Please help - rights over children after dp abandons them

[hurricane]

Long story but dp has left me and children (3 and 5) in family house. House is in both our names although dp pays mortgage. I've said that since dp has left me (I didn't want this) then how and when he sees kids is up to me. He's currently living in a tent. DP and his parents are now talking about getting solicitors involved to give dp access to kids. What rights does he have in this situation? We're not married if that makes any difference. Please help

Was this man a bad father ie abusive/violent?
He is paying your mortgage and living in a tent?
Aren't your children missing their dad?

I know you may still be hurting from this split but putting your kids on the middle is not the way to go.

If your ex's name is on your kids birth certificates he wil have shared parental responsibility with you and you should have equal say in your children's lives.

Hi Hurricane, I know you are really upset and angry right now, but what you really should be thinking is " how do my kids not get messed up by this?". I was in a similar position 10 years ago and i KNOW how much you want to hurt dp becfause he has hurt and shocked you so much, but i promise you if you can swallow that down when it comes to arrangements for kids You and you kids will be much happier in the long run.
))))))))hug((((((((

Hurricane, It sounds like you've had a really crappy time but I have got to echo what the others have said. If your dp has parental responsibility he has as many rights and responsibilities to your children as you do. If he doesn't then you have a little more say but please think about how you can encourage your children to maintain a good relationship with their dad. It will be very difficult for you now but it will be worth it in the long run. Plus if this does go to court you will only look bad if you obstruct reasonable contact.

Good luck. Thinking of you.

Have no prob with dp seeing kids and have already arranged for him to pick them up from school on Friday and take them out on Sat. However, as he is an absolute mess right now and emotions are very raw and he's living in a tent there is obviously a limit to how and how often he can see them. Am prepared to give him more access if and when he is settled.

He has always paid the mortgage but I have always paid childcare (probably costs more) and other bills so where do we stand with the house? Help.

No, not violent or abusive. Has been a perfect father until now. Although we've been having ups and downs (with quite a lot of downs lately) his leaving is a bit out of the blue and devastating for us.

Is he living in a tent because he's let you stay in the house and he can't afford anywhere decent to live. If this is the case it seems a bit harsh to prevent him seeing his children. Is there somewhere else he could see them.

I would say that given the house is in joint names you both have equal rights over it. Even though he was paying mortgage you were equally contributing to family costs.
I'm glad you are promoting contact, can't be easy though...

DP said he wanted to move out and didn't love me or want to be with me any more. We couldn't have stayed in same house under these circumstances so he had to move out. He went to a B & B first then the tent. He is looking for somewhere to live and can easily afford the rent on somewhere else and hotels/ B & Bs in the mean time. Although he pays the mortgage I pay the childcare and other bills so it probably works out about equal expenditure (I pay more in proportion to my income than he does). I am willing for him to take kids out and have already agreed this and am happy for him to have more access when he's settled. However, his parents are urging him to get solicitors involved and I just need to know where I stand.

No, it's not easy. Hardest thing I've ever experienced. Especially since I still love him and want us to be together. Still not told kids what's going on (told them he's at a friends). He's definite about going though even though I don't want him to.

My friend was in a very similar situation last year. She was left in tatters when her DH left her. She wasn't used to being on her own and genuinely felt she wouldn't manage without him. Luckily she found some inner strength and has got through the roughest times. Her 2 kids are a real credit to her (as I'm sure yours are) and it will amaze you how resiliant kids can be if they have a loving and stable parent around even if the other one isn't.

Would it be worth you also getting legal advice? Its best to find one who specialises in family proceedings.

When your dp has got himself sorted with accomodation etc could you tell the children together?

Theres some good kids books around which cover parents separating. Theres also a good website, I'll have a look for it.

Yes, please if you can find the website and suggest books.

I think that as long as the access is stable then solicitors shouldnt be involved, set days each week so that the children and adults involved know where they stand will be good, think his parents should butt out though.

Sorry for not getting back to you sooner with details of good website. Its www.parentlineplus.co.uk I hope thats right. If not google it.