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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

No exes have reached out to me during Covid-19

47 replies

RitaSkeeterxXx · 02/04/2020 11:43

I keep hearing everyone talking about how the slightly dystopian, apocalyptic feel of Covid-19 is causing exes to scurry out of the woodwork, and I can't help but feel jealous (no, I'm not joking.)

I had a really bad breakup in October. He was my best friend and we had been together for two years. I discovered that he had gotten another woman pregnant that he had been seeing from about two months after our relationship began. He told her we were FWB and they began a situationship of their own. The relationship ended and I have dealt with a fair bit of grief since then (a job loss, two deaths in the family etc.)

I keep hearing people say that exes have reached out to see if they are okay and I can't help but feel angry that this person hasn't reached out to even pretend to care.

I know his behaviour shows he was a selfish even sociopathic person, but I don't get why people's exes are reaching out and yet none of mine are?

I know there are worse things going on in Covid-19 (actually I am dealing with some of those too), but it's also the little things that can make me feel utterly crap and this is one of them. I feel lonelier and uncared for at this vulnerable time.

OP posts:

I0NA · 02/04/2020 13:05

My dear OP you need to stop everything you read on social media. Most of it is crap.

You dodged a bullet with this guy, thank your lucky stars and move on.

Chienloup · 02/04/2020 13:15

I'm friends with two of my exes, so have been in touch by email as we usually would (they both live abroad).
The others, the ones who would have to "come out of the woodwork" to contact me, I would be confused and quite frankly unimpressed if they contacted me. I would think they either had some bizarre motive, or that they were looking for a hook up - neither of which would make me want to reply to them.

Collaborate · 02/04/2020 13:42

To be frank, I would think that anyone "reaching out" to a recent ex following a bad break up must be absolutely mad.

OP - you don't mention you reaching out to any of your exes, so I'll assume that you haven't. The fact you're angry that no one has done this to you suggests you need some help to move on.

ahsan · 02/04/2020 13:47

Seriously women this ex of yours is not sitting there in pain thinking about you, he’s moved on and is doing what he wants. I had an ex like yours got me pregnant then abandoned me, thank your lucky stars that it’s the OW that’s in that position not you as by law that freak is allowed access to his daughter so she’s stuck with seeing his shitty face for the rest of her life whereas you can move on to find the perfect man and have the perfect family with no interference from any lying cheating scumbag. Honestly you should be happy and looking forward to what’s coming. The OW is in trouble and will suffer the rest of her life for choosing to get pregnant by a cheating losing scumbag

ahsan · 02/04/2020 13:54

Pull up your big girly pants, focus on improving yourself and the right person will come along. By the sounds of it you’ve the one on top in the situation no one else the ow will be cheated on and dumped again as she’s already been dumped and at some point when he needs a booty call or an ego boost he will contact you, right now he’s alittle busy. Never want to hear from someone so vile again let alone cry and feel pain over it. Happy the absent father hasn’t contacted me hope he’s suffering but at no point would I want him to contact me

SybilWrites · 02/04/2020 13:55

Gosh he sounds a delight! Cheated with you, got the OW pregnant, abandoned them, went out with you and lied to you both.

Lucky escape OP. I know you can't see it. But he'll always be a cheat and a liar, and the OW will never be able to trust him and she probably knows that at some stage he'll leave her again. Don't feel envious of her life - it's a shit one. Feel sorry for the child who will be stuck with this sociopath for the rest of their life.

I know it's hard now, but one day you'll see what a lucky escape you had.

georgialondon · 02/04/2020 13:57

To be honest I'm not sure why you'd think he'd reach out to you. he's already shown form his actions that he couldn't care less about you. It sounds harsh to write but also you need to see that's the case and move on.

rosabug · 02/04/2020 13:58

I know his behaviour shows he was a selfish even sociopathic person

What?

I might say that statement shows you are a short sighted even 'narcissistic' person, but - I don't like bandying about serious labels for what is in the normal spectrum of behaviour (whether you like it or not).

whitesoxx · 02/04/2020 14:22

He's not a sociopath

You need to block, delete and move on. He doesn't care, that much is clear. Why wouldn't he be in lockdown with his current partner (he'll cheat on her too eventually no doubt) and his child?

