locked down separately and I ended up feeling like he just wasn’t that bothered, off the back of a weird month before that where we were both busy and life got in the way a bit.
Feeling much better after a proper chat about it yesterday and I did literally spell out all the crazy shit I was thinking so he could tell me that I have nothing to worry about, and that yes he misses me too and he can’t wait for this to be over but it’s just not in his nature to show it as much as I do.
Hope you get it sorted, you might just have to accept that this is the new normal for a little while while he deals with what is probably quite a stressful situation coupled with you being more needy because you’re bored.

Thank you @0hbloodyhell it feels better knowing someone else is feeling similar. Would you suggest having a big chat with him and telling him what I'm thinking then?

I really didn't think I'd find lockdown this hard. Cried more these past few weeks than the last few years. I'm so ready for it to be over and this tightness in my chest to go.

Yeah same, especially with the constant tears and tight chest, I’m usually very chilled so I know the change in my personality has been a challenge for him.
I’m at the end of a drawn out break up, stuck in a flat with my ex (I was supposed to move end of March and got stuck, thanks lockdown) and trying to finish off my second year of uni from home.
We’ve been best mates for 15 years but it’s a fairly new relationship.
I asked him straight out because I knew I’d get a straight answer and I also, when I was being more rational, knew that it was probably just me overthinking stuff, but hearing him say it has allowed me to put it to bed so to speak. If he doesn’t know what’s bothering you he can’t make you feel better about it, and it’s easy I think to make it about the sex, when actually if he’d just said ‘I’m tired/stressed and not really feeling it at the mo’ and gave you a proper hug instead you’d not feel that bad about it, but sometimes guys can be a bit dense and if you don’t tell him what you need he just doesn’t know what to do.

I'm exactly the same. I'm normally so laid back and shocking myself with how I've been so I can't imagine what's it's like for him. He's basically got a whole new girlfriend because I'm a shell of the person I was before.
Gosh your situation sounds awful, I hope you're holding out okay. Uni can be hard at the best of times let alone now and being stuck with an ex is definitely not ideal. Sending hugs your way

This is a particularly stressful time for key workers, that really can't help at all.

Thanks @youngdumbandbroke, I’m coping, feeling more settled than I did when I first found out I was trapped here anyway! Difficult not having an end date to hold out for, I am still out occasionally for work at least.
Hope things are going ok your end.