Feel really paranoid about old friend should I do anything?

[twinklypinky]

This is long so please read if you have time. I didn't know where to put this either so hopefully relationships is ok. NC as well. Anyway,

I had a friend who had her dc a few days after me.
Just before the dc were born she kept ringing me saying she hopes she has her dc first. I asked her why and she just said oh it would be nice for me to have the oldest and you have the youngest. It made no sense but there were texts and calls saying this over and over so much that when I had mine first I kept it quiet.

After the dc were born she carried on constant comparisons. Mines bigger, taller, mines smarter, mines doing this that and the other first. I thought maybe she's insecure so I just ignored it and tbh laughed a bit about it at the time. As they grew up it got more annoying. I'd sign my dc up for a class and she'd sign hers up initially to the same class but then after a while it was for a bigger better place and tell me for example her dc is going to the best football class in U.K. for example after I'd signed mine up to the local club.
She'd come to my house and make the dc stand back to back and compare their heights saying her dc is taller etc. Her dc foot size is bigger?!

Eventually now years later I told her to stop comparing them they are two individual dc and not even related. It was spoiling the friendship. As time passed it got silly. If I mentioned anything about my dc doing anything she would be there.
But as time went on things also got more sinister.
I started to say I didn't want the dc doing all the same things together and time to branch out in different friendship groups as they started different schools (had I felt space to breath I wouldn't have done this)
She started trying to find out who my friends were and magically making friends with the same people I'd go to things with and turning up at events I would go to anyway and she knew I'd be at.

Finally I said to my friend enough is enough. I'm sorry but I think this friendship has died now and I tried really hard to keep it nice as I thought maybe there's something wrong mentally that she felt she had to keep competing with my dc and her dc. After a few more incidents of her accidentally being at the same events as me I came off of all social media.
Things got worse. She'd knock on my door begging me to explain why we weren't friends anymore. I just told her I am living a different life now and want some space away. She then got a job at my dc school! This was enough for me.
I didn't say anything as was thinking of moving anyway. We moved away.
After all of this, she's still stalking us. My dc recently won something big that meant their name was online. I never post anything online but in order to take part this had to happen as part of the organisations rules and they posted something about my dc on SM.
The organiser of the event is very difficult to find as they don't advertise and it's a fairly niche thing, they mentioned in passing that they had a new person interested in the event, my old friend and her dc. I said to the teacher please tell me you didn't say where I live or what school my dc goes to. Teacher wasn't very clear on what they did say and now I'm back to thinking I'll never get away. I'm quite sure she's planning to accidentally turn up at the same events through these events now.
Is there anything I can do to get away from all of this? It's making me feel quite worried for my dc as well.

What triggered me to think of this just now was a 'memory' came home on my phone and it was of the two dc. As I looked closer at the picture I realised my friend was in front of me taking a picture as well, I could see my friend wasn't taking a picture of the two dc only mine. We were in my living room and it would have been weird to take a picture of only my dc as the two were sitting next to each other posing for a photo so she had to literally cut her own dc out of the picture to take one of mine. It's making me feel very uncomfortable that this old 'friend' may be more weirdo than I wanted to believe.

Should I be concerned? Is there anything I can do? I don't know if I'm being paranoid but I've never felt weirded out so much about anyone else before.

I would be emailing the organiser of your DC club and insisting that you need to know exactly what information was disclosed to this woman as you need it for the police. Explain that you have moved house and DC school because of this woman's behaviour.

You really need to emphasis how serious this is in case she turns up some week and tries to approach your DC, you don't want her telling the club she is a friend and giving your DC a life home and then knowing where you live. I am not trying to frighten you OP but she sounds beyond manipulating and intrusive and you need to act clearly now.

Very chilling to read. I dont know what to say, but as PP have suggested get some help as she sounds crazy!

Yes I am deeply concerned and appreciate the story for that poor Japanese dc.
I don't know how far this could go in all honesty. I am scared.

I will contact the organiser tomorrow to see what I can find out.

I woke up this morning thinking I might even need to change our surname because I am very worried that even after scaring her off she'll come back to haunt my dc as they get older and might want to go into SM themselves.

A horrible position to be in for us. Thanks for the help. It's reassuring to finally find out what I can do about it.

I’ve got templates to change your name if you want them. It doesn’t cost anything and is easy to do. You don’t need to pay to change your name, just fill in the sheets and send them off to the relevant bodies.

I don’t have any advice at all but I really do sympathise with you! Must be so scary thinking she’s followed you and is lurking in the vicinity!

Have you changed your passwords to your emails and social media? I would think she would of tried to hack your email at the very least to see what you are up to and the fact she has followed you after you’ve moved suggests to me that she will stop at nothing.

The club need to tell you what information has been disclosed and I’d make it absolutely clear to the school, to any classes, to anywhere your child goes without you that this woman and her child does not come near them. I’d even hand them a picture of this woman!