Tbh, you call her the OW but there was only 2 months in it. She's not really the OW. He strung you both along equally until he was forced to make a decision and choose.

AgentJohnson · 02/04/2020 14:28

You’re looking for validation in the wrong place and from the wrong person. Be thankful that he hasn’t tried to worm his way back into your life because by the sounds of it, you might let him mess with your MH again.

PumpkinP · 02/04/2020 15:00

No exes reaching out here either and I have 4 children with my ex. He hasn’t reached out to see if they are ok or if I’m still alive. Not everyone has had exes messaging them. Though my sister did have her ex message her so I can see where you’re coming from

dontgobaconmyheart · 02/04/2020 17:02

People 'reaching out' isn't a comment on your self worth OP or that the must have 'really cared' or that other peoples ex's really loved them and yours didn't .

It more likely just means they're still a self involved prat who makes things about them at any opportunity, likes virtue signalling, has guilt they need to offload because they're worried it's the end of the world or are bored at home and covid 19 anxiety has got to them in some other way.

I'm grateful NOT to have heard from ex's, this is bad enough already!

Aroundtheplanet · 02/04/2020 17:44

OP - none of my exes have been in touch since the pandemic.

This weird time of isolation brings up all sorts of emotions. If you were back in the routine of work, social life, hobbies etc would you be that bothered?

Instagram life is just an ideal. Your ex and his partner might be having an awful time together.

I was hoping my ex would be in touch but I have to accept he has probably moved on. So I can relate in a way and wish you all the best

Crystal87 · 02/04/2020 18:29

Why would you expect him to reach out? He's with someone else and they have a daughter. He's moved on and so should you. Sorry if that's harsh but some people are part of our past and that's where they stay. I don't have feelings for any of my exes and the thought of reaching out to someone I hadn't spoke to for years wouldn't occur to me.

NorthEndGal · 02/04/2020 21:01

I think not hearing anything is a good sign, maybe he has learned to keep his focus where it should be, with his child

Glitterb · 02/04/2020 21:11

I would hope after what he had done to you, he would be blocked on absolutely every anyway!

Sorry OP but be grateful you dodged that bullet and don’t go off what you see on social media, people only post what they want people to see

daisychain01 · 02/04/2020 21:45

@RitaSkeeterxXx why are you turning yourself into the Victim over this? I don't understand why you're bothered, you're out of each other's lives, why would COVID19 force an artificial reunion and what could the benefit be?

Have you got back in touch with ex partners where the split was instigated by you? Presumably not, because you wouldn't want to waste time seeing someone you'd given "the big E" to

Indie139 · 05/04/2020 18:41

Maybe you can should reach out to them if theyre on your mind

AgentJohnson · 05/04/2020 18:57

Maybe you should reach out to them if they’re on your mind?

Hell no!

AgentJohnson · 05/04/2020 19:01

Op, this is a moment and it will pass. Don't use Covid 19 as an excuse to re open relationships/ entanglements that should be left well in the past.

Pondskimmer · 05/04/2020 19:05

To be frank, I would think that anyone "reaching out" to a recent ex following a bad break up must be absolutely mad.

This. I can't think of anything worse. OP, I'm sorry you're obviously still reeling from a horrible break-up, but , and he would be revealing himself to be even more insensitive than he clearly is if he did bob up to ask about your health!

If any of my exes came out of the woodwork I would be torn between horror and hysterical laughter.

Indie139 · 05/04/2020 20:19

@AgentJohnson

I wasnt serious (i shouldve made that clear though). This whole reaching out to exes thing thats going on right now is just

Seriously though, theres a reason he exes havent reached out to you OP and you shouldnt be so bothered by it. Exes that reappear at the moment are most likely just doing it out of boredom and thats honestly last thing you need. Count yourself lucky because if they did pop up it would most likely just cause emotions to resurface. If youre bothered by them not contacting you and youre still thinking about them youre prob still in the healing process and not fully over whats happened. Leave it as it is and try to focus on something else.

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