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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

Where did he go?

22 replies

LarkinRose · 02/04/2020 13:35

I have been dating a guy for a few months. We met online and talked a lot, getting to know each other before meeting. We live quite far apart so would meet up half way a few times a week, then progressed to spending weekends together. It was getting pretty serious - we were really happy, besotted with each other and had fallen in love. We started talking about moving in together because we couldn't bear being apart. We messaged and talked daily. It was wonderful.
He had to go and look after his children as their mother was working at a hospital, then the lockdown happened. We continued talking every day, nothing changed other than not being able to see other. Then he suddenly disappeared. His last message was telling me how much he missed, then all of a sudden I appeared to have been blocked on WhatsApp.
None of it makes any sense and I am absolutely devastated. There was no indication that he was ever lying (friends have suggested he may not have been single but I'm not convinced that's the case). Obviously I don't expect anyone to have the answer - only he knows that. But not knowing is driving me insane. I am heartbroken, thinking I had finally found a good man. My brain is constantly whirring and I can't sleep or eat. It's horrendous, made more so by this strange situation we are all in.
I know you won't have the answers but I'd appreciate some possible insights, or advice or just to know that I'm not crazy.

OP posts:

TheLittleRedToothbrush · 02/04/2020 13:39

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MikeUniformMike · 02/04/2020 13:41

He has been killed in a road accident/struck by freak lightning/been abducted by aliens

You are no longer a booty call, so not of interest

AfterSchoolWorry · 02/04/2020 13:44

Sounds like he's married.

TheFutureMrsHardy · 02/04/2020 13:44

Or he's on lockdown with his wife and he's covered his tracks.

Someone who loved you wouldn't treat you like this.

Krazynights34 · 02/04/2020 13:48

He is most likely married.
Did you ever see proof that he lived so far away?
Ever meet his friends?
His family? (Not the children)
I’m sorry this has happened to you and hope you get over him soon

Nicolanomore24 · 02/04/2020 13:49

I know it’s hard, but you’ve had a lucky escape. Clearly he is hiding something, I doubt he has decided to concentrate on his children, if that was the case he would have messaged you and said so.

Looks like is is married and cannot now leave the house. Take back some control, block his number so that he cannot contact you when lockdown is over with some excuse about his absence.

You deserve and will find someone so much better. Him disappearing will save you from more hurt later on.

MashedSpud · 02/04/2020 13:53

I’m guessing married and in lockdown with his wife and making sure she doesn’t find out.

No doubt after lockdown he will unblock you with some made up story about how he volunteered to a hospital/old folks home and couldn’t take his phone or lost his phone/was robbed etc.

thecatsarecrazy · 02/04/2020 13:58

Some people are just cowards. I was ghosted, mid conversation, We were talking on twitter dms then he just deleted his account. He came back 4 weeks later, said he was sorry he was just overwhelmed. He will be shacked up with his wife like this one is.

thecatsarecrazy · 02/04/2020 13:59

Don't take it personally either because its not you.

SandyY2K · 02/04/2020 13:59

I have to agree with pp... I reckon he's in a relationship or married.
Neither of you went to each others house...do you know if the name he told you is even his real name?

Is he on social media?

Talking of moving in after a few months was jumping the gun, considering you really don't know this guy that well.

How did you meet him? Online?

georgialondon · 02/04/2020 14:01

Married

SwimForBrighterDays · 02/04/2020 14:02

Married.

Original poster

LarkinRose · 02/04/2020 14:05

We did go to each other's houses and spent weekends together, just meeting up halfway throughout the week. He wasn't using a fake name, and I spent lots of time in his home town, meeting a couple of his friends.
I have a tendency to be wary and suspicious and there really wasn't anything to indicate that he wasn't being honest. Which doesn't mean I'm right, of course, but I like to think I'd have been able to spot the signs.

OP posts:

LellyMcKelly · 02/04/2020 14:14

He has probably got back with his wife.

TrudysTerribleFringe · 02/04/2020 14:18

Get a friend to add his number to their phone and see if his picture shows on WhatsApp. That way you know if you are blocked or his account is deleted.

If you are blocked then assume he is on lick down with his wife and doesn't want to be caught out.

EvenMoreFuriousVexation · 02/04/2020 14:19

He may not have been married this whole time but perhaps things have rekindled with his children's mum... And he's too cowardly to tell you (or maybe hedging his bets)

mamato3lads · 02/04/2020 14:22

100% married or in a relationship. He can't get out now, to see you, so he's fucked and has to stay home and cover his tracks.

I would have possibly given him the benefit of the doubt with his silence....I.e he may be in hospital, but as he has BLOCKED you, that says it all.

I'm sorry...this must be a total head fuck for you!! Really horrible of him to just disappear like that, he must know how upset and confused you would be!! If he loved you, he wouldn't do that to you, no way.

Very difficult for you to move forward with no explanation too, what a bastard.

I bet you he comes crawling back with some ridiculous excuse.

FlowerArranger · 02/04/2020 14:24

He had to make a decision as to who to stay with during the next 3 months, or however long lockdown will last.

You or his kids. Obviously he chose the kids. So now he is back with the mother of his children and you became an unnecessary complication in his life.

He also chose to be a coward, by not telling you. Unfortunately not unusual.

honeylulu · 02/04/2020 14:46

How horrid to leave you hanging.
Possibly:

Still married
Reconciled with wife as a result of lockdown
Can't be arsed with a relationship with no physical contact.

HopeYouStepOnALego · 02/04/2020 15:00

Maybe he doesn't have the emotional maturity to keep a relationship going by conversation alone. Perhaps he has rekindled with his ex so that he can have sex during lockdown. Could be a whole number of reasons. Sorry this has happened to you OP .

Figrollsaplenty · 02/04/2020 15:03

Did his house look lived in?

Or more like an airbnb house rental?

Dery · 03/04/2020 22:49

Really sorry to hear this has happened but from what you were saying it was moving extremely fast - dating a few months and talking about moving in together because you couldn’t bear to be apart. That can sometimes be real but usually it isn’t and coupled with him apparently vanishing, it does sounds a bit like lovebombing to me. It’s based on fantasy not reality and the minute reality intrudes, people like this often vanish. And there’s no good explanation for blocking you. It very much sounds like he was not free to date you.

It’s very painful right now, OP, but some day this pain will be behind you. You will be wiser for having had this experience and that will be very useful for you in future relationships.

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