Social isolation, we are on the verge of divorce

[Lemonslices]

I've been with my OH for about 12 years and we have children.

For the past year me and my husband had ALOT of financial problems and other issues that we are working through .
Feb2020 the majority of our problems had gone and we were happy and everything was looking up..

Now we are stuck in isolation together in a small flat with kids (they are angels, but not going out is testing them),

We are not getting on one bit amd sex is now the last thing on my mind and its a good thing he can't even be botherd anyway.

Everything he's doing is winding me up.
I had my routine and now he's around under my feet I can't get things done.

I love him deeply and he loves me but omg I can't live with him, I want my space.

Anyone else in the same boat?

Yep. Probably most of the nation right now. We’re all getting a good look at what retirement with these men around all the time will look like. It ain’t pretty.

I was just thinking this evening thank god I separated from my husband (last year) as I don't think I would have coped being in isolation with him. So I really do feel for anyone going through bad times with their partners and having to isolate with them.

I normally work from home anyway, but this is new to my husband, he's never worked from home before. So we're together 24/7 now.
I have to say I love having him around! We're lucky enough to have a big house, and we can easily give each other space if we need to. But being able to have a chat or a cuddle whenever we want during the day has been lovely!

I suggest that you need to change your routine since there's been a change of circumstances.
Its not logical that you don't.
You all need to adapt

@Bookworm83 I don’t see how boasting about your perfect relationship is in anyway helpful to op.

I feel your pain op, I’m being driven slightly barmy now without having any of my own space. Have you got any local areas that won’t be too busy that you can get out and have a walk? I know that’s not especially helpful advice, but it’s pretty much the only thing going atm! It will get better. Not sure when, but it will.

@teddyisahe OP says she deeply loves her OH and I'm just sharing my experience of being locked up with mine.
My situation is hardly perfect, I have had covid symptoms for almost a week and am heavily pregnant and really worried. But trying to make the most of the situation anyway. No need to be unkind.

Bookworm, I loved your post.

I been with my partner for 2 years. He moved into my small house with me and my DD in October and yes I am dreading all of us being locked in together. My partner is a lovely man but I love my space so its going be very hard! The time hasn't come yet.

Isolating with my ex husband would have been horrendous. He was abusive and had a quick temper.

@Bookworm83 Good lord - do you always respond to people who are finding something difficult but flaunting how great it is for you?

OP I am in a small flat with my dh and our 2 year old dc amd I'm live teaching online and are 12 days into isolation and 8 days into full quarantine - we aren't in the U.K. and our country took measures much earlier than the U.K. - and it's been really hard at times. We love each other but sometimes it's just good enough that one of us hasn't put the other over the balcony!!! We have sat and actually talked about the difficulties we are facing and tried to accept that neither of us are perfect but that we are both doing good things to get through this and appreciating those things and that has helped, we are doing online exercise routines together - definitely not something we would normally do - and we have a lot of virtual connections with friends and family outside which is a real help. We also use a lot of headphones once dc is asleep and have separate time - I'm still learning a language now via online lessons and live podcasts and my dh games and watches tv - and that works for us. I know that lots of people are posting that they are spending their time playing games together, cooking and being all romantic but that isn't the reality of our lives together so I have just had to make my peace with that. Actually, I'd say that being honest about how hard we find this, making rules and having to lean on each other mean that on a day to day basis we have been bickering a little less than usual!
Good luck - we and our dh's need it!

We are on day 10, and most people won't know how hard it is until they are in isolation.

Honestly, don't make big decisions about your marriage now. It is an impossible situation, and one that would at times would test even the happiest marriage.

We were not designed to be cooped up without social interaction. Your situation is esp hard because you are in a flat, so it is really important that you are kind to each other. When you become scratchy remove yourself from the area and ask him to do the same. Recognise you are in this together, and it is going to be very hard for a while, but not forever.

Give yourselves at least two hours break from each other and children per day. Even if you have to have a bath or long shower to do this. Too much time with anyone can be overbearing.

Skype or face time your friends, read a book, watch a box set and do many of these things on your own so you have your own personal time to decompress.

I am having to say to my children it is mummy time or reading time now, and I am taking myself away from them for periods of the day, have reading time so you all quiet. Play classical or smooth radio to dial down the stress levels. Afterwards I am feeling much better and can respond properly.

