Tell me about your really amicable divorces

[Teaandbed]

Hi I’ve another thread going at the moment about my relationship but I’d like to hear from people that have managed to divorce with out it getting nasty and settlements of finances.

Also has anyone continued to work with the ex during the divorce and after it or am I really wishful thinking.

I’m currently not working but have in the past worked at his business. Which technically I have a share off as we’re married?? Not sure on that one. We would be on different floors and no need to really see each other. This would be the easiest option for me because it’s really close to where we live and I’d be able to work around school hours.

How did you manage to do it with out every thing turning bad

Thanks

Don’t mention money. When it gets to money it always gets nasty

We both knew we were on the rocks for at least three years before I finally called time, we had several discussions about moving on etc. We had one last row in the May and agreed that was it, that our mutual priority was our three DDs and that no lawyers would be involved in the process. We both accepted that neither of us would have got anywhere without the other (30 year relationship) so we wished each other well. I had a one hour consultation with a lawyer which I paid for, which satisfied me that doing it online was appropriate. We agreed on his unreasonable behaviour as the grounds, and he completed that box - I think he found it cathartic, I didn’t even read what he had written. I was the applicant but we split the fee equally. Decree nisi came through, I sent off for the absolute one day when he had been unkind to our daughter.

We didn’t bother with involving the courts in our financial agreement. We had a flat and a house in joint names with roughly equal equity in each: we just got each other’s names taken off the deeds/mortgages so he got the flat and I got the house. No other assets or liabilities in joint names so it was v straightforward. I was paying maintenance to final two daughters going through uni, until one day I decided I’d done enough. He stepped up immediately and paid the rest.

As there is no formal financial agreement the risk remains that he’ll come back for more. Equally however the opportunity remains for me to go back for more. Time will tell, but I think the quickness, the saving in lawyer fees and the lack of acrimony/stress were totally worth it.

He irritates the life out of me but we are still amicable, it’s best for the DDs that way and there’s no reason for us not to continue to wish each other well.

We never worked together, so I can’t speak for how that would be.

We both knew the end had come - both admitted we didn't want to bother trying to salvage the relationship. There was no one else involved for either of us. We had three older teenage children who he agreed would be better staying with me as well as the two dogs and a cat (so he didn't have to think about anything). We sold the house we were living in. He was very generous - agreed to pay mortgage until youngest was 20 in lieu of any maintenance on the understanding that I wouldn't go for half his generous pension and paid half solicitors costs. Both had similar incomes at the time. We agreed between us that I would go to the solicitor and claim irreconcilable differences and we agreed what would be put on the form. (I did phone him to warn him once I'd seen the form in 'solicitor speak' as it sounded horrendous. He later said thanks as it would have completely pissed him off if he'd had no warning of how awful it sounded.)
We were in regular contact about the kids until he moved in and then married his girlfriend - don't get me wrong, I don't feel anything for him but I am frustrated and hurt that he can turn his back on over 20 years together so quickly (less than 4 years after separation) and make those same promises of love and commitment to someone new. I won't ever get married again or even live with someone even though I've been dating same bloke for 3 years.!

We were married 13yrs, together 17, no children.

Our relationship had settled into housemates a few years before, we’d tried counselling and all manner of things to reignite it.
Finally came to a head 18months ago when I kissed someone else, then told him. He saw it as a way of opening our relationship, so we could see other people and still be together. Tried that for a while, but just two months later we came to the conclusion we were only kidding ourselves.

So we separated, but continued to live together for another year.

I finally moved out last month, and he helped me move. Throughout our separation we stayed friends, even went out to dinner occasionally. I met someone new in the meantime ex has been fully supportive of our relationship, as was I went he met a new potential partner.

We decided he’d buy me out, and all I wanted was half the equity and half of the value of furniture and stuff I was leaving behind (I didn’t want anything from the house).
I kept the cats and he’s paying for their pet insurance for the next two years.

We’ve not once argued in all this time. We both made a point of keeping things friendly and amicable, and even now have been checking in on each other etc. We’re still much friends and this is something others (especially his family) have had a hard time getting their heads around.

I think one of the main reasons is because we both knew we’d tried, it was good while it lasted, but there was no point in dragging it out further or making each other unhappy.

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I really appreciate these replies

I’m just going out now but will properly go through them when I get back.

Thank you