Husband's appearance - WWYD?

[wifeofabeardyman]

Husband and I are both 30 and we've been together 10 years. In the last 6 months or so, my husband has gone from being clean shaven with a head of slightly thinning hair, to having a massive full beard and a bald shaved head. Basically he used to be a fairly conventionally handsome man with great cheekbones etc to a stereotypical "hard man" look like a scary bouncer... I actually think it makes him look quite intimidating.

The trouble is who am I to complain? If a woman goes through a big change in her appearance like going grey and getting a pixie cut, it would be shitty for her husband to complain, so I shouldn't say anything right? I know he feels a lot more confident in his own appearance since adopting this new look and I don't want to shit on that. But I do find it pretty unattractive I can accept him going bald as he was thinning slightly, he definitely could've waited a few more years before shaving it all off but for his own confidence I was happy for him to do it sooner. But the massive beard as well, it's just such a big change from what he used to look like and it's all happened at once.

Argh, I know I'm being a massive cow but I just feel pretty disappointed. It doesn't help that he lives in scruffy jeans and hoodies so it doesn't look smart and hipstery like it would if he dressed a bit more dapper. I've hinted that maybe he should trim the beard but I don't know if I should go any further.

I don't know 🤔

Maybe get out some old pics and comment about his handsome face..? Without being mean about current bearded face.

I know what you mean about not wanting to control his appearance. Perhaps a hint that you find his smooth face attractive will help

I think you could probably be straightforward and say you prefer it when he’s clean shaven. It’s up to him what he does with the beard.

It’s not controlling to do that. It’s reasonable to ask certain things from your spouse as long as it goes both ways and it’s not extreme.

Hmm, if he's happier isnt that a good thing? It's his face/hair I guess?

I would be honest. You aren’t demanding he change it. I am well aware that DH prefers my hair long, but that hasn’t/wouldn’t stop me cutting it shorter when I want. But on the whole I like knowing that he finds me more attractive than less so (note, he doesn’t suddenly find me repulsive with shorter hair!) ...as I also like mostly keeping my hair long it generally stays that way.

certainly wouldn't wantto kiss my dh if he had a bread, hate them !

Facial hair is an easy choice - unlike generally aging, changing shape etc.

I don’t think there’s anything wrong with telling your partner how you feel as long as you do it kindly. Obviously it’s their decision what they do about it.

Styles change. Let him keep it. He may get bored or forced to shave due to conditions beyond his control (I had to shave a full wizardly beard completely due to changing conditions at work). Thinning hair though, the shaved head is better in my opinion than trying to do a baldy man side sweep cover up.

I actually really like the look of a beard but I can stand the feeling of it. If dp let's his stubble get to long, I can't kiss him, never mind let him do anything else.

It's a bit of a tough one.
I would not find my DP attractive with a shaved head as it would not suit him at all...but also I know I would expect him to be ok with me if I cut my long hair short.

The beard thing is a bit different IMO. DP has been attempting to grow one since we are not going anywhere anyway but 1 - I don't like it and he looks 1000% better clean shaven to me and 2 - I won't snog him as it gives me a bit of a rash on my upper lip afterwards from the prickly hairs and it's just uncomfortable rather than enjoyable.

I told him he's welcome to crack on with it but clearly stated my opinion on that one.

As a couple we talk about each other’s appearance. This doesn’t have to be insulting or derogatory. It’s more a case of positive reinforcement. Both of us like certain looks and dislike other looks. Just a sign we are both human and acceptance that comes with a certain amount of social conditioning. We talk and we give each other confidence.

Love and life as a couple is not meant to be hard or difficult. We need to stop making additional pressures for each other. Commenting on each other’s appearance is ok, male or female, if you are a reasonably kind and considerate person.

It is a tough one, but my husband has never tried to grow a beard because he knows that I am not a fan of them as my Dad has always had one and they make me shudder, but I would say something, you don't have to be mean about it.

Basically he used to be a fairly conventionally handsome man with great cheekbones etc to a stereotypical "hard man" look like a scary bouncer... I actually think it makes him look quite intimidating

Could you not say something like that to him? And perhaps mention it ages him - that should have him reaching for the razor!

I understand. I couldn’t kiss a beard! Nope. It would put me off. I think it’s unrealistic to never comment on your partners appearance if there’s a massive change. I dyed my hair blue and my partner loved it but when I had a short cut he said it made me look a bit like ET. I’ve got that kind of neck. It was his opinion and I could kind of see his point. I don’t like my partner clean shaven. I like a bit of stubble. He’s got a jawline that looks like the dad from family guy after a lot of weight gain and it puts me off to see it. We can’t help how we feel or we’d all be attracted to Johnny Vegas right? It’s ok to have feelings about it. Doesn’t make you a cow. You’d be a cow if you constantly nagged him about it though. I’d say be honest and see what he says

I tell whoever I'm with what I prefer. Not in a criticising way, but in a you look so cute like that type of way. One of my exes has now become how you describe your husband and I don't like it either - however, most people think he looks cool.

At the end of the day, I'm not really bothered about appearances so if they're happy with that look then that's all that matters.

Sounds like a dreamy hipster husband you've got there...

Just tell him it makes him look like Frankie Boyle. That should do it.

Yuck I don’t blame you OP, but it’s a difficult one. Personally I would have mentioned it straight away - if my DH hasn’t shaved for a couple of days I jokingly remind him and then make sure I reinforce that I like his nice smooth face. In the same vein I would never cut my hair short because I know my DH prefers it long.

By the time he’s managed to grow a full beard I imagine he thinks you’re cool with it. Ultimately you do need say something I think. Surely he wants to be attractive for you, it’s in his best interest. Just be gentle.

I believe only 5% of women like beards.

I love them...but I really don't like shaven heads

My DH has held off the shaven head because he knows I find it too severe, but this is something he's always known, as we've talked about things like that more than once in the last 25 years.
I think you just need to raise it gently but honestly.