Ex and partner ignoring lockdown

[TossaCointoYerWitcher]

Anyone else dealt with this who can offer any advice?

I co-parent with ex-wife. Despite lockdown her current partner is still travelling to see her at weekends - I know this because kids tell me (unprompted - I don’t ask) about things they’ve been doing with him whilst at Mums. He’s not moved in as he has kids of his own he has to have over at his place in between visiting ex. I’m guessing it’s a given ex is still travelling to his when I have kids and spending time with them all too.

I’ve made noises about us having to lockdown as a single “household” (Government allows travelling between to exchange kids between parents) but ex tends to respond as if I’m over-reacting and being hypochondriac. What she does with her partner is none of my business.

I’m coming away from this feeling like I’m being an overbearing, over sensitive “dad” type - but surely rules are rules? There’s loads of threads on here about couples asking how to cope with being separated - so why aren’t they?

Just to add, she works in a care home too. DS currently has a cough. Her reaction is “it’s not corona it’s just a cold” and so sees no reason not to carry on. I expect she’s sticking to social distancing rules at supermarkets, etc. Just for whatever reason her and her partner seeing each other is fine and if pushed further it’s none of my business - I’m just being an interfering ex.

Do you share 50/50? Could you keep DS during the lockdown next time he comes to you?

If he is at risk from her exposing herself to more risk than necessary I would be saying I am only comfortable either having DS all of the time until lockdown is over, or continuing 50/50 only if she is also adhering to minimum risk, necessary contact only guidelines.

Poor you it's a tightrope and crap that you feel bad / concerned about coming across as overbearing or unreasonable when you just want your son to be as safe as possible and you to be exposed to as little risk as possible.

I would have the conversation as calmly as possible, on the phone, so she can hear that your tone is one of genuine concern not one of having a go at her.

Hi OP, lots of similar discussions in the step parenting board right now. You are not alone. Many people are reporting this type of behaviour and discussing approaches. I’d feel the same way you do. Your ex’s bf should not be coming and going from the house.

Could you send her a link to the Gov rules so she knows you’re not over reacting.

Failing that, could you offer to keep them at yours? Is that feasible?

She is doubtless going against the care home rules by working whilst her son is coughing. She should be self-isolating for 15 days from when he showed symptoms unless she tests clear. This will have been made clear to her by her workplace.

I would report her - she's endangering vulnerable people

I’m in this position myself. I’ve told my ex that he needs to adhere to the rules or the kids will be staying with me from Monday.