Is my relationship over??

[DisneyMum235]

I need some advice because I've been bottling everything up for so long and I just need some new perspective.

I've been feeling really unhappy in my relationship at the moment, we've recently had a baby together and I feel since I found out I was pregnant things have gone down hill.

My partner has another child with his previous relationship and I've always been insecure about it (please don't hate me). When I told him I was pregnant he didn't want to tell anyone because he didn't want his other child's mother finding out this really upset me, I couldn't tell any of my friends the only people that knew other than us was my dad. It caused huge arguments between us, this was my first baby and earlier that year I was faced with fertility issues so I was over the moon when I fell pregnant.

Eventually he told Her I was pregnant and it didn't go down well, she messaged me after I put my scan picture on Facebook saying her daughter was crying and didn't want her daddy to have a new baby, I felt awful and my partner didn't really do anything about it.

Fast forward through a pregnancy of hell, I ended up having my daughter premature (I completely blame all the stress) and before I even told my parents that the baby was here he video called his ex partner, their daughter was asleep so he just sat on the phone talking to her showing her MY baby. I was so angry, the past few months were awful for me because of all the arguments she caused from shouting at me and making my life hell, she even stood outside my job and threatened to kick my head in, and there he was acting like she was his best friend (they hate each other).

I know I sound crazy but I think he wants to be with her, I get it at the end of the day she made him a dad and he's always been more focused on her and their daughter compared to me and our daughter. I went to all our scans alone, my waters started leaking at 24 weeks so I had to go to the hospital weekly for checkups on my own.

Its mother's day tomorrow and I had to buy my own card from our daughter. Maybe I'm just being unreasonable but I wanted to know what other mums and dads thought?

I feel so miserable and I'm not sure if its my fault or not ?? I keep waiting for him to change like he promises he'll do but it just never happens.

I know some of you are probably going to hate me for moaning so much and for that I'm sorry. I just needed some new perspective to help me decide what I'm going to do.

thank you x

How long have you been together?

His behaviour after your daughter was born was not acceptable and doubt you will ever forget it.

Are you aware of triangulation? It seems your partner is keeping you both in his circle which isn't healthy.You don't have to tolerate this level of drama and I doubt it will get better.

@Techway
we've been together for two years now.

I'm just worried that if I end things between us he won't bother with our daughter at all.

And then you might find someone lovely who is more deserving of you and your little girl.

Does he bother with her now? At times when he's not using her to make his ex jealous?

Oh OP. Please expect more for yourself and your DC. This isn't a good relationship, he isn't a good partner and he is treating you both like shit.

All the negative emotions you feel are most definitely as a result of his awful abusove behaviour and I'm afraid you can't make him be who you want him to be.

He's shown you who he is. Believe him. He won't change but you can bring your DC up in a positive home, just not one that has him in it, sorry. Being single is DEFINITELY better than being in an abusive relationship, make no mistake thats what this is.

Congratulations on your baby and happy mothers day ❤️

Please make sure that you know your worth, even if he doesn't.

I was not able to tell people about my first born, and once my daughter was born I had to hide her away as having a child out of wedlock was beneath my exes family standards, and I knew i was an embarrassment to them. This was 27 years ago. I left my ex when my daughter was 11 months, bonded with her and became a single mum while my ex went abroad to university, and was absent until she was 9, and then became this amazing Disney dad.
My daughter is wonderful, and although I was not able to offer her all the life's luxurious things, she had love, finished university, and has an amazing partner and they are expecting their first born in October. I can understand you and why you are apprehensive about going it alone maybe, but living in the shadows of the ex is no way to life.
Your partner doesn't seem to know how to treat you with respect. You deserve all the best too.
You will be OK even if the dad isn't in the picture. Just know your worth.

This is really complex. I’m guessing the baby wasn’t planned and you’d only been together a year or so and he didn’t wish another child at this stage?

He seems not to have wanted the pregnancy but accepted it grudgingly. In addition you are clearly jealous and insecure but he is exacerbating that,

Over all it’s not a healthy situation to be in. The both of you, if you wish to stay together, need to make some compromises and agree a way forward.

You need to accept he is coparenting with his ex and they will be in contact and it should be amicable for their daughters sake . He needs to manage that contact senstivitely. He also needs to decide on how involved he is going to be with this child.

Overall it’s a difficult situation with lots of issues, that bringing a baby into when he wasn’t ready has made much more complex, so now you both need to sit down and talk and find a way forward.

Omg. Leave him!!! He sounds like an absolute horrible man.

You and your daughter deserve so much more than this prick.

Your daughter will grow up playing second fiddle. That will mess with her head. Remove her from that situation. You have the power to do this.

Had he moved on quite quickly from his ex to you? Maybe you were a rebound? Sorry but these things do happen.

And next time, if there is a next time, don't get with a man who hates his ex, it's a red flag. Someone who is over a past relationship should be in a place of indifference.