Struggling a bit...

[WhoShouldISayIsCalling]

I know everyone is finding it hard at the moment and a lot of people are experiencing mental health difficulties.

I've tried keeping in touch with people but my whatsapp screen is just awash with blue ticks and my messenger screen full of 'seen'.

All the effort has been made by me. There might have been a response to my message but no one has taken any time to say, "Hi. How are you?" No conversations have been extended. Basically, people are polite and generally respond eventually if I message them, but no one actually cares. I dotn have any family beyond my two children.

I'm finding the days long and hard. I don't know how people are keeping in touch and finding things to talk about.

My boyfriend phoned last night and I didn't answer because I've got nothing to say. I just couldn't be bothered to speak to him. I think I'd have been fine if he'd called at any point during the day but I've asked him to call in the evening when I have a bit of time but, by then, I'm in a slump and can't be bothered talking. And I've got nothing to talk about. He's keeping ok and has a lot of friends he's keeping in touch with through the day and he works from home anyway so is used to the isolation (although I know it gets to him).

What reason am I going to give? I've been thinking of breaking up with him. It's only been a few months- 5 or 6 and this could go on for another 3 months and there seems to be little point in it. It's not his responsibility to make me feel better. And I don't want him to dread talking to me because I bring him down. So I'm trying to stay positive when I speak to him but I have nothing to contribute.

Hi there. I didn't want to read and run. We're still so early into this social distancing thing maybe don't make any rash decisions. I'm having to live in a camper van on my drive because I'm a front line worker and it's so tough. Last week I didn't think I could do it but this week has been ok. The thing that's helped me is getting into a routine. Ive asked for help. I've asked people to FaceTime me instead of texting and it really does help. It's tough for you. Be kind to yourself.

There are two things here.

(1) been thinking of breaking up with him Why?

(2) No conversations have been extended. Basically, people are polite and generally respond eventually if I message them, but no one actually cares.... If you don't mind my saying so, you sound like a glass half empty kind of person. Is this reflected in the messages you send? My friends and I are messaging and phoning lots at the moment, but all our communications are upbeat, with the occasional snarky comment about our government and Trump thrown in.

Overall, you sound depressed. You might benefit ftom an antidepressant and/or counselling.

Sorry, forgot another thing that struck me from your post: Why do you have nothing to say? There is so much happening right now..... these are unprecedented times. If ever there was a time to talk, this is it.

One thing I have found is that people are so much more willing to open up about their fears, both personal and for the wider community, our country, the future of our world. Whilst generally reverting to the keep calm and carry on spirit, and cracking a joke.

No, I'm really quite positive about things normally. I've generally just asked people how they're doing and found the positives but it's hard when I'm getting little back. I don't post much on SM but, when I have, I've been positive and had positive responses but I've found it hard to do so over the past few days so haven't.

The isolation has just hit me quite hard and I'm realising that I dont actually have an real friends - I know lots of people but don't really have friends. I don't have any family apart from my brother. From what others have said, they seem to have set up messenger/whatsapp groups and I'm not included in any of those.

I messaged my brother yesterday just to say hi how are you doing? Because he's now WFH and his reply was just "what do you want?" I said I was just checking in to see how I was. He said he was fine and that was it.

I'm thinking of ending my relationship because I'm not feeling great and I don't want to bring him down and can't see how the relationship will survive anyway so it just feels a bit pointless.

I should have been in work a couple of days a week but we've had to close completely due to staff shortages and I've only been there since Christmas so don't have the relationships with colleagues yet either.

ultrababy that sounds really tough and thank you for all your hard and amazing work! I think I'm finding the lack of connection to anything that looks like my life difficult.

I bought food so that I could at least cook but I don't have the motivation to even do that.

FlowerArranger I suppose I'm losing interest in discussing it tbh. The conversations I have had all seem to be the same. I've not even been negative about the situation - tried to find the positives etc but when insaw him calling last night I thought, what have I done today? Not much. Same as yesterday and the day before. He's not really interested in talking about 'us' so even making plans for what we can do afterwards is difficult. Esp when I can't really see us lasting that long.

