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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

I'm so confused!!

8 replies

Ivy2134 · 02/04/2020 17:35

Hi, I never had the best of a relationship with my husband. But I did try to be the best wife I could i would argue but only for him to see sence which he never ever did.
He was good when it come to the Bill's he covered gas, electric, and shopping. I'd cover rent, car and what not. Or if I asked him for money for silly things he would never refuse. He would tell me that I made him complete and that I was the best thing that ever happend to him and just randomly tell me he loved me. He wasnt controlling.
This is where its goes wrong when he would drink he would get angry violent. He has choked me punched me pulled my hair kicked me in the ribs and repeatedly standed on my head and face.
He said sorry he didnt know what he was doing as he was drunk and spiked. He believes hes a good person. He was good but he was also very cruel. He would give you the last pound in his pocket but kill you as to look at you if you argued when he had drink in him.
I left him and 4 weeks later he had an affair but says that it wasnt an affair because I told him it was over. Then he says to me that he asked me not to leave. In other words we were done so he played free willy. I found pictures in the phone he had taken her somewhere that was special to me and him. Did you think he ever loved me in the first place? Because it's hard for me to figure out how you be everything to someone one minute then nothing the next. He fell out with my family but it's like he took that out in me too! He has been very selfish with other things that over looked. What do you guys reckon??

OP posts:
KirstyHasLeft · 02/04/2020 21:25

''This is where its goes wrong when he would drink he would get angry violent. He has choked me punched me pulled my hair kicked me in the ribs and repeatedly standed on my head and face.''
''Did you think he ever loved me in the first place?''

Well, I'm going to just make a wild guess and say - no, I don't think so.
But speaking seriously - you are living with a violent abuser. Please call Womens Aid. Why on earth would you want to get back with him???

funnylittlefloozie · 02/04/2020 21:35

You've written this all in the past. Keep it there. Dont make this awful situation your present again.

Ivy2134 · 07/04/2020 23:40

Does a man that beats you as bad as my partner did with me left me hospitalized!! Even though he blamed it on being spiked and drunk..Hit another women?..As hes with another woman now living his best life wining and dining her, buying her lovely gifts, which he never done with me...and her being astonishingly beautiful possible? Like would he be a whole new person with her because hes more attracted to her.

OP posts:
Kabakofte · 08/04/2020 09:15

No, he won't be a whole new person, underneath it all he'll still be a sh*t. But you can be a whole new person by making sure you never get back with him.

AgentJohnson · 08/04/2020 09:43

No. Do you know what’s going on behind closed doors? The social media ‘best life’ filter is there to fool the outside world. He is who he is, if violent drunks were cured by beautiful women hanging off their arm then the NHS would be prescribing them.

Your stuck in this ‘If I had done or had been x,y and z’ the he would have been different. It’s that flawed thinking that kept you in a toxic relationship for soooo long.

The common denominator wasn’t you, it was him. That will soon become apparent, if it hasn’t already, when he next drinks.

You can’t be an alcoholic and live your best life.

TheMotherofAllDilemmas · 08/04/2020 09:47

Reckon? Don’t know... I suppose you are not financially viable to leave ASAP even if it was to a women’s refuge, otherwise I don’t know why you are trying to bigger up his “just normal” good traits over his huge violent traits.

TheMotherofAllDilemmas · 08/04/2020 09:49

You don’t need to justify to decision to leave to yourself or the world, untouched just need to leave because this guy can kill you.

Grrrpredictivetex · 08/04/2020 09:56

@Ivy2134 sorry for all you've been through I would say possibly he did love you, however if he did now he wouldn't blame the violence on Drink he'd be seeking help to get off the 'cause', as he hasn't done that then no he's incapable of love at this time. You deserve to be safe so stay away. Good luck.

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