Single and feeling bleak

[Curlywurly12]

Ive just come out of a very long term relationship. I’m 29. I’ve got a job but no savings and I’m realising how much I depended on my ex for financial security in the sense I imagined we would always be together and always be able to pool our resources. I have no family (one brother but we aren’t close), very few friends, and everything feels so completely bleak. I’m in a really shitty flatshare and can’t see that I will ever be able to afford a way out of it, I’m conscious of my declining fertility, and disappointed that I haven’t achieved anything. I don’t know what I’m looking for on here but I feel like what is the point of continuing, working to find this horrible existence. I can see myself dying alone. I don’t think getting a hobby will fix this

Anyone? I am so alone

This is a really tough time for everyone. This is also a really tough time for you. But it will get better. And you will feel better. It won't always feel like this.

I'm sorry OP.
This is the shittiest time it could happen as well.
It magnifies so much.
So many are alone right now.
If you are feeling really low then please do contact the Samaritans.
They are a good listening ear for you.
Your fertility is fine. You are still young OP so don't fixate on that!
Do have a look on line at support groups in your area.
And a hobby won't fix it.
But it could make you feel a bit better.
Anything is worth a go at the moment.
Please also speak with your GP.
You could be depressed and they can help with that.

You do have plenty of time on your side still. For so much.

And it really won't feel like it, but this can be an opportunity. You can plan and decide what you really want out of life, and to start working towards it.

Speak to the Samaritans if you need to, and yes it does feel shitty and dark right now, take time to grieve your relationship . I hope things look better to you soon.

So sorry you are feeling like this.
Breaking up at any time is tough and with everything going on right now it must be even worse.
Be kind to yourself, lots of self care and pampering. Try and distract yourself as much as possible, box sets, novels, online courses etc connect with friends and family through social media or phone call. Could you look for a better flat share when things improve or housing association shared ownership scheme?

Try not to worry about fertility you still have time on your side.
I know it feels really bleak right now but honestly you will get through this and life will get better. 💐

I don’t have any family or friends to fall back on though

I've just left a marriage of less than 6 months after finding out he's a sex addict. I'm 33. Was with him 5 years. My whole world is collapsing. I feel your pain x

OP, when I was your age I was in the exactly the same situation, apart from having 2 children from the long term relationship I had just come out of. Since then I have:

1. Had a 1 year relationship with someone I really fell for (9 years younger than me.
2. Then met 2nd husband (20 year relationship, 3 more children)
3. Then met another partner, 7 year relationship.
4. Yet another partner, 2 year relationship. Loved him very much (still do) though we're not seeing each other at the moment for various reasons. Still on good terms, was chatting on Whatsapp last night)

The point I'm making is, you are at the beginning of your life, there will be many more good times to come for you. When this virus is over and we are allowed out freely again, do whatever you can to get yourself out there (I got a job in a pub and met the dad of my 3 boys there). As my 7 year relationship was going really stale, I joined a class where I met the love of my life. Sadly there were issues, but I hope maybe (foolishly probably) that things will still work out with me and him, but who knows, if it doesn't work out, maybe I will meet another partner to love (yes at my age ).

Try to keep your chin up, I know how hard it is but please try. One thing I have learned is that things can change in the blink of an eye. There will be good times, and bad times, but rarely is a life all good or all bad.

Learning that you don't need anybody to fall back on is the hardest and most valuable lesson. It's hard, but you are catastrophising. If you've leaned on your ex for years, it's natural you'll feel that you don't have a fully fledged life of your own right now. But you can build that, starting now. Be your own project. Take amazing care of yourself. Be the person you can fall back on.

And allow yourself to feel sad, without beating yourself up. You haven't focussed on yourself until now, that's all. Now's your chance.

It will get better. I promise you it will. 💐
Take it from me, I've lost my husband when I was only 23 years old, moved to the UK for work.
I got into a very wrong relationship with an abuser. That lasted for 6(!!!) years.
I had no one here and I felt like no one will want me , I was damaged goods and won't ever be able to be on my own. I have no family here. I thought I was alone. I wasn't, I realised how many friends I had that considered me family.
I left him and the amazing (from outside) life and moved into a flat share. Meet one of my best friends , we rented at the same time.
I have an ok job, I might not be living lavishly but I am free to find someone who will make me very happy. (Its not the guy I was recently dating tho 🤣🤣🤣 but I was so proud I could tell him we're done when I felt like it wasn't working )
And I can buy as many coats I want 🤦🏻‍♀️
It's harder financially when you're not in a partnership, but you will soon adjust 🤗

I am very sorry and I wish I can help. I do not know if this will make you feel better, but I have been married for 25 years and have never felt more lonely. Things will get better soon. I promise.

I too was in a flatshare at 29. You're young still especially if you're living in London it's not easy to get your own place.
You are focusing on your finances and this is within your power to improve to some extent. Does your job have good prospects or is it a bit dead end? Could studying lead to promotion? I think if you focus positively on improving your finances and planning for the future you could be in a much more secure position in 5 years time.