Is someone monitoring this site properly

[Eardropper]

Reading through threads from time to time there is an awful lot of utter tosh on here! This is, for some, a place where people seek advice? Seems to be full of people who hit the ‘leave him/her’ button not knowing anything about the lives of the posters at all. Not one person has suggested anything else.
‘Working on it’ always seems to be frowned upon - why is this? Seems to me that the people giving ‘good advice’ are bitter from their own failings, get over whatever it was before you start ‘giving advice’ out. Good luck to you, but please don’t give others poor advice. Your not their friends and you seem to thrive on the entertainment of divorce or stories of abuse. This section should be removed to stop such bad advice being given and believed by what are clearly vulnerable people. Shame on you mumsnet for allowing this.

But of course the other person involved would see it differently. Christ, the CF neighbours from aibu threads would have a different take on their behaviour.

It would be a very dry and unhelpful board if we all just said "well we don't know his side, so I can't say anything".

There's a certain amount of putting trust in the OP's version of events on our parts. And in return, as adults, we should take what we need from the advice and ignore the rest. No, it won't all be helpful or right or nice even, but that's what happens when you choose to ask a panel of strangers their opinions.

I posted on MN back in 2012 about my relationship with my then DH. I had never really sought advice from anyone before - I’m an obstinate fucker - and the chorus of LTB really took me by surprise. That particular advice was OTT at the time but the reasoning behind it was sound, as was the questioning of my behaviour and decisions. I credit that thread with starting the process of extricating myself from a relationship that was at its sell-by date.

That said, I am a resilient woman with excellent MH, resources and backup. I do think the wording of some posts I have seen are thoughtless and unkind when the OP may be in a very vulnerable place of despair.

I do think the wording of some posts I have seen are thoughtless and unkind

I think tone is largely in the eye of the beholder, tho. Some people's "blunt and forthright" might seem too much, or mean, to some of us - but we all respond differently to things. Personally I deal better with fairly robust practical advice than sympathy - sympathy is more likely to crumble me .

I agree tone is a variable thing. I just think it’s worth posters gauging the tone of the OP when they post. Some OPs definitely ‘sound’ more vulnerable than others.

Yes. But again, what's obvious to you might not be to someone else?

Some people do just barrel in, some don't pick up on things, and some just have a different perception of what's been said. (And some don't give a shit). It's never going to hit the right spot for everyone everytime. There are people of bad faith, and people who are clumsy but well-intentioned, and people who are "robust" but it's misplaced for the op.

I think this has been a positive thread as it's aired many points of view for us all to consider if we want to.

Ah I totally agree category12. There are very few posters who I believe are in bad faith, and the variety of perspectives and approaches on MN are both eye-opening and invaluable.

no I don't, not at all. I do think that before advising ANY major life changing move, one needs to hear both sides of the story and not jump to conclusions after hearing only one side.

I disagree. If the poster gives their side on how they view a situation the other side of the story won't help.

If someone posted:
"my husband told me to shut up bitch and shoved me"

Then he said
"I told her to shut up then nudged past her as she was up in my face annoying me"

Neither is right or wrong but if the original poster perceived it as aggressive then it's not a good environment for them to stay in.

No one is going to hear the other side and say actually no you should stay he did nothing wrong. They're going to say you aren't right for each other regardless who is in the wrong.

So the other side of the story isn't really relevant if the original poster perceived the story the way they tell it. This isn't a councilling site to talk both parties through things that ail them. It's advice to be taken or left based on the info given. Sometimes it's an outlet without the other party giving their side which also could be embellished.