Landlord wants to socialise constantly!

[duckingterrified]

So now we're all in lockdown, me and my landlord are stuck inside together. I work from home (I did before quarantine). I have a desk setup in my bedroom and I'm quite content with this.

Before the lockdown, he would work away 75% of the time so I barely saw him. I've only lived with him a few months so I don't know him that well.

But now he's unable to go out I'm finding him a little bit suffocating. Every time I go downstairs on my lunch break to make a drink he follows me into the kitchen and hovers around me asking questions 'how is work?, 'what are you doing later?' etc. Then he always asks me to watch a film with him after work and drink wine together (we're both in relationships so nothing funny going on).

The thing is, he's a nice guy and I appreciate that I can talk to him and watch TV with him occasionally...but the fact is I'm quite the introvert and I'm happy with my own company. Most evenings I want to just chill in my room and read or play online games with friends. But now I'm finding myself agreeing to sit in the lounge with him most evenings because I don't want to seem too anti-social (after all it is his house).

I know I shouldn't care what people think but I can't help worrying I come across as a weird for enjoying spending most of my time in my bedroom. He's even suggesting I should work downstairs so I'm not "stuck in my room" all the time. Funnily enough, my previous housemate said the same thing, so it makes me thing I'm the one with the problem.

Don’t ignore your feelings.

You don’t owe him anything - this is a business contract.

Decide what suits you and then just communicate that to him.

If he is a nice guy he won’t mind - he would be more mortified if he felt he had made you uncomfortable.

Be open and honest.

Sooner rather than later.

We have a long way to go and this will fester.

You are not weird wanting to spend time alone. You are just different. Many people really struggle to function on their own and others are the opposite. Some can understand that others are different but many really find it hard to grasp that we don't all need to be with others (or vice versa).

Just tell him you're booked into an online gaming group and that you'll join him on Saturday or Sunday. Then repeat, maybe you could suggest you watch something together on Sundays and Wednesdays but the rest of the time you would prefer to stay in your room.

He may think you are weird but you are no more weird than he is - just different

Ooh God, how have you not killed him!!

Just explain to him that you enjoy your own company. Although certain people don't seem to believe that, sometimes I find. I don't know what you'll do if he's one of those.

Tell him what you've just told us. He doesn't have a right you your company, or decide how you work or socialise.

Do what you want, not what he wants. You are not there to entertain him!

Total creepy scumbag! I mean wanting a conversation and some company. The cheek! LTB

Yeah, I've actually found that quite a few people are sceptical when I tell them I like being alone for days on end. Even my boyfriend found it weird at first but I think he's learned to adapt to me more now.

People tend to think I'm just depressed or socially anxious which annoys me. I'm just introspective and can entertain myself easily.

My housemate is now baking a cake for us >_>

"Maybe later. I'm really busy."

Baking a cake! What a total bastard.

This lockdown could go in for months OP so time to put some boundaries in place now.

I think it’s best to be honest and tell him you’re an introvert so need lots of time alone.

@Saucy99 - women are not obliged to make men men feel less lonely and especially not at the expense of their own comfort.

“Sorry I have plans to catch up with family and friends and do my own things this evening”

As long as you pay your rent and don’t destroy the place that’s all you’re obligated to do.

He's probably lonely. That said though, I'd find it annoying too.

Perhaps you can compromise and say that you've got work stuff to do but could watch a film with him at the weekend.

It might help him if he is feeling very lonely but without overwhelming you.

OMG that must be so annoying.

Tell him bluntly, you need your space.

Start making some excuses. You're meeting some friends for a game or Skype call or you're tired. A simple "if you don't mind, I'm just gonna be in my room for a while"

As someone else said, this is a business relationship. If you were unable to pay your rent I'm sure he wouldn't hesitate to crank up the pressure. Keep it formal.

Or tell him you’re meeting imaginary friends. That could keep him at bay fir quite a while 😂

The joys of house shares.

I'd try to strike a happy medium with the odd evening spent with him if it's not too excruciating, and a long list of excuses why tonight isn't one of those evenings.

The joys of house shares.

But in a house share everyone is equal. As he's OP's LL, she may feel obliged on some level, and she shouldn't. It's not OP's problem he's lonely.

You posted about your boyfriend the other day and mentioned your landlord then I think. Just talk to him and explain. People often understand when you explain kindly

You need to stop being afraid to state and police your own boundaries.

He's not doing this for you, he's doing it for himself - he wants the company (and he may or may not have a sexual interest in you).

It's perfectly ok for you to say - "actually I'm gaming tonight", "I just want to chill on my own", "that's kind but I'm doing my own thing" and even, (this is the big one, hold your hat!), "no".

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/3862980-My-partner-is-too-hard-on-himself

In this post you say you have a son and that you are quarantined with your partner? I’m confused OP!

Ooh the plot thickens.

@Washyourhandsyoufilthyanimal how good is your memory?!

I'm lucky, my landlord has texted me twice during the lockdown to ask if I'm ok.