We've already had many conversations about what this will mean for the our communities, our country, the world - hopes and fears. Can't keep talking about the same things.

I personally hope we will see a paradigm shift and that there will be less focus on the materialistic and greater compassion and a greater sense of unity. A lot of my friends are fearful about their finances and social breakdown/unrest in the coming months.

And I don't know if I should send him a message this morning. Or leave it. I don't want to disturb him. I don't want him to feel that talking to me is a negative experience. I don't know what to say.

But I don't want to appear to be 'playing games' and wait for him to contact me either.

I'm spending a lot of time sitting at the bottom of the garden, drinking tea and listening to bird song though.

It's lovely hearing even less traffic than usual.

It's very peaceful.

How are you spending your days? What are you doing to stop yourself drifting along? At this time, more than ever before, it is crucial to live consciously and stay connected.

My friends and I talk about stuff we've heard on the radio or read in newspapers/online, YouTube, theatre and opera broadcasts, things we saw on our daily walks, exchange suggestions about exercise videos, photos our children sent us, recipes, funny cartoons and videos, how the plants in our gardens are coming along, silly things our cats and dogs did...

In other words, the minutiae of life. It's this kind of stuff that keeps us connected.

I've been spending time with my children (early 20s and mid teens) and we've had a really lovely time; watched films and made popcorn; ordered some craft stuff and just waiting for it to arrive; baked a cake; had a campfire out in the garden a couple of evenings; washed curtains, cleaned windows and tried to keep on top of housework; read a book (well tried, but finding it difficult to concentrate); played my guitar; bit of work; loads of laundry; tidied the pantry; playing games...

I feel like I'm watching other people's social connections and friendships grow stronger but have no idea how to get involved myself. I've attempted to but I'm clearly getting it wrong because im not being included in their online social activities and finding it increasingly hard to do so.

Is there someone amongst your friends who you are more connected to, someone who is on the same wavelength? Can you connect with her and work from there?

Also, in your communications, do you specifically refer to stuff your friends have mentioned. People value it tremendously if you remember what concerns and matters to them. For instance, I've shared links to online museums with a friend who loves art, online national theatre broadcasts to another friend who is into theatre, YouTube exercise videos to my friend who wants to stay fit during lockdown, a paper about hyperthyroidism in cats with someone who is worried about her cat..... and so on. These sharings open up communication about other stuff.

Yes, but she's heavily involved in a couple of whatsapp/messenger groups and so doesn't really have the time. She's shared a couple of things from a couple of those and we've kept it upbeat but it's a couple of messages once a day. Other people seem to have set up groups and be talking on the phone loads.

Of course, yes, I do those other things. I guess everyone else just already has 'friends' with whom they making the effort to keep in touch.

I find it hard to keep the conversation going about other stuff, I suppose. And I'm no good at 'chit chat'.

It was ok last week, I'm just realising how disconnected I am from everyone really.

The only people who have contacted me without me making contact with first are a much older man who asked me out last year (I turned him down!) And a man I'm reasonably friendly with who then asked for a 'photo' to keep him entertained for a while. Obviously, I didnt send one!

I keep seeing friends tag others in posts on fb suggesting they set up virtual get togethers on zoom. It's just that sort of thing really.

But thank you for your suggestions x

I feel similar regarding boyfriend. I also don't have much of an 'update' after a day and don't have much to talk about since wfh and 2 DC at home.
I took a strategy 'fake it until you make it' so been texting him nice and sounding cheerful.
Also think exercise would improve mental health and the way I perceive things.

oreoxoreo that's what I've been doing so far but he called last night rather than messaging and I find it so much harder to do in person!!

Nothing in doing is particularly interesting - nothing to make an interesting conversation out of and feel it's nothing more than an exchange of "what have you been doing today?" And "how are you feeling?"

Which is getting a bit boring tbh so it must be for him too.

He's having lengthy chats and conversations with his friends but a lot of that is jokey banter.

I suppose I'm.just seeing that, away from each other, we actually enslave very little to talk about or, rather, he isnt very interested in talking tomme or letting me in.

I don't feel there's much of an emotional connection there.