Saw ex with another woman. How can I move past this?

[movingoceans]

Hello,

NC as information is identifying.

I know this should be the least of my worries after what's currently happening but nine months ago, my ex came to my house unannounced, after refusing access to our son, he punched me multiple times on the head and I sustained a bloody nose and a horrible black eye. I had to go to hospital to get a check up and barricade myself in my home for two weeks as my eye was BAD. I still have a mark to this day. I hate it.

I have a non-molestation order against him. He was charged but eloped. Police are currently looking for him.

Yesterday, I was on my way back to the supermarket and I saw him (he didn't see me) with another woman. I don't know why, but I was quite upset! When they were walking last my building, where my home is, my ex glanced at it for a while but turned his head and carried on waking.

After all the things he has done. I don't know why I feel upset about seeing him with another woman. I'm still healing from what his done and for DS... but he can carry on living his life. I'm 26 and I let alone haven't dated anyone else. But that shouldn't be my concern. I should be happy that I'm freed from him and I have another chance at life to better my-self and find someone suitable who will take care of DS and I. I just felt like shit to be honest.

Jealousy is a bitch. It's visceral.... irrational.
All you can do is sit with your pain and focus on people/things that give you joy.
And thank your lucky stars you are rid of him.

and find someone suitable who will take care of DS and I
You do not need this OP.
Do not think men are out there to 'look after' us.
They are not.
Women are more than capable of raising children and living their lives without asshole men in them.

As for your Ex, you loved him. This is all very normal.
But he WILL abuse her too so think yourself very lucky to have escaped with your life.
Call 101 and let the police know that he is in the country and see if they can track him down and arrest him.
And work on yourself and your self-esteem and look after your son.
You are already doing it so you already know a man won't 'look after you and your DS'. That is entirely down to you.

Did you get DA support once you split from your Ex?
If not, then please contact Womens Aid and get some support.
You will need some specialist help and counselling.

Well done on getting away and protecting your DS.

Shinjirarenai He didn't hit me because I refused access to his son, he hit me because I told him "no". I told him he can see my son another day as we had plans. Honestly, he didn't come to my flat to see my son, he came because the day after the incident, I went out with friends and put a post on FB, he interrogated me asking "who was I with?" And I should "watch myself". Next day, came to my home unannounced, looking angry and demanded to see my son.

Can you see? He just wanted to have it out with me but used my son as an excuse.

Are you getting support?
This could be trauma bond. He has abused you so much, you are tangled up in what is normal and what is not.
Please access some support to talk this through with a professional.

And ignore @Shinjirarenai

Thanks Arerial2020 I was getting some suooort but rightly because of the virus, DA support services are now limited to the support they can give.

I have reported that ridiculous post, sorry don't know how to tag names. Unfortunately it's an online forum and there will always be people who find it a challenge to understand situations. Don't justify yourself to abusive people. Work on yourself

for you OP. Horrible time for you, you can't control your reactions.

Jealousy is a very strange thing indeed.

I'm glad you got away from this abusive man.

You are the exact person who is looking after your DS and you. You're doing it and you're strong. Happiness is just on the horizon there

Your head knows you are well rid of him, and you and DS can start to move forward. Your head also knows what a dangerous, frightening man your ex is and doesn't want anything to do with him. But your heart still remembers how wonderful it felt to be loved by him, and (however stupid your head knows it is) would do anything to reset the clock so that you can have that love again.

Our hearts are, frankly, treacherous pieces of shit that need to be ignored.

Keep yourself and your DS safe. Do not have your ex coming to your house, ever again. Get a solicitor involved (it's free for domestic abuse cases) and organise a pickup arrangement.

Our hearts are, frankly, treacherous pieces of shit that need to be ignored.

If only I’d adhered to that, how my life would have been different!

@HappenstanceMarmite Ah, we are all fools for love 😂

Fair enough @movingoceans

Ever considered he might have walked past your building with this woman deliberately? He knew there was a chance you'd see him.

Fucking twat. I can't believe he punched you! Any man I know would destroy him on sight if they knew he hit women.

It hurts, of course, you loved him once upon a time, but my god...look in the mirror, see that scar he has left on your face, that alone should be enough to shake you up.

You can raise your child on your own. Millions of us do it alone. Many of us in a relationship still do it alone to all extents and purposes. Come on! You'll be fine, give it time, your child needs you to be strong x

awful man OP. I know you know that he's violent and you're better off without him. Your heart will catch up with your head soon. In the meantime remember that you've done the best for your DS.

my violent is with a woman who knows he has been violent and children are involved. I cannot understand why anyone would put themselves or their child in that situation. You are well away from him. Any bastard who hits a woman deserves to rot in hell.

Fair enough @movingoceans**

That suggests that you think ops ex would have been justified in punching her in the head repeatedly if she had denied him access to his son.

Do you?