You have said you love him, so try and hold onto that. Realise that most people will be feeling the same at one stage or another.

Light candles in the evening, try and make this into a more holiday/chill time than pondering on the isolation element.

Are you able to go for a walk safely? Not sure if you are ill, so please don't go if you are. I walk the dog once a day, and it has been a life saver.

Wow didn't expect so many responses, we are able to go out for a walk but I don't feel like it's responsible......
But I guess I should before all these idiots who go flocking to the beaches and parks get us all put on lock down...
I used to love listening to the radio (lbc, BBC-not news)but Everytime I turn it on its covid this covid that.

Im planning on doing a few lessons this week with the kids so they don't lose the plot or fall behind.

I was really looking forward to the spring and summer and I now it's down the drain, all I can think is great.... Soon it will be winter again.

I can't go any see my parents as they are elderly and both live alone and apart. And my siblings have health problems I'm terrified about it.

I pray a vaccine is developed soon.
Thank you all xx

I think, for the sake of your mental health (and your kids) you should go for walks. As long as you social distance, its fine.

And a structure for uou and kids is really critical. For all of you. Gives a purpose. Home teaching will make you feel you are doing constructive things. Tons of resources out there. Theres bound to be a bunch of useful threads on MNet. Good luck. Remember, you are not alone!!!

We live in a 2 bed flat (hoping to have 1 kid so the second room is empty). I bought myself a desk and put it in our bedroom because previously I was sharing a desk with my husband in the reception room (it's quite a big desk, 140cm). I am majorly regretting this because I miss my husband so much! He is in the next room but honestly feels like an ocean. He works for an investment bank so I am used to him working long hours and being apart but I never used to think so much about it because I just assumed we didn't have any choice so it just didn't affect me. But now I really want to move back to sharing a desk and sitting beside him.

However I feel bad that I spent money on my desk and it was hard to assemble. :( Actually maybe you need more time together, not less.

Holy shit. Where have these smug utterly tonedeaf posters come from.

To come on a thread to tell someone struggling that you love rattling round your large house (extra brag) having impromptu cuddles is bad. But the vomit inducing missing their partner so much because they’ve moved their desk next door is another level of unnecessary boastfulness.

If she loves him and he loves her, it's not like the relationship is inherently bad. What I wanted to say is separating and having your own routine ultimately drives you apart. Yes when I was sharing, i had complaints too and I am sure he did too. But now I miss it.

So the problem is not that you don't have space or that you can't get on. But I promise you that you will miss each other if you weren't together.

When OH retired we went through this phase, I would go out just to get away from him. It passed in time it is an adjustment, now he hides in garage or garden. It has made this isolation easier to bear. I did grit my teeth tonight when he said "What are you doing tomorrow?"

I have a friend like this on Facebook. Whenever anything remotely bad happens in my life - if I choose to share any aspect of it, or just have a moan, along she comes to tell me how great she is/they are/it was for them etc etc.

I don't share a lot on Facebook, certainly nothing important or major. Just random bits here & there. Never a word from her when it's a nice, upbeat post. I expect if I posted to say I'd broke my spine, she'd respond telling me all about the fifty sit ups she did that morning! 👍🏻🥴

I was referring to the goady posters above by the way.
Sorry OP, no advice! I'm a single parent. Bliss, mostly. Although it does get lonely at times..

Oh dear, I feel your pain. I am in similar situation, perhaps even worse. I have been with my husband for 25 years but most of them I was not very happy. He is not a bad guy, but he has difficult personality and I am very sensitive person, so we have not been getting along well. Anyway, I made it a New Years resolution this year to deal with my marriage (make it or break it) and to take care of myself in general. I started to go for counselling, I am taking yoga classes, going out with my friends and stuff. I though I was getting progress with counselling and getting closer to deciding what to do with my marriage when Covid-19 happened and cut it all off for me. So now, no counselling, no yoga, both my husband and I work from home, so stuck at home with him 24/7. Most days I feel like I am going to explode. I am trying to pretend that all is well, keep my emotions in control and such, but is hard. We have not been intimate since before New Years Eve and I do not feel like it at all, so this whole situation raises the tension between us. To make it all worse our three children live with us (two of them are young adults) and I do not want them to know that we are in crises…
Bottom line is… I have no idea how I will survive this, but I am glad that I connected with you. Perhaps knowing that we are not alone in this will help us.