Why is he ignoring me?

[Claire926]

There was a guy that I liked on my course who is in his 40s. After getting to know him more recently, I have found he is quite anxious. Last week he messaged me as he said what is going on at the moment in the world had scared him. I replied and told him something personal, he read it and never responded to acknowledge it. I wish I had never told him now.

Since then he has posted twice in the group WhatsApp chat asking about a question on the course. Yesterday I replied to him with the answer. He ignored my message as he has not read it from the WhatsApp ticks and yet has been WhatsApp a few times but has had time for dating sites.

I feel sad that since last week he is ignoring me. I have done nothing wrong and have always supported him. Only a few weeks ago we went on a walk with a walking group and we were having a laugh. When this is all over I feel I should not really have any contact with him. I want a man who can provide support during a crisis. Anyone got any advice please? I feel upset that someone could behave like this.

Sorry but it sounds like he’s not into you

He sounds like someone who wants to have share his problems and have someone else soak them up like a sponge, take all the support and leave you dry. Lucky escape. You haven’t done anything wrong. He isn’t worth your time

It sounds like the personal thing you told him has either made him more anxious, or he couldnt cope with whatever it was. He possibly felt you were overstepping too.

Hes made it quite clear that hes no longer interested so theres not really a lot you can do.

I wouldnt have contact when this is all over anyway due to him ignoring you now, but with his anxiety he's maybe not the best person to provide support during a crisis.

You cant control how people act, only how you react, so onwards and upwards op

Why are you so worried? It sounds like he isn’t bothered about you

I'm wondering what you told him that might have put him off.
But basically, you are right, he cannot be relied upon to support you.
It's all one way.
Just ignore the twat.

He's the type that want support but have absolutely no interest in giving any.

Be glad you know.

Take care

You posted very similar things about this man last week, but you don't seem to have taken on board any of the sensible advice you were given. Reread the replies to your last thread. I think you're overinflating what seems like a new and very casual acquaintanceship from a course into something way more significant. You shouldn't be telling someone you barely know personal things when you'll be hurt if the response isn't the one you want -- and it's clear he isn't who you want him to be. Stop cyberstalking him!

I want a man who can provide support during a crisis.

See, that sounds quite mad to me in the circumstances. You don't know this man well, he's told you he suffers from anxiety, you said yourself you observed how socially anxious and awkward he was on your walk, now he's said himself he's really anxious about coronavirus, and he hasn't even checked to see if there is a reply to a course-related question. He sounds like he's barely coping with his own life -- why on earth would you expect 'support in a crisis' from him? Don't you have friends or family who can help?

You sound like quite an anxious person yourself. If you are someone who expects support from others, I think you're a poor match with this man, who is clearly signalling he is someone who simply isn't capable of that.

I'm sorry, OP, but you're being entirely unreasonable.

You hardly know him; we have all been thrown into a collective crisis where everything that doesn't matter enough pales into insignificance. His priorities, understandably, will lie elsewhere.

I understand you're looking for support in a crisis, but hanging on to even the barest sliver of attention is both impractical and doesn't really take the other person's own life into account. He is not there to comfort you, and it'll be better for you if you can find other ways of getting the comfort you want and need.

I want a man who can provide support during a crisis. Anyone got any advice please?

You barely KNOW this man !!!

As @CastleSalem says, youve posted about this situation before. The advice is the same as before, except now youre starting to sound like a stalker.
You deliberately sought out his walking group and happened to turn up to spend time with him. He didnt ask you to come.
Now youre expecting him to support you when he is clearly signalling he isnt looking for anything from you, except probably at this point for you to back of.
Back off. Leave him alone. Understand social signals, he doesnt want you to keep throwing yourself at him.

I think you're overinflating what seems like a new and very casual acquaintanceship from a course into something way more significant.

^ This with bells on.

OP are you aware that this is the 7th thread you’ve started about this man?

Having read your previous threads, it doesn’t seem like this man has said or done anything to indicate that he’s romantically interested in you or wants anything more than friendship, yet, you continually overanalyse every little thing he says / does & obsess about what kind of partner he’d make. In fact, whenever his actions show that he’s not interested in you, you almost dismiss it has being down to his social anxiety.

