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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Lazy DH driving me nuts during lockdown!

5 replies

NoShltSherlock · 31/03/2020 14:01

Anyone else's DH really winding them the f up? He's being utterly useless and downright lazy. He's off work, NOT wfh as he is a tradesman so unable to. I'm wfh (a very limited version of my actual job, but still wfh). We have 12yo ds and 2yo dd at home and I'm doing my best to keep them entertained. Ds is no problem at all, doing some school work but also a bit of what he fancies as struggling with motivation which I get so not being hard on him. Dd is being a little terror, which I can also understand. She's used to being at nursery 4 days a week with other kids to play with, loads of stuff to entertain her including endless messy play which she loves and we just don't have at home. DH spending most of his time sat playing console, eating or on his phone. He's done nothing productive around the house. No cooking. He either leaves dd to just run riot while I'm in the other room trying to work, can hear her crying for me because she's bored and all he does is tell her off. Or he lets her come in the kitchen with me so I can get FA done. He does nothing to try and entertain her. I'm still doing all of the housework and cooking. He can't work out what my problem is and is calling me snappy and miserable - no sh*t Sherlock! Driving me absolutely mental!

OP posts:
MyOwnSummer · 31/03/2020 14:06

He CAN work it out, he is choosing not to.

Kick him up the arse, you need to be absolutely clear with him. If you can't work effectively you will be let go or put on furlough at a 20% pay cut.

He needs to get his head out of his arse, seriously. Does he not think that childcare is his job too, especially now? Was he useless before the pandemic?

NoShltSherlock · 31/03/2020 14:10

I wouldn't say useless but has always done the bare minimum, I guess everything is just magnified now we are both home 24/7! I just can't understand how he can sit around knowing there's stuff to be done and not feel obliged to get up and do it. I can't relax until I know that everything is done. He says that makes me OCD and I should relax a bit!

OP posts:
SapatSea · 31/03/2020 15:01

Stop being a martyr , call him out on it. Read him the "riot act". I know you shouldn't have to do it but give him a list of household jobs to do. Get him to take the kids out for some exercise while you work. Give him ideas of what to do with littlest one (e.g. bubbly bath with lots toys, he can watch her and still be sitting on his a**e). It's a great opportunity for him to really bond with the DC.

billy1966 · 31/03/2020 15:03

I would say useless, and selfish OP.

Another waster on MN.

He'll continue to be a waster as long as you put up with it.

Goid luck.

BackseatCookers · 31/03/2020 15:25

Stop being a martyr , call him out on it. Read him the "riot act". I know you shouldn't have to do it but give him a list of household jobs to do. Get him to take the kids out for some exercise while you work. Give him ideas of what to do with littlest one (e.g. bubbly bath with lots toys, he can watch her and still be sitting on his arse). It's a great opportunity for him to really bond with the DC.

Totally agree with this - I know that you shouldn't have to give a grown adult a list of things to do with their kid / housework that needs doing / how to cook a meal.

BUT he's behaving like a lazy wanker so unfortunately at the moment that's probably the best thing to do. While on lockdown because let's face it, this is going to go on a while so it needs to be addressed ASAP.

Also maybe remind him how unattractive someone that lazy and selfish is.

Sit him down and ask him plainly why on earth he thinks you should take responsibility for so much more than him, especially when he isn't working.

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