Bf on drugs

[Linda00]

My parents bought me a business in a small town a couple years after I graduated from university. People there were very interested in me due to my young age for managing this business. One day one of my employee said he has a friend who needs a part time job. Then the story begins

He came to my business and did so well on every aspect and we worked together and he has taught me a lot since he was in a similar business before. He needs some cash right now because he bought an expensive car.

Gradually I knew that he used to be on many hard drugs and used to sell drugs when he was younger ( around 18,19 , very young age ). He said he quit cocaine and other hard drugs about one year ago but right now he is on 40 cigarettes per day.

The more I get to know him the more I fell in love with him. My mom has came to my work and saw him and told me she didn’t like him at all because he is way too smarter than me and his purpose is me , not just a part time job.

Then my parents went for vacation during Xmas and he came for his last day . I almost cried when he was about to leave. I asked him to drive me home and he agreed and then dinner and my home. So things begin. He’s very happy and proud for me because I went to a good university, I am good looking , my family have money and I am not any drugs or alcohol and his my second boyfriend. Though I know he’s way more smarter and mature than I am. I feel his like a big brother or even an uncle for me .He has stated to work since 15 while this is my first job.

Though he was in debt he insisted paying all the restaurant that are expensive for him ( not for me ) and he remembers my habits and interests. We were very good on all aspects besides the fact that my parents told me I might be on drugs too because of his influence.

He has told all of his family and friends about me. And for my part I took a train to visit him sometimes when he has to work in another city. And he was very happy.

I love him a lot but I fear a lot too. I’m 6 years older than him ( though I look young ) . I gradually know and meet his friends and families . They all take weeds , other drugs and alcohol. Though they are nice people .

Later on He told me he has an online group posting all the abusive/ violent videos and photos, I felt scared.

I love him a lot ( he is also a good cook) I haven’t been this relaxed and happy with other guys. He sings me songs, telling me interesting stories and jokes. But I am afraid one day I or my family would be influenced and have the drug problems.
Sorry English is not my first language, might not be too clear .

Ok so you're dating a guy who used to use drugs, whose family use drugs, and who your family doesnt like. And you want to keep seeing him. But you're worried about seeing him.

Is that the problem? Your post doesn't make clear what problem it is you want to solve.

I mean - he sounds like bad news and you sound vulnerable, naive and ready to be scammed. He sounds like a person who knows how to pick out a wealthy woman who is easy to take advantage of. But if you still want to keep seeing him despite that, then there isnt much anyone can tell you to change your mind...

How long have you known him?

Completely agree with everything @rvby said.

I’m confused

No. He doesn’t sound like a good idea. Online video group with abusive videos? No way. I think your parents have the right instincts and I don’t think they even know the bad stuff.

Abusive men often begin with live bombing. You sound very naive

No. Dump him. He is love bombing you. This is the nice version of him. Eventually you will see the real him. He will probably owns money and never return or, live in your apartment but yay no rent and verbally abuse you off you say no to his demands.
The abusive videos and images pass him showing you who he will become in the future.
His friends can be nice but they are plateaued using their lives right now for to drugs. So is he!

Online video group with abusive videos? No way.

I agree

this is all too clear.
it is the oldest story.
listen to your mother.
he is very bad news. you are infatuated, this is not real love. you look up to him, idealise and idolise him, he has manipulated you, i'm sorry.
be very careful. do not provoke him or he may be violent.
i think you should gradually distance yourself from him.
he has obviously targetted you for your money.
confide in your mother. tell her you have got into a muddle and dont know how to get out of it.
is the virus in your country yet ? if so, maybe use that as an excuse, you could have symptoms and have to go into strict isolation.
do you have some strong male relatives, you may need them.
please be very careful, this guy has marked you out for a reason.
he certainly does not love you. to him you are an amusing walking dollar sign, or like something rare and rich to eat. he will gobble you up. i would be very worried if i were your mother.

you sound such a nice person, can you really enjoy to be in the company of someone who makes and deals in violent videos, and what kind of abuse do they feature, not that any kind is ok. see how he has already influenced you to glide over that detail as if it is minor.
what else will you have to be making excuses for. he is a criminal, flee.

Step away. The sooner the better. He'll ruin you.
Your parents generosity will be wasted on him.

There’s no future here, well not a happy one, so it will be better to walk away now. ‘I luuuuurve him won’t protect you from all the crap that comes with dating someone like this.

He’s a loser... get rid before he screws up your life too.

He's in debt but bought an expensive car anyway. He's in debt but splashes out on expensive restaurants to impress you. He's in debt but only gets a part time temporary job. This guy lives way beyond his means, likes to show off and isn't prepared to work to get out of debt. He's entitled and thinks he's too good to work for the money he spends like water.

He's had a similar business before - what happened that business? If he's such a great businessman who can advise you why doesn't he still have a business?

He says he's had a problem with drugs before but still hangs out with people who still take drugs. Those who successfully quit drugs do NOT put themselves in tempations way.

He watches and shares abuse videos which indicates a severe lack of empathy. So much so he sought out an online group to share his violent fetish with.

By the sound of it, you're being incredibly naive and are being taken in by a financially desperate, entitled, lazy, empathy lacking charmer.

If you continue with this I'd say you'll likely come out the other end having lost everything. Your business, home, credit rating - gone. You may have a child or two or have been beaten up. Get rid of him now.

Get out,OP. He has targeted you for your money. Please get out.

What did you learn about relationships when you were growing up?. Was your own childhood very sheltered?.

He targeted you because of your business, he sees that and you as a walking cash machine. You mean nothing to this person and this individual will destroy you if you allow it.

Thank you all , yes I used the virus as an excuse to and I told him right now I have serious health problems and broke up with him. It has been two days I hope everything would be fine.

Do not let this person back into your life ever again. He may well try and worm his way back in; resist all approaches.

Learn from this experience. Love your own self for a change and I would also look into counselling. Relationships should not be at all like the one you apparently fell into.