Anyone else worried this lockdown will result in a divorce?

[JammyGem]

DD is just starting to learn to walk and is full of energy, you can't keep your eye off of her for a second without her getting up to mischief

We've been self isolating since Friday as DD came down with a cough and fever. I'm WFH and DH has been stood down, so he's not working at the moment.

DD loves her daddy, and will often scream and cry if he's around but not paying her attention. I find this really difficult as a mother, because no matter how lovely a day we've had, as soon as he walks through the door she just screams until she's in his arms. I know it's silly and irrational but at times it feels like she wouldn't be bothered of her mummy wasnt around. This has obviously been a lot worse since we've been stuck inside as all she wants is to be with him.

But he can't seem to go longer than half hour with her before doing something else - he'll suddenly decide to start some housework, or go for a smoke (which is a whole other thread entirely), or go for a 45 minute shit. During which time I'm left trying to comfort a screaming DD who wants her daddy. Of course I wouldn't have an issue with this if it wasnt so frequent, plus I'm supposed to be working and I'm worried about if my bosses pick up on my output and I have to explain I couldn't work because DH decided it was the perfect time to do a 2 hour deep clean of the bathroom...

I've tried talking to him about it but he just gets angry and says he has to get on with things. I've tried explaining that I understand, but we need to do those things in the evening when she's in bed, or let me do them on my days off, but he ignores me.

I'm not working today but all we've done all morning is bicker and I honestly can't see our marriage surviving the next 3 weeks. I just don't know what to do and can't wait until this is all over so DH can go back to work.

He's being ridiculous. If you're WFH and he's not working then he should be taking care of DD all day long without involving you! DH nearly always WFH and I have a 5 month old and don't involve him all day unless he's clearly on a break and then it's just a few minutes while I do something.

Not sure what you can do to spell this out to him but he should be able to understand as it's pretty obvious! Can you lock yourself in a room and just not come out? Maybe put earplugs in?!

Yes, I completely agree, why on earth are you doing the childcare? You're working.

Looking after your little one is currently his job so it's lucky she wants to be with him so much. If he can manage to do some jobs while he's taking care of her, great, but otherwise he'll figure out that it has to wait.

Lock yourself in one room of the house during working hours. Emerge for your lunch and tea breaks. Make it clear that you are "at work" for most of the day.

Mines the same OP. No time for the kids when in the house, he sits on his throne and expects them to behave like angels.

Your situation though. Small kids often get over attached to one parent, strangely it often seems to be the parent that isn't around as much. Your DD wants her daddy and it may be suffering separation anxiety because he is always off somewhere, never giving her full, consistent attention.

Lazy, shit excuse for a father

If you're working it's up to HIM to deal with childcare. Don't let him get away with this shit. If your boss let's you go because you're not being productive enough, then what?

Kick up the arse for him OP.

You're working. You need to set up a work station in one room and shut the door while you do your hours. He does childcare.

Yep, go to one room and shut the door! DH is WFH and initially he tried to work in the living room with us but soon realised with a toddler and 5mo he could get nothing done! He now goes up to the spare room and comes down for a half hour lunch break. Needs must!

Sorry but it’s not acceptable. You’re not available for childcare and he needs to manage as if you’re not in the house. That’s what women with husbands now WFH do. You need to be in a separate room where you can’t hear them. He needs to deal with her as if you’re not around. He can’t just get on with things and leave her for 45 minutes. A 45 minute shit is a luxury a SAHM with a kid that age can’t afford. Or you pop them in the bath and do it while you’re in the same room. He needs to step up to the plate. YANBU

I think my little one is probably around the same age as yours . He too loves his daddy and will stop at nothing trying to get his full attention whenever he can. He will ALWAYS choose daddy over me.

I won't lie it makes me feel rubbish. BUT when he is crying and calling out for his daddy I just end up snapping at husband to pick him up and play and comfort him to make him stop , because that is the easy answer and that is what baby wants. FYI My husband is a wonderful daddy , provider, full time worker etc... he works long hours and comes home tired When daddy is not around he is perfectly happy with me , he plays, naps, eats absolutely fine. As soon as daddy is home it's another story. I have no answer as to why he isn't a mummies boy 😂 I thought all little boys loved their mummies more ...

Anyway, I know I bicker and snap at husband to get the baby because it stops him crying immediately. I do the exact same thing, unfortunately I have no solution other than to be kind to yourself. These next few months will be hard for us all. Ur baby loves his daddy ... daddy loves his chores (by the sounds of things) it's not a bad thing. Speak to him maybe set a rota so u can work undisturbed and he can spend full on 1-1 time with baby . Xx

You’re working. It should be as though you’re not there as you would be under normal circumstances.

Similar situation. Dh took voluntary redundancy a few weeks ago, before this kicked off and is now at home, with no expectation to work. I'm wfh and admit I do most of organising/ parenting and as a former teacher find it hard not helping dc. But I'm wfh 5 days a week so yesterday and today I went upstairs and left them to it. Both survived and school work got done.

You need to take yourself off and let him deal with it. Childcare is his 'job' now.

How much parenting has he done before? I think your frustration/anger is his lack of honesty about taking on responsibility for childcare, so instead is making up jobs.

What if you started the conversation with, how much childcare can you take on? He may at least start to be open with you. It could lead to solutions or way you can support each others. How many days do you work?

Could you both devise a rota for the week. I know he should take on responsibility but I wonder if it is just an adjustment period whilst everything settles into a routine.