Pressure of this situation testing relationship

[Festivalgirl83]

The pressure of this situation and isolation is getting too much for our relationship.
Snapped at DP last night as he said he was going to do some shopping for his ex wife (even though she has a Tesco express and coop at the end of her street and her parents also live two mins away).
There have always been issues with boundaries between the two of them, this i feel may be another or has the pressure of all this got to me and I'm being unreasonable?

Do they have dc?

Is she struggling?

It doesn't matter if other people think you are being unreasonable.

If you are unhappy with the situation, you don't need to force your yourself to accept it even if someone else would.

For me, it would depend what those other boundary crossings were but I wouldn't get involved with someone who had boundary issues with an ex.

I went out with someone once who had a good co-parenting relationship with his ex wife. All good and healthy; no boundaries crossed; still did things together with the kids - appropriately. I ended it because of one incidence of quite small, maybe insignificant to many, 'boundary crossing' with the ex gf he had had between the ex wife and me.

They have a 7 year old DD. She isnt struggling she goes to work as a key worker twice a week.

Various things over the past two years- having a takeaway with her after taking their DD out for the day together and not coming to me when he had arranged to come 7pm, that was at the beginning of the relationship. Constant face timing to each other, spending his birthdays with her, moving childcare with her so she can see her BF which meant letting me down with a hospital appointment...the list is endless

Doesn't sound good to me, I wouldn't be happy with any of that at all.

What you put up with at the start of the relationship sets the tone for the rest.

The fact they have a child changes it. Of course he should be helping. I can't stand my ex, but he's the father of my son and self isolating and the least I can do is offer a bit of food shopping.
If this was a man writing about his wife and her ex/ child, he'd be crucified on here.
Your dh has another multiple of years Co parenting. He is trying to keep the relationship as easy as possible for the sake of his hold. That's the sign of a good man.
If you are insecure about the relationship, address that but I think on this occasion he is being fair and a good dad

It depends why it bothers you. It's a situation where you should be pleased that you have a man who is happy to play his part and make an effort for his child. Helping others is a good thing to do.

Spending his birthdays with her?! Letting you down for a hospital appointment for her convenience? Why are you putting up with this OP?

I don't think you're being unreasonable. She can get her own shopping! But maybe it's more than just doing the shopping, an excuse to see his child and he's got more time on his hands?

FFS!
His ex is a keyworker. It's extremely difficult to buy food. Even if the shop is adequately stocked, it's very time consuming with all the queing etc.

Just put yourself in the shoes of a typical working single parent with a seven year old for a moment. By the time she leaves work, I expect the shops have sold out of much she needs. When she finally gets home, she may want to shower and change her clothing so as to minimise the risk to her child. Then she has to cook for her daughter. It really doesn't leave much time for any quality time with her daughter before her bedtime.
If you consider doing a bit of shopping for his ex AND HIS OWN CHILD

'issues with boundaries' then you really need to find yourself a new relationship with someone that doesn't have children or an ex that they remain on friendly terms with
You don't come out of this looking good OP

But maybe it's more than just doing the shopping, an excuse to see his child and he's got more time on his hands?

He should not need an excuse. It's perfectly reasonable for a father to see their child.

Also, many shops apparently don't want children to enter now, so it would be difficult to go shopping on her days off too.
You don't know whether her parents are shielding and even if they aren't, it really isn't unreasonable for a child's father to do a bit of shopping for his child and her mother.

I'm a front line key worker working full time with two DC and manage to go shopping though?

But the ex only works 2 days a week compared to OP who is F/T and has kids also. I can totally see why OP is questioning this.

You clearly don't want him to have anything to do with her. I still get on with my ex. We didn't have kids but we occasionally meet up for a coffee. Been married almost 20 years and DH has never had an issue with this.

Yo do need to be careful though interfering although I'd have been bloody fuming about the hospital appointment.
My exH of 18 years has completely ghosted me on the say so of his new girlfriend who is massively jealous of me because I'm better looking than her, earn more and am better educated....not blowing my own trumpet but it's true..... and I am bloody fuming.
I think he is pathetic throwing away our 20 years together and refusing even to be friends because his new squeeze is being pathetic.
I don't want him back so she doesn't have anything to be jealous about.

Had a very Frank chat he doesnt see the problem, doesnt understand the over stepping of boundaries that has happened before. Both seeing things very differently 😔

Huge red flag for me is not him being on good terms with his ex, it's the letting you down in favour of her.

A friendly relationship with his ex is a positive thing for me, as it shows maturity and the ability to let go of drama and focus on what's best for his DC.

But letting you down at the last minute or prioritising her needs over yours no matter what the context, shows that he is still very emotionally invested in his ex.