Getting annoyed with DH threatening to finish work (for no reason!)

[LosingMyShitHere]

Please talk me down. I am so pissed off right now.

DH (aged 52,) works in a petrol station. 27 hours a week. (Three 9 hour shifts.) He used to do 36 hours but dropped his hours last year to 27, as he was 'finding so many hours tough.' He works behind the counter (and behind a big pane of glass,) and he is alone about half the time.

Now, with this pandemic going on, he is driving me nuts. For the last 2 weeks, (and non-stop, for the last 5-6 days,) he has been saying 'I am probably gonna self-isolate soon, as I am 52 and in the 'at risk' group.' And 'our place needs to shut down soon, or 'I'm just gonna call in sick.'

For context, as much as I love him, he is a shirker when it comes to work. He will do stuff around the house and garden if you push a stick of dynamite up his arse, but won't volunteer, and happily sits watching TV every waking hour that he is not at work.

I seriously think I'm gonna knock him out if he doesn't stop threatening to 'self isolate' and/or go on the sick.

He has NO underlying health issues, he has NO coronavirus symptoms, and he only has to do three 9-hour shifts (isolated from the public pretty well,) and then he has 4 days off.

I have tried to explain that he CAN'T just 'self isolate' with no symptoms at all, and no 'go-ahead' from any medical professional. And he can't just 'ring in sick' or not go to work 'because I think my place should close...' as he will NOT GET PAID.

As if life is not stressful enough with this pandemic and all the worries that go with it! I am getting so stressed and pissed off with my idle, workshy husband trying anything and everything to get out of going to work!

Sorry, I just needed to vent. What can I do? (If anything?)

Well you could leave ...

Dies he have good qualities?

I'm surprised you've gone so long being tolerant of a lazy husband. I couldn't stand being with someone like that, especially when I work as hard as I do for my family. Bone idle!

How long have you put up with this waste of space?

Why does he only work part time? Do you have kids? Do you work full time to support him?

How much do you work?

He sounds extremely annoying.

In other words, he's a cocklodger.

Is he worth it? You sound very unhappy.

Yes he does have good qualities, and is kind and loving, and we have lots in common, and have a good life. (And I'm not going to leave, and as if it's just that easy anyway!) No kids at home (left several years back,) and I work from home. We earn about the same amount of money, so he is not a 'cocklodger...' That's a man who doesn't do any work and lives off his woman.

But him being lazy - and trying to think of any excuse to finish work - really grates on me. He wants to retire at 55.

I have explained that he can't because he can't retire til 67 as he won't get the state pension til then. (and any private pension won't pay out til 67 either.) So he has been feigning illnesses and ailments for the last 2-3 years trying to get written off on the sick.

He doesn't work that many hours anyway, and his job is a piece of piss, yet he constantly tries to find any excuse to go off sick, and is DESPERATE for his workplace to shut, (because of coronavirus,) so he can have a 'legitimate' month off. He doesn't seem to get that he will throw us in the financial mire, if he just goes off without being told to, and says 'we will cope.'

I work from home (most of the time,) and he says 'it's all right for you. YOU get to stay home!' Like I am just sitting watching telly all fucking day. I am actually working!

Ask him to do up the budget with out his wage, to see how you will cope. Hopefully that will open his eyes

And as I said, he keeps threatening to 'self isolate' even though he has no symptoms, and has not been told to do so by anyone. I am pretty sure it doesn't work like that! Otherwise loads of people would be bunking off to get time off work!

Well he's just a lazy fuck. Sadly, it's usually incurable.

If he wants to self isolate so much, tell him that he can't do that while living with you, so he'll have to find (and fund a hotel room) himself.

Does he just slump and watch telly all the time? How boring!

Was he always like this?

I"m not surprised you're frustrated.

He sounds infuriating. What does he think you will do for money if he retires early? What do your children think?

I lived with someone like this when he was early 30’s and got out at the 3 year mark. Personally I found constantly going on about retiring and doing as little work as poss deeply unattractive but it’s your life OP

Retire at your expense Iguess. Sod that for a lark! He's done a pretty number on you.

I wouldn't have lasted 5 minutes with a waster.

I think being lazy is a deeply unattractive trait that i couldn't live with.

OP, he's not going to change...lazy people, similar to mean people are defined by these traits....always trying to.screw someone over...yuk!

Bit different but I have a colleague who is like this. The very first day of the advice she decided to self isolate as she had a ‘dry cough’ (she didn’t, she smokes). Every single person we work with knew she’d do this. Shes absolutely fine. She’s made a right tit of herself.
Stay safe everyone

If he has no underlying conditions, how can he say he's in the 'at risk' group?

Well exactly! He is not in the 'at risk' group. He is just trying to get out of going to work!

I would call his bluff & ask him to investigate exactly how he is going to retire at 55 when his state retirement age will be 65+

If he worked more now & saved, he could retire early
Or
If you have assets or property to sell

Secondly, if he is struggling at 52, what will he be like at 62, 72, 82+

He is neither kind and loving OP. Your relationship bar here is set very low indeed. He basically wants you to look after him and earn money whilst he sits around doing nothing, who died and made him king?. I also think he resents you working from home whilst he is out at the petrol station.

What do your adult children make of him?. And of you for that matter?. Why exactly do you not want to leave?. Yes I get the fact that leaving is not easy but nor for that matter is staying with someone like him, a man who is ultimately dragging you down with him. What are you getting out of this relationship now?.

Venting is all well and good but the underlying problem i.e him still remains. He wants to retire whilst you still work to keep both you and he so he is a cocklodger in waiting.

Petrol stations are essential, they won't be closing.

I'm wondering how he thinks finances would work if he gave up his job. Have you asked him that directly?

How is he expecting to survive when he retires at 53.

If it was me, I'd tell him to get used to living an impoverished lifestyle, because I would not financial support him, if he packs in work with no thought for the finances.

This would be different if he was I'll...he's just lazy. That would be fine if he had the financial means...but he doesn't. He does a job which he wouldn't get paid for even if he genuinely needed to isolate. Doesn't he get that...he's not in a great situation?

I’d also be turning off any tv packages, sky, Netflix etc!

Did you really think his ‘shirking’ tendencies were going to disappear in the midst of a pandemic?

Rant away but you putting up with his crap all these years is part of the problem and because you’ve chosen not to push it, the status quo will prevail.