Finding Mr Positivity positively irritating

[TheLibrarianStoleMyBanana]

Hello all need a reality check please if anyone is willing?

I am suffering from depression and having a bit of a tough time at the minute (who isn't?) and I have been seeing a guy over the last couple of months.

One of the qualities that initially I really liked about him was his positivity, he's cheery and upbeat and tries to see the best in a situation - great! Really nice to be around a happy person!

Only recently I've been getting increasingly irritated by his 100% positive outlook on everything, mainly when I am trying to discuss something that I'm finding difficult or worrisome in my life.
I have mentioned to him before that sometimes it's hard that he is so positive about things because I don't always see it in as positive a light.

Something came up recently that he really doesn't understand and before I had a chance to explain the sad circumstances behind it he was being Mr Positive about it.
I got a bit frustrated and tried to explain how it's hard to chat to him about things sometimes when all he sees is the happy and I sometimes need to talk about what is stressing me out/worrying me etc. We ended up having a bit of a falling out and think that's the end of it really.

I think I feel like Ms Negativity in comparison and worry that I am taking the wind out of his sails when I respond "Yes that is lovely... but..." because for me the reality is far more complex.

He doesn't ask how I feel about situations just always assumes the best and although I'm sure he's just being his happy self or trying to make me feel better about stuff, in some cases he's making me feel worse somehow? Like he is dismissing my concerns but with positivity? He never commiserates or says anything like "Oh that must be really difficult just now" before going into the everything is fine and wonderful positives. I'm finding the never considering any of the not so positive aspects getting a bit annoying.

Am I being ridiculous really here?

He doesn't sound positive, he sounds dismissive. 'I'm not feeling great about what happened.' 'It will be ok, don't worry.' He has dismissed you and what you're going through. He's not interested.

I have a friend like this and I've realised that what I thought of previously as empathy (because she is undeniably nice and kind) is actually not that.

In fact she's unable to put herself in the position of others or accept they have different ways of dealing with things, so she thinks she's helping but actually invalidates people's feelings (unknowingly).

Because she never just says "shit that must have been horrible, poor you" which is what we all need sometimes. Instead she has a script of sort of motivational Instagram post type quotes that could apply to any generic situation.

Anyway, she is genuinely a lovely person and I value her as a friend - we are all different. But now don't chat to her about things I need more realistic support / empathy / compassion about. So I definitely couldn't have a partner who was similar to her!

I wasn't trying to place blame anywhere really, just wondered if I was being silly about feeling dismissed by so much positivity - I would normally be all for a positive outlook but this was making me feel bad.

There were a few other things that made me feel that this has run its course and he was less interested than he made out but I wanted to talk through the positivity because I'd never really experienced anything like that I don't think.

Thank you to everyone, I don't feel so daft as I did for finding that aspect of him hard to deal with.

I'm glad I've broken it off, I think that's a bit of personal growth for me because I have historically not really listened to myself about stuff that makes me feel unhappy and tend to stick out relationships way past the point where I should have left.

Onwards and upwards!

That would have driven me insane OP and I would have found that fake. No one can be that positive about everything all the time.
I hope he is positive about being dumped 🙈.

Harshtruth

Either you are basing your assessment of my personality solely on the basis of the question I asked about someone else's behaviour or presumably you are so lucky in life that you have never had anything happen that you would need to talk through with a friend.

Whichever, that is not very kind at best, and a bit ridiculous at worst because you don't actually know me at all.

I think I'll not take too much to heart what you are saying, thanks all the same.

Littlewing That made me laugh! I hope he does feel positive about it, I'm positive that I do!

OP do ignore that ridiculous comment above. You sound lovely and very normal. I read about toxic positivity discussed upthread and it was interesting . Glad you're feeling a bit happier about your decision, hope your next romantic interest has the full range of emotions available and is somebody you can just be yourself with and feel accepted

Thanks Jenganinja, I try ha ha! I'm not taking it on board at all. Luckily I'm having a normal day, because had I been feeling down like I do at times that comment on top would probably would have upset me greatly. I think some people enjoy lashing out and being a bit cruel to people for no real reason and being relatively anonymous online makes it easier for them to do so.

I had a read about Toxic positivity too, and I found it really interesting as well. I think to some extent that is why I was finding Mr Positivity so confusing.

Thank you to the PP who suggested reading about it!

@TheLibrarianStoleMyBanana
I've told upthread about my mr.P, but this one takes the cake, so I decided to share.
I just HAD to post this about my Mr. POSITIVETY! I think he is up for an award to be the most positive person ever to exist🤣. All the other Positivity People have decided to vote him as their King....so he will now be referred to as King Positivity...
Here's the back story of his recent promotion....it has been raining here for almost six weeks straight....Our neighbours below us have a 30 foot wide by 40 foot tall huge evergreen pine tree on the very vertical slope between our houses. Well, lo and behold it fell over in the night....luckily no one was injured and other than a few flower pots, nothing was damaged....when I went in the kitchen this a.m. I spied it out the window, but the neighbours were no where to be found....King P. kept calling them, and finally the elderly lady who lives there with her husband answered the phone. KING P. Inquired as to if they were alright and she said they were peachy...DH asked if they new about the fallen tree and she said NO, OH NO! WHAT ARE WE GONNA DO?!
..King P. says not to worry...think of all that wonderful fire wood you will have now! She informs him that they don't use their fireplace....(ok, wait for it!)......
His lovely, helpful K.P cheerful response was " no worries. Its the perfect time to start using it!"

I may not have to put a pillow over his head...my poor neighbours might just do it for me

No doubt he'd suggest being a bit more positive.

Maybe it's not in his nature to want to listen to complex, and from what you say, miserable problems. Or at least as frequently as you want him to.