In the kindest possible way, you need to let this infatuation go & move on.

want a man who can provide support during a crisis

It's probably a big neon sign to him as well. He can't or won't or doesn't want to do that OP. Leave him alone. Stop telling him personal things.

I feel like blocking him. I can deal with the consequences of my actions when we finally go back to college. Any man who is interested would not have you doubting yourself and I certainly would not be asking other people what they thought.

Just block him and move on

Did he show any signs at all of being interested?
Why would you doubt yourself because a vague acquaintance didn't answer you? He's not your boyfriend?

Exactly OP. He's not interested. Block him, there will be no consequences because he's not interested so won't care you blocked him. If what a previous poster has said is true about joining clubs and cyber stalking, then I'm not surprised he's feeling anxious around you - he's cottoned on you are very very interested and doesn't know how to act with you because he's not interested. Chasing someone socially anxious and not interested would be hell for them.

@Thingsdogetbetter

I totally agree with what you have said. There have been times he has asked me to come to the walking group and said things that would be interpreted as interest. If someone wants to play mindf*ck games I need to cut them out of my life. I agree with you, why care if I block him as he is not interested.

OP, in the nicest possible way, you've now started loads of threads about a 'relationship' that seems to be mostly in your head. You had a thread three weeks ago about how the same man jokingly called you a bitch at college because you were up to date with your assignments, and then you said that you weren't even sure you would go on a date with him, but was name-calling how abuse started in relationships? You added that he said he drank a lot and went to MeetUp activities, and then you seemed to get very cross because he was on PoF, despite the fact that he's never asked you out or appeared to be interested?

A week later you post about whether you should date a man with anxiety, a thread that ended in you saying he hadn't replied to your messages after a walk and that he'd deleted all social media.

You've also posted about a presumably different man you met at a hiking group you hadn't been to in a year and had occasionally messaged, and even though all he'd said when you met again after a year of you not attending the group was that he'd see you again on another walk, that was enough to start you agonising about dating someone who has no money.

I wouldn't normally quote someone's other posts, OP, as I generally think it's bad form, but in this case I think it's relevant. You seem to have form for massively overthinking the most minor social encounters, and leaping ahead to them being a romantic relationship.

From his side, you're just someone who's in his course, by the sound of things. The 'relationship' is in your head. He hasn't asked you out and appears to have done nothing to suggest he's interested in you as anything other than a classmate. Block him or don't block him, but I really think that unless there's far more going on between you than you've indicated here, you should stop behaving as though he's betrayed you or let you down in some way.

All blocked now. No more wasted time and energy. Thank you to you all for your helpful replies, I really need to start listening when the red flags are there.

OP, I hope you can take on board some of the comments about maybe not reading so much into casual interactions. When I was younger I used to struggle with this a little bit - when I liked someone, I'd read far too much into what they would say. Try and take it easy, take what they say on face value and don't build things up in your head too much. It gives these people a power they shouldn't have over you and can lead to some social embarrassment on your part.

There's a difference between learning to recognise red flags and learning when your own behaviour is inappropriate and driven by you reading much more into interactions with other people then there is in reality.

You're going to stop yourself having the chance to enjoy a healthy and loving relationship if you keep behaving the way you currently are, you need to take responsibility for your tendency to over dramatise / romanticise / read so much into things. It's not helping you.

I don’t think the Op realises that her behaviour is the red flag.

It sounds like the personal disclosure triggered his withdraw and given the OP’s over investment, his decision appears to be not without merit.

Sorry but this Thread cannot be real ?

I really need to start listening when the red flags are there

I think you've missed the point most ppl have made. It's not red flags from him, it's your interpretation and perceptions of this non relationship that have caused you anguish.

I had a look at your past threads about this guy. It isn't clear if this was ever an actual relationship. Did he ever ask you out on a date? A clear "no doubt about what it was" date? From the threads it sounds more like you have been trying to will a relationship into existence.