Hate him

[Getrichslow]

I basically hate my husband and father of my kids most of the
Time. Is this normal ? In the past he has been abusive, mainly verbal but sometimes physical. I have a good job and could live without him. Probably would be better off in ways tbh. He’s desperately emotionally disabled due to having a physically abusive father (and mother through being complicit and not challenging him). He accepts his father was abusive yet if this is discussed I’m the worst in the world for pointing it out because now of course his dad is a very old and sick man.
I have never shown much emotion by way of tears esp not when my kids were born and now I know why. Tonight i cried for a different reason which I literally never do in front of him and all I got was abuse. Why are you crying. When I said I wasn’t happy with the state of our marriage I got total abuse. I am a wallbanger apparently. Over the years I have been called much worse in front of the kids and I have reported it. With the current emergency everyone is on edge and that’s understandable however I felt like I needed to get this out. I don’t want to burden friends. Some are going through worse. And then some always blame me for taking it like I can helicopter him out.

In a very similar situation. I generally distance myself from him as much as possible and refuse to listen to his shit when he’s running me down. If you can, take your time to get everything ready to get out when you can

What Smellbellina said.

What on Earth is a wallbanger? What a ludicrous thing for him to say! Don’t you just look at him and snort and say “you’re pathetic”. I’m in a similar situation. I can’t have a single conversation with my husband without him making a dig about me or my character. I could be talking to him about the colour of the grass and it would include somewhere some sort of put down. I’m not sure he even knows he’s doing it, it’s so ingrained. So yes I know how you feel. I sometimes look at him and utterly despise him.

No it isn't normal is the short answer to your question.

You need to leave. You all need to leave. A better idea is to kick the bastards out.

It will be hard in present circumstances, but there is never a good time to try to get out of a bad relationship.

You owe these men nothing. They are deadweights bringing you all down.

Women's Aid number is 0808 2000 247
My guess is they are getting a lot more calls these days thanks to people being stuck at home, but leave your number and a good time to call you back and ask for help and support.

If you're able to lay your hands on the book "Why Does He Do That? Inside the Minds of Angry and Controlling Men" by Lundy Bancroft, read it. It's available on Kindle iirc as well as bookshops, Amazon, etc.

He is not abusive due to an abusive father. He is abusive because he is an abuser. Likely suffering from sociopathy or npd but a cunt either way. His upbringing has no relevance anymore as he is not a child, he is a grown man and normal grown men do not use their childhood as an excuse to treat others like shit.

It is perfectly understandable that you hate him. I'm glad. It shows you arent totally brainwashed. So now answer me this, why are you staying with the psycho?! Get yourself and your kids away. Fast.

You are not alone. Coping with the next few months where we are forced to share a small space for hours on end is going to be intolerable and is filling me with dread. Trying to take one day at a time and grey rock as much as I can (ie not antagonise him or warrant his attention). Separating isnot an option right now. It would be impossible.