Divorce-will I be able to keep my house?

[nancysgirl]

My H and I have finally decided to get divorced and it is all now in the hands of the solicitors but I was wondering if anyone who has been in a similar situation could give me any advice?
He has a pretty decent salary as a deputy head, I work 1 day a week as a teacher. We have 1 DD who is 3. We own our house jointly. The thing that is keeping me awake at night is how the hell am I going to be able to afford ANYTHING on my own? I have actually just upped my hours, but even then my salary will only be £18,000.Even with a lump some from the sale of this house, ther is nothing where I live below £120,000. And I really don't want to move in the 1st place-DD's nursery/infant school nearby, my Mum round the corner etc.etc. But then I will have to buy him out and where will that money come from? And would any mortgage company even let me take on such a sizeable loan on my own?
HAs anyone been through anything similar or know anything that might help?
Am really despaerate!!

Hi nancysgirl sorry to hear you are going thru a divorce, I know how stressful it is having just finalised mine earlier this year. The answer to your question really depends on how much money there is "in the pot" and what your salaries are etc. The no.1 priority will be to keep you and dd housed and Courts would not expect you to have to return to work f/t until dd at school. Obviously both of you will need somewhere to live and you will need at least two bedrooms. DH will have to pay 15% of net income to you for maintenance of dd (these are the CSA rules) and you will also be entitled to maintenance for yourself until you can support yourself. DON'T assume that you will have to give DH half of the equity, one option is that he continues to have a share in the property which will be sold once DD is 18. Could you pay the mortgage on your own once you go back to work f/t in a few years time? If the house is big enough you could consider taking a lodger in which helps a lot with the bills (this is what I have done).

Main thing is not to panic, but I know how hard this is. Your solicitor should be advising you on all this - in particular she can let you know the parameters of a reasonable settlement. It is best, if possible, to try and agree the details as much as possible betweeen yourselves otherwise you will rack up huge legal bills which will further eat into any available capital. The average divorce costs around £10K in the South East these days and that is without a court hearing!! You need to be tough with your DH and stick up for yourself and DD but reasonable as well. No point in asking for vast sums if these are not available. You are one of the lucky ones in that you have the potential to earn a good salary in the future and don't have to retrain like many women. Good luck and please post again if you want to discuss further.

There are a lot of misconceptions regarding divorce and maintenance.

This is how mine worked - I have three children.

Everything that we owned, either jointly or seperatley was taken into consideration.

the house was valued at 130,000, we had 60,000 outstandig on a mortgage so the equity was 70,000

He had 10,000 savings

added onto that was the value of our pensions,

this gave a quite considerable lump sum, we went to court to decide what percentages we each got. As I had the children, I got the house equity and a percentage of his pension. This meant that I had to take over the mortgage to keep the house. I am on a much smaller salary than you but managed to get a mortgage for £75,000 ( i needed extra as the house was in a dreadful state of repair) as some building societys and banks (I am with the Halifax) take into account your maintenance and benefits that you are receving. you must apply for everythign that you can and do not accept a maintenance arrangement without it going thru the CSA as you will need the official documentation in order to get this income included in a mortgage.

If you could agree the percentage split between you, there would be no need to go to court. We couldn't and so ended up in court. My solicitor also advised me that uinder no circumstances should I apply for my absolute until the finances are sorted as you could be doing yourself out of his works pension/lump sum if he dies.

If you need to know anything more either post again or feel free to CAT me!

Thanks Neena and Lilibet. That gives me some hope at least. I am so desperate for us to stay here as houses are like gold dust where we live and I really want DD to go to the local school. She is a "reluctant talker" and at least at this school she will know plenty of the other kids. The thought of her going to a school where she knows no-one fills me with horror. I think H knows this too but is dead keen to have the cash from the house to start again. He even suggested my mum could lend me the money to buy him out. I was livid-her money is there to support her for however many years she has left (she's only 70) and it is our responsibility to come up with a solution that suits us both. I can't owe her and a mortgage. He always was a selfish s*d though!
I think I could afford the mortgage when I can work full time again-could that be taken in to consideration?
Thanks again both.

As Neena said, you will be entitled to 15% of his salary per year thru CSA, if he is on 30,000pa (and its probably more than that) that is 4,500

and have a look here to see what tax credits you are entitled to.

Not sure how much at the moment you can get for a mortgage, is it three times your income? And remember if there is any equity in your house, you can get that as part of the settlement.

Hi Nancysgirl, I'd just like to echo lilibet and say whatever you do, don't even think about an absolute until you have a financial settlement. I'd also advise seeing an independant financial advisor (free - lots of estate agents can point you in the direction of one) and looking into an interest only mortgage. The disadvantage of the latter is that you end up with a lump sum to come up with at the end of the mortgage term, but it's one way of keeping a roof over your head.
The courts will put your daughter's wellbeing first, so hopefully that means you won't have to move. The answers to nearly all my divorce questions were found here
Hugs!