Is my husband being too controlling?

[L003]

We’re expecting our first child. Found out it’s a little girl. And i am so excited, so is he. I was looking at clothes for our baby girl online and chose a few blue, green, pink and red outfits. I’m not big on the whole dress girls in a lot of pink because they are ‘little princesses’ mentality. My husband is strongly against dressing her in any blue, stating that it is conforming to gender stereotypes, but he wants her to dress in pink and gender geared colours

I feel so annoyed about it. I still ordered blue outfits but made sure they have flowers and tea cup prints cause thats what girls are into i guess

Is this controlling behaviour or i’m I just hormonal?

Of course blue on a girl isn't conforming to gender stereotypes- it's him that wants her too.

It is controlling and not a good sign, because he's saying his opinion is more important than yours- he's not treating you as an equal.

So she won’t be allowed to play sport, do higher education maths and science, have a train set, learn how to fix a car, have short hair, be allowed to wear trousers etc?

She has to wear pink and play with dolls and tea sets? Even if she doesn’t want to?

You need to have that chat with him, you need to find out how far this goes.

A relative of mine was the same with his girls and his boys. Girls thought they had to be mothers - were all mothers before 17. All the boys had to be MEN - two were in prison before 21. One is violent to his partner. All are misogynistic.

I know, I know, people will tell me I’m dramatic and it’s only an outfit. But honestly seeing it play out was awful and it started with the girl HAVING to have everything pink and lilac and the first boy not being allowed to wear his older sisters hand me downs because they weren’t blue. The boys were awful in school, the girls weren’t allowed to do the subjects they wanted, the boys weren’t allowed to play with dolls, the girls weren’t allowed to watch action films with the boys and were sent off to play...

No not good at all OP.

I doubt is the only example you have of this.

Is he generally domineering?

Abuse often starts during a woman's pregnancy.

Be aware.

Protect yourself.

Do not become financially dependent on someone who is domineering.

Wishing you well

Have there been red flags prior to this? X

No red flags at all ladies, his genuinely a really lovely sensitive guy. He doesn’t have any experience with girls, no sisters just brothers, no nieces either only nephews. I think he lacks experience when it comes to girls and believes girls are meant to dress in pink and smell like flowers.

Yeah i wouldnt stand for this, ive always hated pink even as a little girl and i think its because every other girl would wear pink.. or yellow, there was no other colours i started loving purple and blue and teal colours and i still do.

I dont think its wrong to want your little girl to be girly ... But not sure how a blue or red dress or leggings etc is a problem to be honest..

I dress my daughter in my sons clothes half the time, so what if her top has a digger on it or a dinosaur. She is allowed to like these things and i think it can also cause confusion when it comes to sexuality because they feel that they cannot be a man or woman without liking those things

So what does he think about women wearing jeans? They are blue.

I don't think it's controlling, it's just preference.

You don't have to have had sisters to know that girls don't need to wear pink. it's very strange that he thinks this. I'd be really worries about what else he felt was gender appropriate - does this extend to activities, interests and jobs?

It's the 'blue not allowed' that is controlling. What does he think will happen if a baby girl wears blue?

Don't stress about it for now. He may have a vision in his head of a beautiful pink girl because that's all he knows. Once she comes he won't be bothered what she's wearing. Pick your battles and when to have them. Let this go....just stick a couple of your preferred outfits in the cupboard....she can have both. (By the time my daughter could walk she was choosing her own clothes out the cupboards... A year of only ever wearing a Belle fancy dress, followed by only wearing leggings, followed by red everything, now pink everything....as long as she's warm enough and has decent school uniform it really doesn't matter.)

It sounds like a preference.

Sounds to me like he's just really excited about it all and has the image of a girly girl all dressed in pink in his head. Don't worry about these things! Enjoy your time together and your pregnancy. Tbh once baby is here, you'll be shoving on whatever you have left after everything has had milk spilled on it or been pood on regardless of colour!

Disney's Sleeping Beauty dress was constantly changed from pink to blue and back again by her fairy godmothers Can't get more girly than Aurora!

Seriously though, this massive contradiction My husband is strongly against dressing her in any blue, stating that it is conforming to gender stereotypes, but he wants her to dress in pink and gender geared colours would make me dress her in anything anyway.

Controlling would be him returning your purchases to the shop and not allowing her to be dressed in the clothes you've chosen.
So far he's given his opinion/preference. Has he gone out and bought clothes?

He's going to have so much fun when she's a teenager and only wants to wear black...

I wouldn't label this controlling. Narrow-minded certainly. I guess he could argue that you're being controlling if you refuse to buy any clothes he suggests and only buy what you think is appropriate?

He is free to buy whatever the hell he wants, i wont have a problem with it

Do you only wear pink and pastel?

Don't pander to his sexist bullshit, fgs. Buy your dd strong colours and trousers and train sets and toy cars and construction sets as well as dollies and unicorns.

My eldest sister was dressed in dresses and pink etc, and had a girly name, like May-Belle. She changed it as soon as she could and I've never seen her in a dress or make up and all her clothes are black of grey. She dressed her daughter in jeans etc, now my niece is grown up she's very into looks and fashion. You should just tell him he may push too far one way and get the opposite. It's best to just let your child be who she wants to be.

Not worth falling out over

Let him buy pink frills and you off set that with Denim dungarees ect.

He does know that if she wears blue, she wont spontaneously grow a penis, right? Seriously, he needs to have a word with himself. He's being ridiculous

Not worth falling out over

On the contrary, it is worth falling out over. Enforcing stereotypes puts a cage around expectations for girls (and boys) - and then they have to unpick all that mess in their adult lives for pursuing careers or equality in their home lives.

I don't think that's controlling as long as he allows all different clothes. Not just his preference.

I have a girl and bought her hardly anything pink because I didn't want to stereotype. Guess what colours she picks out herself now as she likes them?!