What would you think/do?

[SleeplessInTheStaceym11House]

Ok cant be botherd to type all out again but had this thread yesterday, and now i get this email:

"Lucy now gone out of office apparently got to ring between 9.30-10am in the morning.

No fax yet, think we need to forget all this move stuff its winding me up.

Imp going to stay out tonight I got lots of things to think about please don't get upset and ill explain all when I come home tomorrow night.

I love you!!!!

Nick"

so hes saying we shouldnt move because hes being wound up, even tho it would really benefit our family. and hes staying out all night, leaving me not knowing why or whats going on and having to look after the kids all by myself??

what would you do, what can i do?

im sitting here bawling like a stupid school girl but cant work out whats going on!!!

Ohh you poor wee thing. He sounds very immature.

To be quite honest I would be tempted to change the locks on the door and leave his clothes in a suitcase with a note for him saying that all of this is winding you up, and that he has to stay somewhere else until you have had some time to think things through.

But I tend to be quite dramatic .

He does need to be shown that he can't just run off like that. Especially not when he is the one that has messed up by lying.

but i just want him here, have just phoned my mum to come round as dd (2.10) keeps saying sorry because im crying and i cant deal with it. thankfully ds is in bed atm but just dont think i can cope.

if he decides to leave i cant do this on my own. i just cant.

It does not sound as if he wants to leave you full time though.

He probably just needs some time to get over his guilty conscious. It is not easy getting caught like that.

Hope your mother will make you feel better.

{{{{{{big it will be okay hug}}}}}} (if you want one).

I read through his fax again, and it sounds like it is the house thing that is stressing him out.

It is not the best way to deal with things but he does say that he loves you and not to worry. To me it sounds like there might be more money problems that he has to tell you about!!?

i asked him if there was anything else money wise he needed to tell me about last night and he promised there wasnt. i really hope there isnt!

I know hes a bitstressed about the move as hes doing all the donkey work for it when it should all be sorted out by the company. but its the best thing for us so we've been dealing with it. i just cant believe this.

weve had a few rows before and hes not come home once, because he said he didnt know if he loved me anymore. i had to call my mum then too as i couldnt function. but when he came home he said he didnt mean it just wanted to hurt me!

i just dont know what to do!

he owes 11,500.................

wtf are we gunna do?

Has he just come clean to you about the money? Are you talking?

(((hug))) It's going to be okay. You will get through it. Jus t one thing at a timex

Go to the CAB, they will help you.

And IMO him being 22 is not an excuse. my DP too had his first child at 19 and never behaves this way.

Try not to take him staying out overnight personally-men are very odd about needing their space and time to think-they dont do it the same way as us.

Hope you are ok

You will be okay. It is just money, as long as you both love eachother you will sort this out together.

Trust me. I know it is very, very scary owing that much money, but it can be paid off.

We started out by owning a house, sold it, spent all the money (we moved abroad and then back home again) plus a lot more. We ended up owing £8,000. A year has passed and we now "only" owe £4,000- £5,000.

It has involved a lot of panicking from my side and sleepless nights.

What you should do. Is take one day at a time and decide together on what that plan involves (i.e. how much food money you are allowed to spend a month, phone money etc.).

I wish I could make the situation easier for you.

i still love him and we're still together, but i find myself doing things like asking him to leave his cards behind this morning.
feel like i dont trust him

well i dont trust him, but i want to. i shoud do. shouldnt i?

this is so f*cked up

Go to CAb and make sure it's all being paid off in the best way and you're not getting charged loads of interest etc

Who does he owe the money to?

halifax on a loan, barclaycard on a loan, barclay card credit card, welcome finanace, overdraft and littlewoods account.

is the cab open weekends, he has all his documents with him at work so it wont be much help me going!

I know it seems impossible at the moment, but to consolidate all the loans with a reputable company would probably be your best bet? Has he said what he has spent it on?
You will be able to work it out and move on, but you obviously have to talk about managing future finances.. Big hugs and good luck x

its een usd to ubsidise the fact he hasnt been earnig enough!

oh i dont kow anymore

This is not the end of the world, if you love him and want to work it out it can be done.

A lot of people are in debt these days including us, it's not good but has been necessary, we now owe in total 21k and we pay it off monthly, we're only 25 but have 2 children, 2 cars, i run my own business etc I think as our children get older and my business gets a good reputation and he gets pay rises etc we will be able to pay it all off before we are 35 and hopefully live within our means.

I would rather have 1 loan and it off monthly than have lots of different loans etc.

You could do something called snow balling where you pick 1 debt and pay min on everything except 1 bill and you work hard to pay the one that you have chosen then once its gone you move to the next one and so etc.

I think as he has run up these debts it should be up top him to take the paperwork to the CAB and get it sorted.

Could he get a 2nd job in order to pay it off? Wont be so likely to do it again if it affects him like that?

Did he agree to leave his credit cards with you?

My hubby was very reluctant about it, however he seems to have now adopted (after 13 years) my attitude of "if you don't have the money then you don't spend it".

So they can change for the better .

yeah he left the cards, didnt even think twice which is good i suppose!

I like the fact that he is being honest with you, and giving you his credit cards.

To me he is showing you that he loves you and that he wants to get this sorted out. Just make sure that he is not actually making it your problem alone. It has to be a shared problem. If you see what I mean .

maisemor, hes doing all the ringing of companies (except the cancelling of obsoletes that are in my name) etc himself, and having to deal with the wrath of my dad [scared emoticon] i think we'll get there slowly!

You are both dealing with this so well.

Good luck with sorting it all out, so you can get back to normal again.

doesnt feel like im dealingwith this well. i havnt been careful with money (my overdraft was at £2000) but i thought there was money coming....

its just all a bit horrible to be lied to!

but you have not been careful because you did not know what kind of debt you were actually in. There is a difference. He knew how much you owed you did not.

How are you doing today. Have you (you and hubby) decided on what you are going to do?

well we're waiting to hear from one loan compan about how much the payoff would be. then we need to go to my dad and discuss and CAB and discuss etc etc.

but bloody company will only send the details through post, so till we recieve we have no idea!

i am looking for extra jobs and hes now worrking every weekend for £200 a day, so about £800 extra a month from him!

£100 a day that should have said!