How to cope when your dp has depression!

[linniewith2]

Just to fill you in on the background detials...I have been with my current partner for 4 yrs and I knew almost from the begining that he suffered from depression in varing degrees..........sometimes he appears fine and others he breaks down in tears.....he also drinks far too much any where from 6 cans to 12 cans of lager per night (he says it makes him feel better!!!!!) he is currently on medication for depression and anxiety and hates his job! where he is getting lots of stress at the moment its a management position.
Anyway he came home tonight and I made a comment just something stupid about not swapping pc monitors and he flipped it.......started throwing stuff about and shouting, normaly I remain calm in these instances but on this occasion I shouted back telling him to not speak to me like s**t as I have always been there and suported him through every thing he has done...i.e walking out of a well paid job because he has an argument with his boss. This was soon after i returned to work from matternity leave with dd1.......leaving me to support us both.....I found him a job at my place of work soon after.
Anyway he has just packed his stuff and gone and I didnt try to stop him! I know I probably should of! but he has always threatened to go in the past but never done it! and I expect him back later when he's calmed down....but I am just so sick of taking the brunt of his anger and aggresion (nothing violent) he just takes out all of his frustration on me as I am the only person who will listen, plus no one in his family are aware of his illness. I dont know what I expect to get out of this thread maybee just some words of support but thanks for listening x

linniewith2 - sorry your suffering like this. Can you not make his family aware of his probs? You can't be expected to deal with it on your own and certainly not with a young child around. Please consider talking to his family and making an appointment for him with your gp

forgot to mentiom have 2 dd's 2yrs and 12wks....was at the drs only last week just ups medication !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

medication for you or dh? Congrats on baby too

sorry he's already on medication

it may also be worth posting this thread on the feeling low section

Linnie, my xp was also a self-medicator with alcohol. The problem with it as a cure, is that of course it is a depressent, and also addictive. So not the best medicine!

You did the right thing not stopping him going. And I think you need to get him to see a doctor and get referred for counselling. Easier said than done, but if you actually tell him that he can't come back until he makes a doctor's appointment, he will probably make that doctor's appointment that he needs.

linniewith2 - sorry you are having so many problems. the level of alcohol consumption you have mentioned sounds very concerning; aside from any dependency issues, alcohol is a real downer, and drinking excessive alcohol will negate the effect of the ADs to a greater or lesser extent. i think you may find it useful to contact Al-Anon for advice re:DH's drinking/depression. is your dh honest with his GP about his drinking? first of all, i think it is unfair for you to be expected to paper over the cracks with his family. Second of all, could DH be signed off work with stress.

take care
x

He didnt go anywhere just sat in the garden !!!! but i made a point of leaving him and letting him calm down, he has been for counciling in the past but gave up after a few sessions.......the same with his medication he does it properly for a while then starts skipping pills, he's not realy supposed to drink while on them. He has just had 4 wks off work and yesterday was only his 2nd day back but a symptom of his anxiety is paranoia so he thinks they want tim out!
I dont know what else to try !!!

I know I am a bit behind here and hope no one minds if I pull this one back into the present.

Linnieof2, my dh has similar depression traits, the booze, temper, aggro etc... I know how hard it is to cope at times. It is like hitting a brick wall. {{{{Hugs}}}} I am still going thro it with him. What medication has dr put him on?
Will it help in the long run? How will he and you cope when it is time to come off it? Depression comes in all shapes and sizes and there are many things that people do to help themselves thro it. Drinking is not one of my advised remedies... I hate dh drinking.. starts at lunch time... goes thro to bed time.

Unfortunately hun, there is nothing that we can do except accept it, be there and support them - if that is what we choose to do. The last thing a person with depression needs to hear are things like - pull yourself together, stop doing this/that. It is like they are completely separated from the rest of us and they feel too far away from our world that they shut this sort of thing out.
I do know your agony. Have you tried Al anon for support for the drinking? It is an excuse... a necessary one in his world. It won't go away until he feels better.
You need support - are there any groups of Al anon nr you... have a look in a local paper or telephone book. call them and go.

You will find all sorts of ways of understanding your dps problems and your fears and feelings of helplessness will gradually diminish... you will find a way of coping with your own feelings you see?

I do feel for you... trapped and lonely. You are not alone and you are not trapped. sending hugs and hope for you.