We've been married for 25 years, with 3 teenagers. We have discussed splitting up on numerous occasions and always decide to give it another go, even though we're in agreement that we've drifted apart.
We were very happy for a long time. Against the odds, as his mother hates me, my family have been indifferent to us (not nasty though), plus other family incidents.
My husband suggested I gave up work, a couple of years into our marriage and said he wanted to look after me. So I did. We went on to have 3 kids, after about 7 years (I did help out in the business, some of these years).
He was happy working in the family business and I was happy bringing the children up, mostly on my own, as he was always working.
Financially, we got by but husband could be quite lavish with holidays (he always chooses the destination) and gifts (I would do Xmas shopping and he would go out and spend £1000 more). Still always insisting, I needn't work. The kids are a teenagers now, the youngest 14. The eldest is at university.
He has a Jakyll and Hyde personality. A cup of tea in bed, fill the car with fuel, drive carefully etc Give the kids lots of money on their birthday, buy very expensive gifts. He also says things and then does the complete opposite, almost in a fanatical way. Like after xmas, we talked about how we're pleased to have paid the mortgage off and he suggested, really tightening our belts and getting some savings together (which he always spends on holidays). Then the following week, he'd booked a holiday. When i questioned him, he said I'm always so tight.
I have worked the last couple of years, part-time and I'm just completing a college course, to advance my career prospects. He has been supportive and says he's proud of me. A while ago he offered me a business premises and said how wonderful it would be for me. Then recently, he said it was a bad idea (before the pandemic).
We don't do anything together. He's a successful business man, in a family business but the salary isn't great. He says one minute, he loves his career and in the next breath, how bored he is and wants a change but it's too late. Although, a career opportunity recently came along. I encouraged him to apply for it and said he could always turn it down. He was so excited, then he did a u-turn and decided not to go for it. Even though, it was just what he'd always dreamt of and 4x his salary. I suggest things for the business and life in general but he just ignores them. Then sometime later, a family member suggests the same thing and it's wonderful and doesn't recall our conversations.
He can be really kind and funny but then, also highly strung and have tantrums. We had family round for a pre-xmas dinner, he moaned about the expense. I cooked a wonderful Xmas meal, with all the trimmings. He was in mood anf caused a scene, said he just wanted the kitchen to be tidy and started washing up, when he was supposed to be sat down, enjoying lunch. It was so embarrassing.
On the rare day he has off (works most evenings too), if it's not going smoothly, he threatens to go back to work. We tried to go to the cinema (over an hour away). The cinema was full and because the guy next to me was chatting in the bit before the film starts, he made us move and then as the film started, he just got up and left. To be honest, days out run smoother when he's not there. On the rare occasion we've gone shopping together, he tells me to stop walking around aimlessly but he just makes me feel on edge.
I know I'm not perfect and i've been going through some changes. I just feel invisible and all I seem to do is cook, clean decorate and do laundry. He complains when I do these things and then complains if I don't. His favourite saying is, 'get a life'. Sometimes feel as though it's a mind game and then I think it must be me. Everybody loves him, so perhaps it is me.
Am I focusing too much on the bad and throwing away 25 years? I could write so much more but I feel unfaithful for doing this much.