Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Fallen out with family because of Coronavirus!

12 replies

WhizzingFizzbee · 28/03/2020 21:50

I have differing opinions to certain members of my family as my father at least is the most right wing, racist person I’ve ever known (he’ll be watching TV and complain about the amount of black people on it for instance) - I get called a Leftie if I challenge him. His dad was the same, my brother less extreme.

I’m currently taking early maternity leave because of the Coronavirus, baby due in a few weeks. Normally I’m a frontline NHS worker and my partner is too, he continues to work.

My relatives think this whole thing is blown out of proportion and no big deal. I got sent a propaganda link by my brother and got into an argument with him over it. I said people my partner knows have died from it so was that no big deal? and then regrettably said that I’d laugh if he and my dad got it, what I wanted to mean was that it’d be like pot kettle black and that dismissing it is insulting to those sick, dead or at risk but it came across much worse in the text but by then it was too late. He then said of course he knows it’s dangerous and the risks etc but still said it wasnt a big deal. Ended up after messaging back and forth him ringing me and calling him a c**t and not to talk to him anymore. He’s informed my dad who isn’t happy either.

On the one hand I know I said wrong and I did apologise and explain myself later but received no reply. On the other, me and my partner are fed up of having to listen to their opinionated rubbish at every gathering and don’t want our baby exposed to it - my parents wouldn’t be outwardly racist to people but the comments happen every time we meet. They’re point blank refusing to eat from any Chinese/Indian places from now on because ‘they’re all filthy’ when I said no they weren’t I got shot down. I feel like they think they’re always right and anyone with a different opinion is wrong.

I was thinking of just leaving it to cool down and see if they contact me. I love my parents I just don’t like some of their attitudes! What do you think?

OP posts:
AgentJohnson · 29/03/2020 05:31

This is who they are and who they will probably always will be, which means the balls in your court and not theirs.

If you want to continue seeing them then this is the price you have to pay but good luck explaining away your family bigotry to your child.

TKAAHUARTG · 29/03/2020 05:35

Just back off, surely it’s a little easier right now to do that. Maybe it will set new boundaries for the future.

cornishdreams1 · 29/03/2020 05:45

It was pretty much both of you. You seem to have lots of sweeping opinions too.

You have apologised, I would leave it now, and try not to get drawn into anymore arguments. I am very different from my parents, it is evolution. I had better education, life experience and opportunities that expanded my mind and horizons, I am sorry they didn't and don't blame them for it.

cornishdreams1 · 29/03/2020 05:48

Can I just say you are not better than them because you work for the NHS and have different political views. You are coming across as oddly superior, as if somehow your views are better than theirs, and probably not for the first time.

Some people downplay things when they are frightened or can't change the situation, show some empathy.

FecktheBoss · 29/03/2020 05:48

Whilst I agree with you in that, their attitudes are wrong, think of it this way - they are less likely to follow social distancing if they believe it's all hyped up so more likely to catch it and might have possibly have passed away in a month or so time.

Right now, more than ever before - life is too short and precious, make whatever choice you can live with because lots of us wont have an opportunity for a second chance.

Sorry if that sounds blunt but its reality right now.

Stronger76 · 29/03/2020 08:25

And when the doctors are choosing who to ventilate they will be picking the younger and healthier members of our society. Unfortunately racism and bigotry doesn't come tattooed on the forehead.

Dozer · 29/03/2020 08:28

YANBU to not want to spend time with racists/ bigots. You have always had, and still have, the option to have low contact.

YWBVU to say what you said about them getting sick: very nasty.

AnneJeanne · 29/03/2020 08:31

You have nothing to feel bad about. It’s right to call out racism and what sort of brother calls his sister a c**t? Try to go LC for your sake and the sake of your baby.

Theworldisfullofgs · 29/03/2020 08:36

Can I just say you are not better than them because you work for the NHS and have different political views

If you are not racist, then yes you are.

You have to decide if you want them in your life. The price you will pay is listening to their shit and not being able to challenge them on it.

WhizzingFizzbee · 29/03/2020 08:42

Thanks for the replies. I only mentioned working for NHS because it’s had a direct impact on our work which they’re not exposed to and they were were surprised to hear about the deaths at my Trust, I don’t use it as some kind of moral high ground at all.

OP posts:
Figgygal · 29/03/2020 08:50

I don’t think you sounded superior at all and if anything not being a racist bigot does make you better person than them

Also I get what you meant by saying what you did about them getting it in that they’ll understand it when it’s too late

StrictlyAFemaleFemale · 29/03/2020 08:57

I dont think you sound superior. We have relatives who are always sexist and racist. Since we've had dc we dont see them except at very large falily gatherings where I just dont go near them. Could you go low contact.

New posts on this thread. Refresh page
Swipe left for the next trending thread