Feel like a failure and really struggling

[TheTickingTime]

Over 6 months ago I split up with my ex who was very controlling and abusive. Since then I have struggled with my self confidence and find it really hard to communicate with people and feel confident. I have raised this with my GP, my manager and friends. However everyone knows me to be this tough person who just gets on with things. But I am really struggling. I am not doing as well as I thought I would in my job and I am really embarrassed by my lack of concentration. I am also suffering with menapausal fog and I am really forgetful. I am not allowed to take HRT.

I am thinking of handing in my resignation. But not until I have found another job.

My ex got in contact via SMS, he is blocked everywhere and honestly thought he was on the SMS too. I have been doing so well until he texted. I have been so much happier. He told me that he wanted me back, he loved me I was all he ever wanted.
I know what he is doing, however it's what he said that has eroded my confidence and that is the l am a split personality, his words, and he never abused me and I am trying to paint him out to be an abuser.

How do I do life? I am just not coping

You absolutely take no notice whatsoever of him, for a start. His opinions on you are much worse than useless. Block SMS.
It's hard to say about the job. Sometimes it is genuinely better to move on, but you sound basically competent but still suffering from the the very recent split. It's bound to still be affecting you. What does your manager actually say/think? From the outside it feels like your might have very high standards for yourself that could be relaxed for a while?

Could you sign off sick from work for a couple of weeks until you’ve got yourself a bit more together? Well you realise he just “negged” you right? Look it up. If you want somebody back and truly love them you don’t say something negative and nasty! He just insulted you! Just ignore him. It’s classic hoovering

My manager has been amazing. And has told me I am doing brilliantly. Its a young team and I am the second oldest of nearly 50. I have been ill with the corona virus for the last week, and have worked from home throughout. But everyone in my team has said this is a hyped up flu whereas I am fully aware of the seriousness of this. We are edged on by bonuses to get as much done as possible and while I was ill I struggled. But I don't want to be the one who pulls out due to illness as one of our colleagues did and they say horrid things about her.

My ex is blocked but the abuse has left me almost paralysed by fair of failing, lack of confidence and to speak up. I am, I feel, very vulnerable. Family is miles away and I am soon running out of food but have no energy to sourch out who can assist. I am not an owner of a car as I travel by bicycle.
Being ill and lack of family has really been tough.

No wonder you're struggling with all that on your plate!

Give yourself a break, you're doing fantastically in the circumstances.

Have you had a note through the door at all of any community helpers in the area? There's likely to be someone nearby who is willing to help.

There is a neighbourhood watch team I may have to contact. Its weird times and with the ex popping up when I feel so fragile is odd. I did respond to him, but otherwise I would never have done. He is truly awful and its really knocked me. I am disappointed in myself for even having responded and spoken to him. He is unhinged and vile and I know I am worth so much more than he likes me to believe. I am so angry but also generally sad. Thanks for the replies everyone.

@probablysue, you are right, he did insult me, but at the time I was so taken aback that I asked him to elaborate, I just got so hurt by the fact that he would say that, not that I expected any different from him, he has always denied me of my feelings, opinions and said I provoke him being abusive, leaving me feeling like I need to justify myself to everyone.

How about a Morrisons food box? www.morrisons.com/food-boxes/how-it-works

The bastard know that you'd be extra vulnerable at the moment - everyone is! Talk about taking advantage of the situation.

Be proud that, although you replied, you didn't succumb to the known in this time of the unknown. It's a small step back in your march forward. Keep your eyes fixed on the future and keep marching towards it.

There are counsellers who are doing online sessions. Maybe consider that as friends are great, but sometimes professionals are what's needed.

Lots of counsellors and therapists do on line sessions, please find one - everyone needs someone "on their side" to support them.

Lots and lots of areas have Covid-19 support groups, please put an appeal on a local Facebook site if you can't find one, actually local churches are perhaps the first port of call.

Please be kind to yourself

Thank you everyone, wonderful advice from you all. I am having counselling and it's really helpful. I will call her and find put if she does counselling over the phone as all appointments have been cancelled for at least a month.

With all that on your plate you after doing brilliantly. Although your manager sounds fine, pressurising people with the virus, or any illness come to that, to keep up with a work load is just not on. If the culture in the office really reflects that you may well be better off elsewhere!
Your ex is just a weak bully who likes to make himself feel big by making you feel small. Let that be the very last communication of any type you have with him. He and his opinions are not relevant to you.