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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

How are people managing being separated?

29 replies

anxiousanimal · 30/03/2020 20:39

Hi all,
I am struggling a LOT with not being with my partner during this time. I am 19 stuck at my parents house because they want me to be at home during the lockdown.
But I am breaking down at the smallest thing due to missing my partner so much. I am crying right now over the fact that I can't have a cuddle.
Is that pathetic?
I'm just finding this really really hard, I miss him a lot.
Please give any advice, I need it!

OP posts:
Windmillwhirl · 30/03/2020 20:45

I'm not breaking down crying but I am definitely missing him. This will pass in time. I'm just looking forward to meeting up again. We said we will go away somewherec pecial to celebrate when lockdown ends, but I think loads will have the same idea Grin

playthestation · 30/03/2020 20:57

Do you normal live with them? You are 19, with a patented and talk about your parents house. Do you have your own place?

playthestation · 30/03/2020 20:58

With a partner Blush

I don't think you can patent them Grin

BubblyBarbara · 30/03/2020 21:03

Partner? You’re 19, it’s just a boyfriend at that age

dazzlinghaze · 30/03/2020 21:10

@BubblyBarbara Is there any need? This is a shit time for everyone, no need to make it worse by being snarky and patronising.

Op, you're not pathetic for breaking down. It's a really awful, uncertain time even without the added stress of being away from your partner. As a pp said, try and look forward to seeing him and maybe FaceTime and make some nice plans for when you're back together.

playthestation · 30/03/2020 21:23

Partner? You’re 19, it’s just a boyfriend at that age

Eh? Lots of 19 year olds have partners. Some are even married. And children too.

Grobagsforever · 30/03/2020 21:33

Well you're an adult so you can choose to go and lock down with your boyfriend if you wish. Would that make you happier?

PumpkinP · 30/03/2020 21:38

It’s only been a week Confused

Bluewater1 · 30/03/2020 21:42

I'm finding it better than expected. Thought I'd really miss them but have surprised myself and found that I'm not too bothered.....think I am too busy with work and kids. Maybe I should be bothered....??

APageInTime · 30/03/2020 22:09

Eh? Lots of 19 year olds have partners. Some are even married. And children too.

Yep I was married with a child at that age. My second child is now 19 though and I'd consider him still a kid (as I was then) so if he had a partner while living at home and her at hers I'd probably call them boyfriend/girlfriend I guess that's what the poster meant. Living independently or together might be different, they're still a partner at the end of the day but it's just how I'd refer to it in that situation.

playthestation · 30/03/2020 22:24

I guess that's what the poster meant.

The poster meant to be rude and stick the boot in and nothing more.

SomewhereNow · 30/03/2020 22:54

Hi OP, I’m with you on this one - yes it’s only been a week but not knowing when we’ll be allowed to see our other halves again does make it very hard.

I’m much older than you but am isolating with my daughter who’s closer to your age and also missing her bf so at least we understand how each other feels. I’m not sure anyone else does tbh unless they’re in this situation - I get that people are struggling in all different ways and I’m not going to play the competitive game but I think being separated from the person you’re closest to is particularly tough. It’s especially hurtful when people imply that if you were really committed you’d be living together - I feel like I’m being judged for putting my daughter first 🙄

We all know why we’re doing this though, it’s the rules and it’s the right thing to do, but there’s no denying it’s far from easy.

BubblyBarbara · 30/03/2020 23:49

if he had a partner while living at home and her at hers I'd probably call them boyfriend/girlfriend

Exactly. Partner is a very serious word that implies you’ve been through trials and tribulations and stuck the relationship out, this takes years imo

naturallydelicious · 30/03/2020 23:55

I'm 37 and met my husband 20 years ago . 19 year old me would of been heartbroken at the thought of being separated from him for so long . After nearly 3 weeks of isolation with him 37 year old me would gladly go a few weeks without seeing him 😆 . It's not forever OP - just think of the reunion x

FreedomBird · 30/03/2020 23:57

Oh will you all get off your high horses and answer her question. Who gives a fuck what she refers to her OH as. FFS.

OP. I can only imagine how hard it must be. Can’t offer much help but hang on in there. Think about how sweet it’ll be when you’re together again.

IHaveBrilloHair · 31/03/2020 00:00

Um, my daughter is 18, her bf is 20 next month, they've been together for 3 years and live together.
They don't refer to each other as partners, but that doesn't mean they don't have a serious relationship.

Sweatheart · 31/03/2020 00:21

It's been a week...

APageInTime · 31/03/2020 01:07

The poster meant to be rude and stick the boot in and nothing more.

Guess we all read things differently. Some people just search for reasons to be offended.

Nyke · 31/03/2020 01:33

I feel the same OP! I agree that it's not so much the fact that it's "only been a week", it is not knowing when you will be able to see them again. Regardless of whether they are your partner, bf, gf, husband, wife, whoever. You don't live with them and you miss them, please don't think too deep into any of these responses with their nasty undertones. We are allowed to be upset it's a very difficult time, as long as you are both safe and healthy just remember this won't last forever!

summerdays · 31/03/2020 01:42

In a similar situation, both over 30 and living separately in different towns, moving in together not possible. It's the uncertainty that is most difficult, noone knows how long this is going to last, but unlikely 3 weeks.
One week in, emotions are running high and I've no plan how to get through this, apart from taking one day at a time and being realistic we won't be back to 'normal' for some time.
It is hard, we all know why we do this, but it doesn't make it any easier.
Hang in there OP, you're not on your own Flowers

Mascotte · 31/03/2020 02:12

@anxiousanimal I feel the same as you although I am ancient! And I think you have hit the nail on the head, it’s the not being able to have a cuddle and snuggle up with someone that’s so hard.

I also think people have been mean about your age. I had a very serious relationship at that age and would have been gutted. Just because there are reasons for all this doesn’t mean it’s easy. In fact, the state of the world makes it even harder.

playthestation · 31/03/2020 09:33

Guess we all read things differently.

I suppose we do, but anyone that read

Partner? You’re 19, it’s just a boyfriend at that age

On a post where a 19yo is feeling a bit crappy already to be anything other than a nasty dig is lacking something.

Some people just search for reasons to be offended.

Nobody is offended here.

YetAnotherSpartacus · 31/03/2020 09:36

We Googled 'justifiable homicide' and then decided to isolate separately. But then, he travels for long periods for work so we are used to being apart.

Wheelyyyy · 31/03/2020 09:53

OP it is tough and its a periodd of adjustment for sure....i was married at 18 and he was in the navy. When he would go to sea....i really felt it. But i could go see friends and family and your limited so completely understand.

Get inventive.....make sure you facetime...have dates and think about different things you can do....make a list and research. Then share it with each other. Youtube has lots of ideas for couples who are seperated at this time. Check out pinterest too

ALSO...very importantly!!!
Both of you write date ideas down, places u want to go locally, further afield, further further afield. Dates ideas to have at home. Then cut up the list and fold each bit up...like a raffle ticket. Put them all in a pot....then when lockdown is finished....each week pull out a folded bit of paper and see what date your going on

Hope this helps, keep your chin up....oh and exercise :)

Wheelyyyy · 31/03/2020 09:53

I should say the last bit is for when isolation is over xx

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