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Conflicting feelings about another person... help needed!

9 replies

sanb · 09/09/2002 10:02

This is the first time I am posting on mumsnet and am hoping that somebody will be able to offer some advice on my situation. Here goes:

I am happily married and have one son aged 19 months. Things between my husband and I have been very good since I fell pregnant (before that we did have some major issues). Anyway I have recently "noticed" this man at work and there is a very obvious attraction between the two of us. Anyway the upshot of the situation is, is that after too many drinks at a recent work function we confessed this attraction to one another (nothing else happened). I now feel really uncomfortable and I am sure that he does too (he is also married with young children). I am not sure how to approach the situation - we work pretty much side by side so something has to be done.... any advice/words of wisdom would be greatly appreciated.

OP posts:

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sister · 09/09/2002 10:30

sanb, if I were you I wouldn't do anything. If you do approach him then you are turning the situation in to an issue.
You complimented each other, so what?
I would do my best not to treat it as a big deal. Time will smooth things over. Carry on acting as work colleagues, nothing else.

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Experienced · 09/09/2002 11:03

Don't do anything. If you do, you will regret it at some point. If you do and you end up staying with your dh, you will feel guilt for a long time.

If you are not sure how you feel about your dh, then that is another issue to address. Do not use your feelings for this colleague as a way to test your feelings for your dh.

Having this chat was not wrong, after all, it is OK to window shop, as long as you don't buy the goods. If you still love your dh, go no further. Remember, any action you take will affect your ds, and this man's children for the rest of their lives.

Re the work situation, flirting is fun, as it boosts self esteem, and reminds you that other people see you as a woman rather than a wife and mother. BUT, if you think that flirting with this man could be dangerous, take a step back, and just be friendly with him when you have to talk. After a few days, things will hopefully go back to normal. Try to be professional in the office, otherwise other people will notice your mutual attraction. Remember, you are there to work!!!

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bayleaf · 09/09/2002 12:17

If you feel you've 'left the door open' to more flirtation after your chat I'd be inclined to write him a short note saying that whilst it was flattering to find out that the admiration was mutual that you have absolutely no intention of doing anything about it - and that you hope your professional relationship will not be affected by this episode. AS the others have said, you have far, far too much to lose to even think of taking up this attraction.

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Copper · 09/09/2002 12:23

I agree with Bayleaf - except maybe not in writing - would you want it found?

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WideWebWitch · 09/09/2002 12:37

Agree with everyone: don't do it!!! And if you do decide to even discuss it with him definitely don't do it in writing! Agree about window shopping being OK but don't buy the goods (or even try them on )

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Willow2 · 09/09/2002 12:49

Don't do it - even if you were single my advice would be not to xxxx on your doorstep!

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Marina · 09/09/2002 13:34

Also agree - work relationships if one or neither of you is free to follow your inclinations are bad news, for you, your families and also the other people in the office. It's fun to flirt and be noticed, take that boost to your self-esteem back home to what sounds like a good relationship and use it positively there, and enjoy!

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Viv · 09/09/2002 13:41

Please don't do it Sanb, try and forget him, be flattered of course as any of us would be. I would try and sort out your problems with your dh first and not cloud the issue with other complications. Take care.

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sanb · 09/09/2002 13:45

Thanks so much for your replies, basically your advice mirrored exactly what I was going to do.

We have exchanged a pleasant email just confirming that we both wish to continue working together on a professional basis and nothing else. It doesn't make things any less uncomfortable though. I assume that the situation will blow over in time.