I'm totally lost

[justme36]

I will try to make this short.

I married a Brazilian man in 2010 and we moved to Brazil in 2018. We came here with good savings and the intention to buy a house and no longer pay rent. I wasn't happy to have a mortgage back home and so I thought this would be a good idea.
He comes from a very rural state in Brazil ...almost like Texas in US.
We live in his home town which is extremely small (15000) people. I liked while here on holidays but the reality is starting to hit me hard.
WE bought land and we are in the middle of building a house. He also promised me and my daughter (15) that here he will make a lot more money than in UK and life will be great.
Since we have arrived I have been the only one supporting the family. His family business is going down the drain and he has no income. I am an online teacher and earn well but I am starting to feel very fed up of providing for the whole family in HIS country. (He wasn't happy in UK and so I sacrificed to come here ).
I try to talk to him and tell him how I feel but he says he is doing his best and if I don't like it I can fuck off. Yep...he has started to talk to me like shit . He swears on a regular basis if I say something he doesn't like. I do everything I can to support the family and to build our house practically on my own and every time I try to talk to him about his income and our future he gets angry and says I am pressuring him. I feel unappreciated, unloved and taken advantage of.
With time I have also started having doubts that I made the right decision to come and live here. I miss Europe and family. You don't realise what you have until you lose it as people say.
Now I am in this hole and I don't know what to do. Shall I leave him and go home with my daughter? He is her step father and he adopted her when she was 5. I feel very conflicted and I also feel we rushed to start building a house before we see whether he will have an income here. The walls are up and we have put the roof but it's not even plastered. He will have to sell it and give me my half eventually as he has no income to finish it. It is in both our names.

Am I selfish?

What did he do for work in the uk?

He worked in a factory making furniture

Hi OP
You can get back home now. It is an option. Chinese airlines are back flying, so you may have to go through China to get back to the UK but Chinese airlines are landing into Heathrow today.
Another option for you if you cannot wait, which would be understandable.
(I work in global aviation, there are loads more flights flying than you might think)

Don't leave without his signature allowing you to take his daughter to the UK indefinitely ( yes, he adopted her so you are both her parents).

You can trade your interest in the house for this if necessary.

You are using effective contraception, right? Please, please do not get pregnant. Don't rely on him to ensure that.

Make your plans quietly without telling him. This will keep you sane in the months ahead. In mid to late June you can start your negotiations.

You should investigate what's happening with your credit rating in the UK and see if it can be improved.

Are you being realistic in shooting for Kingston on Thames and SW London generally?

Thank you for your messages. I feel so much better now.

I don't know why I felt so bad about leaving and questioning why he has done this to us but I know now that I was doing the wrong thing. I should question why he does what he does but rather is it ok for me...and the answer is no.

Mathanxiety...you have made some good points

I will make my plans quietly and I will get him to sign on me leaving with my daughter permanently. I was actually looking at just preparing a document that says he is happy for her to travel with me outside Brazil. I don't see him chasing after us to be honest. But I might look to make another document which says I am free to return with her permanently.
I am not pregnant and no need for contraception anymore because we no longer have sex.

And yes when I go back I would like to find a place in Kingston Upon Thames. I have to see what's going on with my rating. I have always paid everything on time and rent including.

You need to be your daughter's rock, op. It's not appropriate for her to be your rock. She's 15, it's not her job to prop you up. Her job is to be the child she is.

Sorry to be harsh. When you get to the UK she can spread out and be a kid without having to worry about you. Once you get yourself steady you can start being the oak she needs.

Math is right, you need his signature to take her out of the country because he's her father by adoption.

Springydaff I totally agree with you. I meant that she understands the situation. She could have easily refused to go back to UK as she is very happy here. I tell her that everything will be ok

I’ve been to Brazil. It may seem nice at first but the reality of the poor infrastructure etc. is very hard to live with, I can imagine.
I think you should take your child and leave, you’ve supported his family for long. It’s hard to have everything rest on your shoulders such as supporting the whole family financially.

Fmlgirl exactly.....the poor infrastructure, poor mentality, poverty and just not liking the people too much.

I have not been supporting his family (as in his mum and dad). I have supported us 3 only but we are living in his parents' house

That sounds tough and yes make plans to move back. But I think you're crazy to be looking to rent in the most expensive city in the UK.

I know it's expensive but my sister lives there and I don't want to be far away from her :( She is my only family left

Suddenly my daughter has decided that she doesn't want to go back to England. I have no idea what to say to her or what to do. I can not leave her here with her adoptive dad.
She says she wants to stay because of her friends. I know at this age that is their main concern but she also can see what her dad is doing and how he is treating me but she still wants to stay.
I can not leave without her. Help me convince her

Say nothing for a while. Start working on her when it's closer to the time to go.

You may need to put your foot down and start telling her some truths about the way you are being treated.

You can tell her she can always return to Brazil once her education is complete, her friends can visit the UK and stay with you and her for extended visits, and she can show them round. Ask her to start making plans with them to visit.

But do all of this in a few months. For now, sit tight.

She said: I understand the situation but I don't want to accept it.

She knows how I have been treated as she has seen it all.

I will try to keep quiet for now

You mentioned going home for your dads 60th so why do you keep saying your sister is your only family?? You seem to be contradicting yourself and sadly if your daughter doesn't want to leave you can't force her, it may come down to you deciding whether to stay with her or return to the UK without her...

My dad lives in Bulgaria. I was going to visit him

It was good timing to go to his birthday and from there return to UK