Would you say this is abuse?

[CrystalVision4]

I havent seen my boyfriend for a few weeks now, I think he is actually my ex. But Im struggling a bit and keep ruminating on things that happened.
We were together for two years. Some of his behaviours made me worry.
He put his foot out to trip me over as I was leaving after an argument.
He slapped me around the ear in bed once when I accidentally caught him with my elbow.
He threw me off the bed during sex once, because he said he could tell that I had cheated...this caught me completely unaware obviously and I have never cheated. I fell into the wardrobe. I feel like it's hard to talk about that episode. I could never relax with sex again. It's not something I can tell my friends and family.
He has also broken two of my phones, saying I was cheating again.
I guess I sort of swept everything away in my head because I wanted to believe he loved me. Sounds pathetic I know. These kind of things stopped happening maybe a year ago, but I never forgot. But I suppose we haven't even been together that long.
I eventually got tired of being neglected by him a few weeks ago, as I always came second place to his friends etc. He kept saying how much he loved me etc and how unreasonable I was being. But I kept on walking and I'm trying to stay strong.
He hasn't contacted me during this lockdown thing, I think I am glad about that. But just all this time alone is making me go over things in my head and I wish I could just stop.
Thanks in advance.

Yes. That is abuse. Be rid, stay rid. No one deserves that.

OMG yes, that is definitely abusive.

Good riddance to him then, he's a bastard.

Yes he’s abusive. Can you take the lockdown time to do the freedom program online and read the Lundy Bancroft book ‘why does he do that’? They both might help you. Also keep talking here if it helps to talk about things.

I have been doing a lot of reading around. I figured it is abusive, just wanted to post to see what others thought. I do feel glad to be out of it. Its just all this time alone, makes me think on things and I keep being silly and remembering the good times. As you do I guess.

Definitely abuse. Really horrible abuse.

Read Lundy Bancroft's book:

www.pdf-archive.com/2016/09/25/why-does-he-do-that-domestic-violence/

And WOMEN WHO LOVE TOO MUCH by Robin Norwood.

You don't want to fall for another abuser. Understanding their mindset and motivations, and the reasons why women stay, is crucially important.

Thank you. I've come across those books whilst reading things online. I will make a point to read them.
I'm going to stay single for the foreseeable future, I certainly don't want to experience that behaviour again.
He never even really apologised, and although he seemed better for months, he was starting to say accusatory things again.
Him not contacting me during lockdown has made me face the fact that he really didnt care about me.

Yes, definitely abusive and horrible, I’m so glad you are seeing that. Sadly I don’t think I’ve seen a post with a title questioning if a relationship is abusive, is ever not - usually by the time someone is asking those questions the behaviours are deeply entrenched and normalised by the abusive partner.

It may be true that he never really cared - but this is not your fault. You are very much worth caring for and loveable, he is a sad individual and his lack of caring is all about him.

100% abusive. You'd be best blocking him and never letting him back in your life.

His behaviour only gets worse and the level of violence will just escalate.

You would benefit from doing the freedom programme....so that you learn more about abusers and don't end up in another abusive relationship in the future.

You’re focusing on the good times because it’s your brains way of protecting itself from the trauma. I know it’ll make it feel worse but make a list on your phone if EVERYTHING bad he’s done. Not just out and out abusive but he’s annoyed you, upset you, belittled you, hurt you, made you feel stupid, whatever it is and when you think of the good times, read it. Because the worst thing you can do is think of the good times and blur the bad times. That’s how you end up back with him and he’s abusive. You deserve, and need, better, whether that’s a new relationship one day or being single for ever. Good luck

I think because most of it happened a while ago, I am trying to kid myself that he's changing. But the cheating accusations would come from nowhere, or happen usually when I questioned his own behaviour. The last text argument, was where he was uncontactable all night, so I got mad. He then flipped it back and said he had been calling and been to my house 4 times and I hadn't been in, spent a fortune in taxi fares...before proceeding to call me a cheat and video call him to prove I was home. I had been home all night and though I'd been asleep sometime, I never heard him at the door at all.
He told lies saying his friends had told him stories about me and showed him rude photos. I know it wasn't true.
And not least the fact his friends and literally anyone else would come before me.
I think he realises things have come to a head, as he is usually trying to come back. He hasn't been happy either I guess, probably blames me for that.
I am making a list at the moment, and all these memories keep coming back. I know I will feel better in time, just wish I could stop overthinking.

So glad you're not living with him. The abuse would ratchet up then.

I would block him on everything, delete all photos, mementos, everything.

He sounds awful and you sound strong, although you may not feel that way at the moment. I’m glad to hear he’s leaving you alone now and hope you can move on as time goes by.

I think it probably got a bit better because we weren't spending time together. I distanced myself a bit months ago really.
Its a relief really, hopefully, the fog will clear before too much longer.