Co parenting with a controlling narcissist, please help

[Changedname78]

Please, any advice is welcome, how do I live with the guilt that I gave my child a parent like that? How do I get on with life when they get involved in everything, schools, clubs, the lot and then makes them self look like super parent and me look like shit. How do I deal with the passive aggressive comments, the criticism? How do I separate my child from that person when they come home judging me because of things they have said/done. Any good books to help me ? How do I switch that off and live a happy life? Thank you

If you both can't get along, just do your best to not engage with him. Build up your self esteem, too. As for your child, you don't know how they're going to turn out, but if their dad is a rubbish person, they'll soon find out. Just remember that as far as your child is concerned, the sun will be shining out of his behind and you have to respect that.

@RLEOM
Thank you, I think that is the best plan of action to just not engage, simple yes or no responses when needed, I feel I get tricked into thinking we can be civil for our child and it always ends the same way ... just wish I could change it all but I can’t so need to learn how to switch off to it.

If you can watch some Stephanie Lyn coaching videos she has a few videos in this topic, I've found her useful.

Thank you!! I will have a look

Just remember you don't have to justify anything. Keep responses as brief as possible and ideally communicate by txt or emailas much as possible so there is a log of conversation. Also it helps to take time between responding and make sure you sift through anything that isnt directly about your child. You don't need to be drawn in on emotional issues or discussions about your personal life.. just sift out the question that pertains to the child and answer that as briefly as you can. Try to limit your own emotions in any correspondence (as usually it's only ever used against you at a later date) and remember you dont have to explain anything! It takes a long time to be able to do this naturally as the urge to right every wrong they are telling you, your doing is so strong but it's just their opinion and ultimately they are only trying to hurt you so they can control you. Good luck, your not alone and it can get better

Also let the guilt go, so you gave your child a narcissistic parent! Unfortunatly lots if us have and yes it sucks big time but you wouldn't have you amazing child if you hadn't. Guilt helps no one, just be the best parent you can beto your child and support them no matter what. They will likely see the narcissistic parent's true colours sooner or later..but dont bad mouth their parent, let them make their own judgement and make sure you let them know they can come to you about anything anytime. Security through love is very important and something a narcissistic parent is likely unable to give.

@PeraltasWife
This is probably the best advice I think I have heard anyone give to someone in this situation. It is all true.
Op your reaction is the oxygen their fire craves. Children do see through them and very early on too, mine have and are starting to. The youngest less so. In fact last week he called me a fucking bitch and said that was what daddy called me. In front of his father. He sobbed straight away afterwards. I just cuddled him and said it was ok. It was exactly the opposite of what my ex wanted which was me to go apeshit with him and our child. Not a chance. He isn’t even three.

Things like this just remind me why I left him and what a sad wretch he is really. Our children keep me going and I know they love me in a way they never will him, because ultimately they see that these people cannot love or be loved. They vote with their feet eventually I imagine, and think mine will.

You will learn to cope because you have to.
In time you will realise that almost everything they say is hollow and meaningless and that they are just shells. you can’t change them and it is not your job to save them or make them a better parent.

But it is hard I know.
Jut be true to yourself and do the best you can for your children.💐