The story of the Japanese child is so scary but it does show what some people are capable of!

thinking of you

I managed to speak to club today after emailing them. Old friend knows my town and the school. It's all quite upsetting.

I'll deal with the event gdpr later, friend had lied about a few things to get the information, tomorrow I am ringing the paladin to see where we go from here.

Oh wow! I had a next door neighbour who copied everything I did. Painted the hallway blue, she pointed it blue. Had our driveway over she did. Built an extension she did. I won't go on but you get the drift. That was bad enough!

I also have no advice but she sounds really unhinged. Contact the people the pp's have suggested and go from there.

It's definitely not normal!!!

I'm glad you're taking action. I found your OP really scary. I don't think you're overreacting. This woman sounds seriously deranged and you're right to be concerned.

I think changing your surname is a good idea, but it would have worked best before your DC name was published online. Now she knows the town and school it might be a bit too late, she'd be potentially able to put two and two together and identify your with the new name and it would be a wasted effort. Also you shouldn't spend your life hiding, so I would involve the police as soon as possible. Wishing you all the best.

I don’t know what your child’s school situation is right now, whether it’s open or not, but if you can I’d get in touch and make sure they’re on guard. They’re never meant to give out information but your ex friend sounds very manipulative.

Sorry you’re going through this, it must be scary.

I spoke to paladin today. They were amazing. I really felt relief after all of what's gone on.

Although I'm hating lockdown, it's actually reassuring to think this person is a lot less likely to be able to get to me now.
I'm going to make a timeline of all these events and see where I've changed my life around her actions.
Going to take some time. I will contact the school as well but they also won't be open much now either until the lockdown is finished I think.

I would be emailing the organiser of your DC club and insisting that you need to know exactly what information was disclosed to this woman as you need it for the police. Explain that you have moved house and DC school because of this woman's behaviour.

You really need to emphasis how serious this is in case she turns up some week and tries to approach your DC, you don't want her telling the club she is a friend and giving your DC a life home and then knowing where you live. I am not trying to frighten you OP but she sounds beyond manipulating and intrusive and you need to act clearly now.

This... every time

I'm glad Paladin have been helpful. Hope they can support you.

@category12 thank you for suggesting them they were so helpful

Did you get in touch with that organiser

Yes and told them I'm reporting everything and explained what's going on. I have felt too silly to tell anyone tbh.
I wish I had spoken out more now.

What did they share about you

I'd ask for a written statement so that you can use it as evidence

Wow. She sounds really unhinged.

I think its important that they are totally transparent about what they have shared. Please ask them to put this is writing so you have a copy

fighting back will give you strength and confidence OP.. well done

I have just come across this thread again, has anything gotten any better for you OP? I hope by reporting everything & especially with lockdown, this woman has backed off!!!

Sorry you have been doing through this. Each incident as an isolated incident seems innocent enough, but put together is extremely worrying. This is her power I suppose, the club leaders, teachers etc are only seeing a snap shot. Going forward don't be embarrassed about telling absolutely anyone who is in a position of trust with your child. In fact make sure you tell your friends to.

Christ, I got chills reading this. The club should NEVER have told her what school your DC goes to and you should lodge a complaint so it's on record and tell them you've approached the Paladin because this is a serious matter and you are concerned for yours and your child's safety.

Out of interest, are both DC the same gender? I'm wondering if you had a girl and she had a boy and she was jealous because she wanted a girl, or vice versa?

This is truly absolutely terrifying I’d be straight to the police, I’d also be contacting the safeguard lead at DC school and explaining all with the police reference numbers because she works there.

How did it all go? Hope you’re all ok

@twinklypinky

I will look into it I am worried I don't have enough 'proof' of her stalking me. Hopefully I can get some advice.

I want her to stay away from me.

Organiser said old friend pretended we were still currently friends and told them how well we knew each other. Again, all quite concerning for me. I've blocked her on everything a while back so there's no pretending we are still friends.

When I pressed for details on what she'd said the organiser clammed up completely and especially when I said I hope you didn't tell her where I live.
Unfortunately I believe the organiser of the event has told her where I live but I have no proof. I will remind them of the GDPR and even asked about the GDPR before the event due to all of this but not much will change the situation now.

If you have tried discuss this with the organiser and they vlammed up that can be construed as refusing to give details. You can now contact the ICO yourself because your concerns weren't discussed adequately. It does sound like there's a data breach and once the it or involved the organizers will have to be truthful about what's being said. There is a chat function on the ICO website and I found this extremely useful before so perhaps try their first. They may suggest you have to go and put a complaint in writing before the ICO will take on the case but if this happens it shows the organisation how serious you are about not having your details diagnosed. They should not have given any details whatsoever including the fact that your child is a regular participants at the event or where they may be in future events, as in location etc. Good luck it sounds like an absolutely awful situation for you to be in