Feeling alone

[artisanmarsbar]

Thought we were living together and co-parenting as friends at least. But we knew we had problems and would probably split but he never wanted to talk about it. But we had busy lives and also time to ourselves.
Now lockdown. He barely spoke to me last week. Just assumed I'd do all day childcare when we were both in self-isolation. I work p/t, he works f/t. But no communication as to how are we going to sort this? No checking in? I really craved some converstation. And he just withdraws into himself whenever stressed and it seems to be getting worse as he gets older.
I'd rather be on my own in lockdown than this. Then a few people may check in on me. Everyone just assumes I've got company.
There really is nothing more lonely than being in a lonely relationship is there?
Any advise as the lockdown could go on for ages and emotionally it's getting to me. I'm ready to split and get on with my life. But instead I live with his passive anger and withdrawing. Before lockdown I felt emotionally pretty good, now I feel needy and lonely.

Get your emotional support elsewhere - don't wait for people to check in on you - you check in on them first. Use the time to reconnect with people you haven't been in touch with for a while, as well as those you see regularly.

You feel more alone because you are expecting still expectingn companionship from him. Give up on this. You'll feel better once you accept it. And get on with building a separate life - even if it is remotely at a time like this.

Yes, of course, I am checking in on people, calling them up, whatsapping etc But it's generally me contacting them. It's hard for others to see me as vulnerable during the best of times. I'm probably more vulnerable now than I would be single. But he's seen as this amazing guy in the outside world and he has a job everyone's interested in so they assume he is therefore interesting to be with. Additionally, my wage has been hit by this and his hasn't.
Yes, I think I was expecting basic human communication(kindness?) from him last week. Now this week, not really. But it's hard as he is the only adult I have human contact with.
But yes, I will try.

Sorry you're in this situation. Do your friends know things have deteriorated between you? I'd confide in someone if you haven't.

You do yourself no favours by hoping he will be someone different, this is who he is.

Use the time now to focus on extricating yourself from this relationship once Corona is over.

A few weeks before I left my husband (which had been planned for months) we went on holiday and it was exactly as you described. I have never been so lonely, it crippled me. Although there were DA/DV issues it was this loneliness that really cemented my decision to leave - I felt like even if he could get help to change, this loneliness could never be fixed. It was truly awful. I thank my lucky stars every day that I left before isolation and I have huge sympathy for anyone stuck in this kind of situation. Stay strong

Thanks @category12 Much appreiciated!!!!!!

And @Needtogetbackinthesack

Bit harsh @AgentJohnson - I'm always open to seeing how someone is in a crisis that you haven't seen them in before. And to be honest a world pandemic was a new one.

And friends wise, like I said people have an issue with me discussing my relationship, as my partner is well loved. And people get pretty harsh, like 2 of the posters here. It is hard if you're with someone is universally well liked (if not flirted with), we're seen as a cosy couple and no one wants to hear any different. So, do I get support? Not really no. One fried got pretty upset when I said things were bad and started pointing out that he paid the mortgage and was a nice guy.

Yes, I can plan and think about stuff. But it is affecting my self-esteem, if my only adult contact is him(and he's ignoring me) then I start feeling rubbish about myself. And he won't discuss anything practical. He neither wants to be with me properly or wants to split up. Obviously I'm not discussing it currently with him, it isn't the right timing but I hate the fact that I was getting quite strong and now that's slipping just due to the circumstance.

Remember that these lockdown circumstances are just temporary and you will find that strength again, it’s just a really shit time to be in a shit relationship unforch. You’re doing the right thing already by talking to friends and coming on here for support, it’s not easy. Keep going, if your friends don’t get it, maybe try reaching out again but from a different angle, rather than asking advice just tell them with a different approach. For the time being, if he’s ignoring you then accept it and don’t expect him to change any time soon. Carry on as if it were just you and the kids, if he doesn’t have any input then it’s not really his business. Get through this shit show of a situation and it’ll all be a bit easier to sort out after. Stay strong, you know you’re strong just keep reminding yourself.

But he's seen as this amazing guy in the outside world and he has a job everyone's interested in so they assume he is therefore interesting to be with.

Don't bet on it. When I divorced exH who I am willing to bet has a more interesting job than yours, many people told me they knew he was selfish, a bit of a git and boring. 'Good friend, terrible husband' as one mate put it.

Reach out, please.