Why do men have the inability to say sorry

[peonyfairy03]

I know there is bigger things going on and everyone is stressed but this is just heighten how grumpy and pessimistic my DH is.

Married second marriage for both no DCs together he has 3 2 from previous marriage and 1 as a OND. All his DC are with their mums. My DC are with me as I’m sole carer.

DH is a keyworker so goes early morning back by late afternoon I’m WFH trying to keep DC schooling on track and do all normal chores. DH comes in goes straight to watch news no question about how my day is or about me. Straight into moaning takes over telly and the. Falls asleep on sofa. No offer of helps just throws at me he’s been to work. I’m trying to make things easy and there is no appreciation and when I say anything to him he replied I don’t expect anything of you.

On top of that he said to me if you get ill with this virus what do you want at your funeral I’ve checked life assurance so I will be ok if you die! (Sorry that’s a bit insensitive to those who had lost someone and I apologise) I just can’t believe he said that.

Sorry for the rant currently sat in spare room as I don’t want there to be an argument with him. Thanks for reading

This has nothing to do with any supposed male inability to apologise and everything to do with the fact that your specific male is a selfish knob.

This has nothing to do with any supposed male inability to apologise and everything to do with the fact that your specific male is a selfish knob.

This!

My partner doesnt behave like this. Hes a frontline essential worker, in a risky job (not NHS), and right now hes working a 13.5 hour shift. He'll be shattered when he walks in the door, but he wont be aggressive or nasty or selfish, because thats not the sort of man he is (he will probably be grumpy though). Your DH is just not a nice man.

I know he just don’t see it at all. I’m not asking for a medal just an acknowledgement that I exists. I asked him to apologies for saying about the life assurance and funeral and he said no I’m only saying the truth.

Before this he can be quite sweet and caring he does get grumpy when tired but everything that’s going on has completely changed him it’s like he’s become a complete stranger.

Well the first thing I'd be doing is changing the life assurance if it's in your power to do so!

And yes, not because he's a man, it's because he's a twat!

Don't keep a 'stepdad' like this for your kids to learn from...

I'm in almost the same situation as you, just a different bloke. He's working 15hrs a day, 6 days a week, he got in at 5pm, made his own lunch for tomorrow, we sat in the kitchen and he told me about his day, I told him about mine, we chatted and had a laugh, had tea and he went to bed at 7.

Your dh sounds like a self absorbed dick.

He’s really good with the kids helps them with school projects goes fishing with them and doesn’t really say a bad word against them. I know he misses his kids they were supposed to come for Easter and now not happening and his DD from ONS usually comes EOW but not at the moment and her mother doesn’t encourage FT there is always an excuse for him not to speak to her.

I’m just not sure how to deal with his grumpiness and how to help him.

My exh was quite resentful when I had my dc and he didn't...

There's plenty of evidence that parents and teachers don't hold boys to the same level of responsibility as they do girls. Lots of boys grow up without learning to take responsibility and apologise when they do wrong.

That doesn't mean we have to put up with it.

There are plenty of women (and girls) who won’t can’t say they’re sorry. My DSD seems to have ‘inherited’ this refusal inability (from her mother; her father is able to apologise, but should be stronger in forcing his DD to). She will literally refuse to apologise, regardless what she’s done. It’s really not a good thing.

But that’s not relevant here. The issue isn’t a lack of apology. It’s that (as everyone has pointed out) your DH is an arsehole. No amount of apologies will make up for that.

How long have you been together?

Been together 6 years married 3. He usually is ok grumpy when tired but nothing an early night doesn’t fix but I think the whole situation we are in is freaking him out. He says people he works with are not sticking to the rules regarding spacing and coming in if they feel unwell. But he’s on such a downer and it’s coming across as grumpy

Sounds like he's losing the plot tbh.

That's not to excuse him, because he's behaving like a complete prick at the moment. but the cold way he said about the life insurance - that's either someone who hates you or is losing his marbles because of the stress.

Whatever way, it's not acceptable - there is no excuse for abuse. Stop being so amenable, he's walking over you. Expect some respect, don't ask but expect.

So sorry you're going through this. It sounds awful. Don't let him do this to you.

You say you're WFH - is that full time? And trying to look after the kids on top?

If that's so, then you definitely get to split the household chores down the middle with your DH, keyworker or not.

Yes full time and still going on as work in education. I’ve tried saying this to him and he just say well I don’t expect you do you anything but then if I don’t it won’t get done.