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Relationships

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Original poster

A question for dads of split families

45 replies

Todayisanewday75 · 27/03/2020 17:09

Would you refuse to see you child for the foreseeable future because of Coronavirus if neither household had any symptoms and all adults working from home?

OP posts:

raspberryk · 27/03/2020 21:55

Mine is conveniently "self isolating" after "a bit of a temperature" in his house for one evening 2 weekends ago and happy to not see his kids for the second weekend in a row. He's probably hoping by next weekend all travel will be banned.

25MinutesSinceLastTime · 28/03/2020 00:46

My ex husband is also 'self isolating' for the foreseeable and has taken the lockdown to mean that he won't be honouring contact with his 14 year old daughter.

Of course, he's devastated by it and is crying every day because he misses her so much... 🙄

No symptoms in either house and both households are self isolating - so no contact with anyone else.

namechangenumber2 · 28/03/2020 01:56

My DS's Dad turned up tonight even though I'd said I didn't want contact to happen, took him and will ( hopefully!) bring him back Sunday.

I'm not impressed, it's a 1.5 hr journey, he's mixing 3 households ( picked up children from 2 homes), DS is asthmatic, as am I. I've been calmly looking after us all all week, going out when absolutely necessary and social distancing. I don't know what the other children have been doing ( Mum is a keyworker so still working) and I know Ex is still working and can't social distance as it involves driving people around?! Oh great.

So now I'm up, worrying, annoyed with ex for doing this. Annoyed that he hasn't seen DS for 7 weeks ( his choice - he cancelled!) but of course is desperate to see him this weekend. Feeling rotten that I'm being selfish ( not a usual trait of mine!) and now worrying about what we've got ahead of us if DS brings the virus home with him.

It's going to be a long weekend.

user1481840227 · 28/03/2020 02:23

I'm a mother and my kids live with me.
If I was the father then I absolutely still would want to stick to access. At the very least then I would speak to them from the car or outside while staying the correct distance away from them
.
There's absolutely no way that I would go without seeing them for the duration of this. If the worst came to the worst and any of these dads get seriously ill and end up dying then they will never get to see their kids again or say goodbye.

MrsTerryPratchett · 28/03/2020 02:54

I think a lot of people are using the virus as an excuse for a lot of things!

So much this. So many people using the virus to do what they want with what they perceive to be a good excuse.

All the decent dads I know are being as careful as possible and still seeing their children.

Original poster

Todayisanewday75 · 28/03/2020 06:26

I guess he is just being an arse then. No change there then!

OP posts:

Peanutbuttermouth · 28/03/2020 06:38

Mine is, oddly, the other way round. Has barely any contact in normal times (maybe 4 hours a month) now all of a sudden wants to see dc daily. I guess he's lonely because he can't see anyone else?!

OhamIreally · 28/03/2020 07:25

@Peanutbuttermouth my ex is the same - is phoning every day now. I suspect it's because the pubs are shut...

PaterPower · 28/03/2020 07:49

I’ve got my kids this weekend. I was devastated when it first looked like the Govt wouldn’t allow it, as were my DC.

I’m fortunate to be wfh and being very careful with isolation etc. I’d have had to weigh up the risks more carefully if I was FL NHS or being forced to go into an office or building site every day.

Some dads are using Covid as an excuse not to see their kids. Some mums are using it as an excuse to stop contact. Some parents, on both sides, are genuinely concerned about infections. So people are being people, like always.

WaterOffADucksCrack · 28/03/2020 10:55

My ex said he was stopping even before the lockdown. Dss's mum tried to do the same but we persuaded her to see him once a month if nothing else as he's only little and he'd be upset.

LeaveTheBottle · 28/03/2020 15:16

I think the government should have been much clearer about this and not just, it's absolutely fine for DC to go between households, as long as they're not displaying any symptoms. It's not that simple. It's dangerous advice imo.

For example, my DD has asthma (although controlled) and my ex is still going out working and very much doubt taking much notice of the social distancing advice, as he thinks this is all blown up out of proportion

I can't risk it. I've seen my DD struggling to breathe in hospital too many times, after several nebulisers.

Luckily my ex isn't really fighting me on it. I do feel bad, but until I know he's completely locked himself down, I won't be letting her go.

Heartburn888 · 28/03/2020 22:46

I personally wouldn’t. There are other forms of contact and this CV situation is temporary albeit no timeframe. I’d allow the parent to come to the house and talk over the fence at a 2m distance if the parent was finding it particularly hard to not see them and was missing them loads

Boxerman · 28/03/2020 23:00

Guy here, 50/50 custody and arranged to wfh, although schooling kids and working is a challenge!! My dilemma is that my ex is front line NHS, in a perfect world my kids would stay with me to avoid contact with CV but she (like me) lives for the kids and not being able to see them would break her emotionally . Don’t know what to do for the best quite frankly

Original poster

Todayisanewday75 · 29/03/2020 08:05

I can understand in certain situations it is a difficult decision.

OP posts:

PyongyangKipperbang · 30/03/2020 21:45

My BF wont be seeing his kids til June it looks like. Before this all kicked off his ex took them to visit her family abroad (this was previously agreed) and that country went into lock down, and now we are too. Due to the family home location they are actually at less risk there than here, and he accepts that but is missing them desperately. He was FUMING when I showed him this thread at the deadbeats using it as an excuse to not see their kids when he would fly out to see his if he could, or pay as much as needed to fly them home.

Personally I think they should have stayed here as it was obvious it was coming, but I think they were both firmly of the "oh it's all an over reaction, it will blow over" until it wasnt.......

JaggySplinter · 30/03/2020 22:37

It's hard, because I bet my ex thinks I'm using the virus as an excuse. But I'm v high risk, and he was out and about until last week. Had the DC last weekend as an extra in case of lockdown and didn't properly do social distancing, took them to see friends in the park etc.

Do I've said not again until he's done 14 day isolation without any going out. Same here, we aren't able to go out at all. And after 14 days I'm hoping to go back to normal arrangements. If I weren't high risk I'd have stuck to normal arrangements.

What's bothering me is that he's not even scheduled any video calls or anything, and won't reply to my messages trying to arrange for him to see the DC an alternative way.

Original poster

Todayisanewday75 · 08/07/2020 07:19

Well he has stuck to his word and hasn’t seen DS since a week before lockdown, just the occasional text. I can tell DS is really upset but he won’t talk about it. I am livid on his behalf. ExH keeps talking about having him for a few weeks but nothing actually happens, I suspect he’ll wait for DS’ birthday and put on a wonderful father show.

OP posts:

DutchTulip19 · 08/07/2020 07:54

@Todayisanewday75

Would you refuse to see you child for the foreseeable future because of Coronavirus if neither household had any symptoms and all adults working from home?

Dad here.

The only covid scenario where I temporarily wouldn't see my kids is if I had clear symptoms and was isolating, or if they were staying at their Mum's when she or they developed clear symptoms.

Outside of that, no force on this planet would stop me having them for 50% of the time. They are my children, I love them, I should be there for them, I want to be there for them and I need to be there for them.

BurtsBeesKnees · 08/07/2020 07:55

My dd has seen her df every week during this pandemic

Original poster

Todayisanewday75 · 08/07/2020 08:17

He seems to think he’s doing it for the greater good. No one in either household has had any symptoms or are at risk. All DS really wants is to get back to normal patterns.

OP posts:

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