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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Worried about DH. Driving apart

2 replies

IamAporcupine · 02/04/2020 08:14

DH is obsessed with excising. He has had (still has?) an ED for years and this was his way to cope with it. He would claim that it is simply 'staying healthy' but I know that it is not just that.

He has a a weigh training and a running machine (no idea about their real names!) in the garage and a bicycle in his office. He just came to tell me he wants to buy a treadmill because 'now with lockdown he cannot walk anymore.'

Thing is, he never walked. He will say he did this and that, but I know for a fact that this is just his anxiety and obsession creeping up. He is approaching 50 and he has been increasingly getting 'worse'.

I've told him I am worried about him, and he gets very defensive.
Looking after his body is almost his first priority. It will usually cause an argument if I suggest that this is not healthy and that he is forgetting other responsibilities. And even enjoying other things.

I constantly try to tell myself that this is his way of coping. But it is really getting to me, and it is driving me apart, as I feel he is just totally obsessed with himself and cannot see beyond his (fit and healthy) nose.

Maybe I should add that we are also spending very little (if any) time together, he is not doing much around the house and leaving me most of the childcare responsibilities to me.

Not sure what advice I want - I think I am writing this just to get it out.

OP posts:
AgentJohnson · 03/04/2020 07:33

I constantly try to tell myself that this is his way of coping.

This isn’t a coping mechanism, it’s part of his ED.

IamAporcupine · 03/04/2020 07:48

You are absolutely right. But he will never admit it.

At the most, he might say that it is the lesser of two evils, but the usual comments is that he 'really needs to keep healthy'

I really do not know how to deal with this anymore. It also worries me that our 8yo will see this as 'normal'

OP posts:
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